[Boards: 3 / a / aco / adv / an / asp / b / bant / biz / c / can / cgl / ck / cm / co / cock / d / diy / e / fa / fap / fit / fitlit / g / gd / gif / h / hc / his / hm / hr / i / ic / int / jp / k / lgbt / lit / m / mlp / mlpol / mo / mtv / mu / n / news / o / out / outsoc / p / po / pol / qa / qst / r / r9k / s / s4s / sci / soc / sp / spa / t / tg / toy / trash / trv / tv / u / v / vg / vint / vip / vp / vr / w / wg / wsg / wsr / x / y ] [Search | | Home]

Dojo spazzing stories

This is a blue board which means that it's for everybody (Safe For Work content only). If you see any adult content, please report it.

Thread replies: 141
Thread images: 20

File: anger.gif (919KB, 500x233px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
anger.gif
919KB, 500x233px
DOJO HAPPENINGS AND SPAZ/FREAK OUTS

>be in judo class at my Uni
>There's a weird "alpha" guy in our class, lets call him sperglord
>Sperglord is the kinda guy who just can't into martial arts at all. Always stiff, just naturally shitty.
>The kinda guy that wears a polo under his gi
>The kinda guy you dont want to randori or roll with because when you win, he freaks out or starts playing very dirty
>Be in class today
>Today we drilled tai otoshi
>Sperglord in all his glory picks a white belt (who's actually half decent IMO) to drill with
>it becomes time to finish, and its sperglords time as uke
>In a whirlwind of red faced, spitting-while-swearing, donald trump hair, he crashes to the ground and screams in agony
Now here, when I say scream, I don't mean kiai... I don't mean AAARRRGGHHH, I mean a fucking wilhelm scream.
>Sperg stands up with his face so fucking red, I thought he was about to have an aneurysm
>Raises his hands in the air like a black woman at church
>drops to seza and SLAMS his hands into the mats screaming "OH GOD DAMNIT, FUCK THIS"
>Everyone just freezes and goes completely silent
>Our sensei (who's been training for 49 years, mind you), stops mid technique explanation, walks over to him, and says as cold as a fucking iceberg:
>get your shit and leave
>The rest of class acts like nothing ever happened
>before we bow out, says he won't teach someone like that, and he's not welcome back
thank. fucking. god.
>>
File: 1441697443190.jpg (90KB, 648x648px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
1441697443190.jpg
90KB, 648x648px
Lol
Did u tak him 2 da bar???
>>
>>737701
#tbt
>>
>>737156

Wait wait wait...

Wearing a polo shirt under your gi is an option?

Bbl...
>>
File: 1404337135655.jpg (122KB, 625x948px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
1404337135655.jpg
122KB, 625x948px
>>737156
>be me
>orange belt
>asian green belt kid, goes to nationals and wins/medals
>beats me every time in randori
>Tuesday
>go for uchimata, he jumps over my leg, but now he's leaning forward
>Do weird kind of taio toshi thing
>He tries to turn out of it
>Lands straight on his shoulder
>"aahhargh!"
>worry that it might be a battle cry
>the nine tailed fox is about to decimate everything I know with the impact of one ippon seoi nage
>instead he just turns over and keeps yelling, holding his shower
>Mfw I am victory
>>
File: 1443029315574.jpg (14KB, 225x225px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
1443029315574.jpg
14KB, 225x225px
>>738032
He was holding an entire shower with his injured shoulder?
Impressive.
>>
>>738032
>>738033
Fuck damnit balls
I meant shoulder
>>
>>737156

Going to a new Judo club and doing Newaza against old brow belt with ego issues. He constantly tries to preach his wisdom about Judo and behaves like he's the sensei of the club.

So we're in Newaza. As he gets me in a choke he suddenly does a fucking full force ashi ude garami out of nowwhere that makes me scream in agony. I'm like "WTF? Who gave you a brown belt?" but I stay nice - shit happens.

Next week, my ellbow is OK again. Doing Newaza against the same guy. Suddenly my arm gets between his my my body and he puts full force on my wrist. I tap, he still pushes, I tap harder, and again and he finally releases: "Oh sorry, didn't notice that your arm was there.."

Then - later - randori. He tries to grab me and accidentally* reaches in my face and give me a scratch over the cheek with his long nasty nails: "oh sorry, blah blah".

I don't know if this person just hates me fpor no reaon or this is the worst fucking idiot and spazmlord ever. I just hope he never gets a black belt..


>>738032

I don't know man, sounds like you just injured your partner (who is better than you) with your unclean technique..

Injuries happen, but they shouldn't come from bad technique, that's nothing you shoud be proud of IMHO..
>>
>>738036
Well sensei was watching, said it was a beautiful throw and I did nothing wrong.
I dont think it came from unclean technique, I think it's just part of the risk of when these high level judoka refuse to land on their back
>>
>>738036
It's hilarious how you told a story about somebody accidentally hurting you when they were better than you and then went around and told someone they were bad at judo for hurting someone with a throw
>>
>>738116

OK, if he refused to land properly that's another story.


>>738117

No, it's the same principle at both stories: don't use techniques you can't control. If you can't use a lock or throw without hurting the other guy - don't use it.

Also I didn't get that the other guy in Anon's story was refusing to fall properly.
>>
>>737156
Bump
>>
>>738116
high level judoka tend to be the ones that have been doing ti for a long time and they refuse to land on their backs because it fucking hurts more than it did when they first started
>>
>>738585
They do it because they don't want to get scored on and lose m8
>>
File: tgGGjZY.jpg (120KB, 599x623px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
tgGGjZY.jpg
120KB, 599x623px
>>737156
>be me
>about a year ago
>Yellow belt
>drilling uchimata
>can't get it right for the life of me
>idea.jpg
>"This will make it work"
>pull forward, step in, and instead of reaping the leg, shove my calf straight into his nuts
>He flies over
>hits the ground, starts crying
>welp
>mfw
>>
Wasn't there for this, but I knew the kid it involved and must share

>Wrestling season starts
>Try-outs
>New kid at school who is trying to fit in but is also obviously a little off
>Is also a jerk b/c of issues fitting in (tries too hard, y'know)
>Teammates decide to fuck with him
>Tell him if he circles around his opponent making an "x" with his fingers, he will instantly win
>He actually fucking does it and gets pinned
>Happened 2 years before I joined and they still kek about it
>>
Lel
>>
>>737156
Glad to see this topic is still around. I've got one:

>Be in boxing gym
>Skinny white kid with Eminem hair starts coming
>He's trying, but talks like he's he thinks he's gangsta (he's homeschooled)
>Starts learning, has fun, makes friends, doesn't talk like a retard to the coaches
>Brings a "friend" (let's call him Douche)
>Douche is apparently a state champion wrestler in high school, has tattoos, shorts halfway off his ass
>Eminem tries to get him to work the speed bag
>Douche hits it wrong a few times, gets pissed
>I go over, say hi to Eminem, give Douche some pointers ("relax, work slow at first to build timing, etc")
>Douche says "Yeah, ok," keeps hitting it like he's trying to knock it off the stand, glares at me

He's managed to piss off me, another friend who trains with me, the best boxer in our gym (won state Golden Gloves tournament in 2013), and the lead trainer in a week because of his attitude. More incoming.
>>
>>738809

>After hitting the speed bag for about a minute, Douche gives up and tries to hit the heavy bag
>After being helped into some gloves, he stands completely sideways with his legs spread wide ad his hands hanging at his side, then hops and throws his left
>Douche tries to throw a 1-2, but because of his stance, when he throws the straight he stumbles and almost falls
>He does this a few times while glaring at my training buddy, who is working on his hooks and getting good sounds on the neighboring heavy bag
>After about a minute of this, he gives up and starts chatting with a father of two young boys who go to the gym (6 and 8, respectively) about tattoos (he has a couple)
>Challenges the 8 year old to a pushup contest
>8 year old pumps out 100 straight
>Douche manages about 30 before giving up
>He loudly gives an excuse then leaves to do some weight training in the neighboring weight room

According to Eminem, Douche is hyper-competitive. There's a track next to our gym (we're in a rec center, so the actual boxing gm is a large room within a larger building with basketball courts and a surrounding track on the second floor) and when he jogs he purposely tries to stay ahead of anyone who is running in his general range.
>>
>>738814

Last one, two stories

>Douche comes back after about ten minutes in the weight room
>Sees Eminem working the double-end bag while I'm watching his form
>Sets up in his weird sideways dead-armed stance and tries to throw huge rights at it
>After every one he stumbles and almost falls over
>I try and explain that while his right has a lot of power, he has no followup and his stance is going to get him in trouble in the ring
>Use the puzzle mats next to us to show him where his feet should be
>I throw a couple of combinations on the bag to show him how a good stance helps with his defense and recovery
>"Yeah, ok"
>Douche keeps throwing huge rights from his retarded stance and glares at me every time he stumbles

Apparently he came a second day when I wasn't there, then tried to give our head trainer boxing tips. His attitude that day was so poor that the HT told my training buddy that, if he comes back, he wants one of us to spar him and "strongly discourage him from coming back."

I don't know if he ever is, since I haven't seen him in a while, but apparently he tried to rape one of Eminem's female friends, but ended up only sexually assaulting her instead. If he does come back though he's probably going to get the shit kicked out of him by one of us.
>>
> At dojo (kashima shinryu, at our university), practicing iai one day.
> There's one guy who doesn't show up regularly, refuses to maintain his gear. Always shows up looking shabby.
> Clearly doesn't take care of himself.
> Is one of those guys who is there because he wants to be a ninja, not because he enjoys it or finds it really interesting.
> I can hear the fittings on his sword (unsharpened) rattling constantly because he's not keeping his stuff in good shape.
> after class he's swinging it recklessly around, and the blade finally shears off the pin.
> (thankfully) unsharpened sword flies across the dojo.
> He stares dumbfounded at the sword blade laying on the floor.
> Mutters something about shitty craftsmanship. Turns bright red and leaves.

Dude coulda seriously injured someone. Fucking idiots.
>>
>>737156
Not really a spaz story.
Be newly 2 striped white belt.
Be pretty fat.

>Rolling with blue belt.
>Blue belt unsuccessfully tries to berimbolo me.
>i've been fucking around with going inverted and berimbolos for the last two months.
>set up my grips.
>land perfect berimbolo
>established my hooks
>he rotates into turtle
>slip him arm into a rolling armbar.
> he taps
All of this happened in 30 seconds. I felt like fucking rafa mendes
>>
>>737156
>get your shit and leave

That never happened
>>
>>737156

>being a Judo whitebelt
>first month of training
>class drills "Sode Tsurikomi Goshi"
>I train with a super nice guy, brown belt
>"OK Anon, now CAREFULLY enter and turn the arm to this side"
>I'm totally focused on my footwork
>step in
>ellbow the brown belt in the face
>oshitoshitoshit.asm
>brown belt: "yup, that's why I said 'carefully'.."
>pleasekillme.gif
>>
>>737156

I've got a few.

> Hombu dojo
> 80% of the dojo is 5th dan and above
> Training starts
> Everything is fine for half an hour
> Suddenly a shouting match erupts on the other side of the dojo
> Every head turns in their direction
> Two highly ranked and respected instructors are screaming at each other
> Japanese shihan goes to smooth things over
> They stop training with each - rest of the training session is overshadowed by awkward silence
>>
>>738989
What the fuck is "Hombu"
>>
>>739043
Bump from not knowing this shit either
>>
>>739122

A Hombu is the headquarters of its style.
>>
>>739152
Well then what style was it?
>>
>>738974
I can't lie, he didn't say "shit."
>>
>>737156
OK, this is an old story but the best Spaz story I have.

So I'm doing an internship out in Pennsylvania. And I don't have a lot of options, so I sign up for the local shitty Tang Soo Do place.

Now, this was a total McDojo, but the sa bum nim is a total bro. He got his franchise from his father, who taught him this, and he didn't seem to have any real illusions about himself or what he's doing. Just a kind of awesome guy to hang out with and grab a beer.

So I explain that I'm just here for a few months, and I've got prior martial arts experience, and when he finds out I'm a WTF blackbelt, and he's like 'cool, we'll recognize that.'

For those of you who don't know there's an explicit pecking order in TSD/TKD classes. It's whoever has the highest rank, and whoever has held it the longest. Ordinarily this is designed to prevent Spaz outs/conflicts. Being better doesn't really matter in the heirarchy anyway, because this authority governs stupid shit like "What do we do if we don't have enough pads for this drill" or ordinary crap like that. If the Master isn't around, highest student, going on down, is in charge.

Go out for the first class, and because I count it as my first day, I go out to the bottom rank. The Master comes out and asks how long I've had my black belt, and at this point I said about 7 years.

"Oh yeah, you're definitely the senior student." And points me to that spot.

Now, I didn't give a fuck, but they had one blackbelt at that school and he was MAD. He was like 16, and his mom took him to every class and stayed and watched.

He was totally invested in being the best and challenged me at every turn. And every time he tried, the Master would shut him down. He'd leave me in charge of shit, I'd do things different, spaz would run off to tattle, and the master would explain "Dr. Goblin is the senior student."

This proceeds on and then it's announced they're going to have a school tournament. Complete with sparring.
>>
>>739576
Now, I don't know why, but Spaz thought this was his chance. I'd already demonstrated to Spaz how badly he sucked through many drills. I'm not just saying this to blow smoke up my ass. Spaz was easily the worst student they had, despite the black belt. And this was a really, really shitty school. To show them how far they had to go, at one point I had them practice their kicks on me, full force without me wearing pads or anything. Spaz fell over when he tried a sidekick.

But Spaz gets his gear on. He's going to spar with me, for the first time ever. And he's hyper aggressive. He is chomping at the bit to fuck me up.

And then the Master says go. And I chase him across the room on one foot. I am coming at him without ever putting my foot down. Just snapping roundhouse and hook kicks at him, as he backpedals and leans back as fast as he can. Being a fat bastard, that's not that fast and I chase him down as he runs to the end of the mat, in about 5 seconds, and then lightly slap him on the face with my foot.

Spaz put his helmet on wrong, he falls over and the helmet goes flying. His mother comes out to comfort him. She complains to the master about why didn't I pull my kick.

The Master is immediately "No. I saw it. He controlled it."

Spaz has hot tears of anger coming down his cheeks. He leaves right then for the night. When the tournament comes, Spaz does not enter into sparring.
>>
>wrestling
>this one fat african kid who is the biggest buster on the team doesnt shower or change clothes
>ringworm
>somehow infects not me, but two of the other seniors on the team, even though I practiced with him
>Coach endorses us to beat the shit out of him for a minute or two
Man wrestling was fun
>>
>>739648
Kid was probably insecure about showering with everyone else. Kind of feel bad for him since you guys all kicked his ass. Did he ever learn to shower after wrestling so that wouldn't happen again? And shame on the coach for encouraging you guys to do that. He should have handled it more professional than that.
>>
>>739759
i did feel bad, but the kid was also an asshole about it. and deserved it
Trust me, you don't know this kid
He behaved after that
>>
>>739759
I should also mention that I, myself didn't shower in the locker room, but did as soon as I got home, never was infected

This kid on the other hand, straight up refused to put in the effort to make sure the team stayed healthy.
>>
>>740055
Nothing is more gross than skipping showers after grabbling/high intensity MA's
>>
>>740247

How about your mom?
>>
File: 1443404081215.jpg (389KB, 1284x980px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
1443404081215.jpg
389KB, 1284x980px
>>740358
>>
>>740358
Nice
>>
>>738700
>Humiliating socially awkward people

Top kek bruh
>>
File: ohshitmane.jpg (23KB, 600x478px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
ohshitmane.jpg
23KB, 600x478px
>>740358
damn... walked into that one
>>
>>739360
Hombu
>>
>>737156
>2 years martial arts
>get that itchy feeling of wanting to get back in it
>this thread

thanks for reminding me that doing martial arts is kinda like being in the military, you have to deal with retards all the time
>>
File: DoakesSea1Pic3.jpg (28KB, 778x454px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
DoakesSea1Pic3.jpg
28KB, 778x454px
>that creepy SE asian dude in his late 20's who has an immature sense of humor , unnecesarily does neck cranks and head crushing when you're trying to learn a technique for the first time, just seems "off", gives you bad vibes even though he's always joking and laughing with the lower IQ guys in the class and you just don't trust him, and he gives off this weird, rapey vibe in a real, non femanazi way to me for some reason when he's around the women in the class and your gut just tells you he's bad news and you suspect he may legitimately be a sociopath or have some kind of mental defect that could allow him to do something evil and fucked up and not think he's doing anything wrong in his own mind

I seriously feel like Doakes in Dexter, everyone else thinks he's a nice guy but my lizard brain is sounding alarm bells at maximum volume when I'm around him.
>>
>>738817
>shit kicked out of him
>kicked

kek.

Funny story though.
>>
The worst spazzers are big guys who get beaten by small guys. They feel entitled to beat small guys. Sure you can fend them off with technique but you are in real danger of being injured by chokes turning into neck cranks when rolling with him.
>>
File: 1437434400950.png (497KB, 700x1026px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
1437434400950.png
497KB, 700x1026px
>>744161

Listen to the lizard brain.

Report him anonymously to the police. They will go ask questions and probably search his place after that.

If they find anything he will be off the street and definitely away from you and the dojo.
>>
>>739578
Fucking hell man. Sidekicks are no joke. I toss people twenty-thirty pounds around with mine, and I weigh 140 soaking wet. You took them full force without pads? For that matter, what the hell chickenshit kind of blackbelt falls over doing them? Did his footwork just suck? Was it the pivot? Did he not follow through with his waist? What the fuck?
>>
>>744524
>>739578
Twenty to thirty pounds heavier, I meant to say. Just kinda really surprised that a black belt of all things wouldn't know the second most basic kick. I'd expect them to at least be proficient butterfly kicking or something.
>>
>>744524
Pretty much all of this. Tilted his head and body back, no proper chamber, no snap etc.

So when he pushed with his leg, rather than pushing into me, he just pushed himself over.
>>
>>744532
That's incredible. A black belt that doesn't know how to snap his side kicks. If I wasn't on this board longer, I'd say that your bullshitting me. Since I'm not, I'm just sad.
>>
>>744533
I envy you, those who have never seen the horrors of small town martial arts schools.
>>
>>737156
Sound bad
>>
I have the same story a thousand times. New guy comes to thai sparring, I ask about his experience and when he says 'very little' I tell him we'll go easy and work on technique, he does so for the first few exchanges then steps in trying to land the KO cross-hook. For fucks sake.
>>
This is a great thread keep the stories coming
>>
>>744527
Side kick is the hardest kick to master

I've been working on it for the past 10 years of my life. I suspect in ten years more i'll have a novice's understanding of it's mechanics
>>
>>737156
>doing some kind of self defense drills
>it was like, grab the wrist, the other guy does an escape, he grabs your wrist ect
>suddenly
>ARRRRGH WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK
>somebody had grabbed a guy's nipple and twisted it 180 for literally no reason
>he left in tears from the pain and never came back
>he was about 6 months from getting his first Dan and one of the best younger people in the club at 17, and had been training since he was 12
>>
>>746747
Kek
>>
>>744197
I wrestled a dude who had at least thirty pounds on me last night and it was pretty fucking easy since he didn't have a clue about what he was doing. I didn't even have to fucking shoot on him.
>>
>>745024
I don't think it's that complicated, is it? To my understanding, it's a powerful defensive kick that doesn't require you to move forward and accomplishes its power with the sideways movement of your body. At my studio, we learned it just kicking a partner who'd advance on us with a kick pad. They'd move with a bit of force, and it was on us to not only prevent ourselves from falling over, but also to stop their advance.

Whenever I'm playing defensive with sidekicks to get breathing room, I keep my leg raised a little so I can throw it out a bit faster, since the other guy can set the terms of the next fight.
>>
>>746910
>>746747
I think this is pretty much the perfect use of this kick too. Front kicks and round houses will always put the defensive receiver at a disadvantage because attacker has momentum, making them poor counters, simply because the attacker will always connect with more force and power. But if I keep my leg up and time it to connect before their kick or punch can connect, even with just the power I generate with my lateral movement, they lose all momentum and they're dead in the water. Perfect time for a counter attack. And sometimes, if you time just perfectly right so that your sidekick connects as they're moving into their kick or punch, you can send them flying or stumbling back. That's the context of my anecdote about being able to send people heavier than me flying. Just be careful for flying kicks or superman kicks. I think you lose a bit of mobility for keeping your leg in position for a sidekick all the time, and I once had my head almost knocked clean off by a superman punch this one tiny little boxer chick threw at me.
>>
>me, 18 year old beta, zero fighting experience
>go to a muay thai gym
>get paired with another newbie, a tattooed skinhead
>we are doing a drill, he starts literally beating me up, doesn't hold back at all, doesn't give me any breathing room or a chance to block, at least that's what I thought, maybe he was just a lot stronger and heavier
>get concussed immediately, in my dazed state decide that drills = sparring
>continue going for a month or two, mercilessly wailing on other students (the skinhead guy never came back) who never said anything
>finally this guy tells me "wtf are you doing? you are supposed to drill combos, not fucking punch with all your might"
>I tell him I'm sorry and that I thought the drills were supposed to be like that since no-one explained it to me
>we start the drill, he starts beating me up repeating THIS IS WHAT YOU WERE DOING, THIS IS WHAT YOU WERE DOING
>I tell him okay, chill, I'm sorry, I get it, I'm not doing it again during the break
>new drill, he starts beating me again saying THIS IS WHAT YOU WERE DOING
>end up with a headache that lasted for a week

That was kinda fucked up.
>>
>>747154
What an incredibly shitty gym.
>>
>>747171
It was. I live in a 3 million city and decided to chose the most marketed and advertised MT gym. Ended up going to a local MT gym which had 3x training for a fraction of the price.
>>
>>747177
soyou practically found a mcdojo and then settled ona real
>>
>>747177
Fuck that old gym man. Get good and fight some of those faggots when they try to compete.
>>
File: whataloser.jpg (50KB, 400x267px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
whataloser.jpg
50KB, 400x267px
>>740358
>>
File: 56424562456.jpg (6KB, 193x261px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
56424562456.jpg
6KB, 193x261px
>>745024

Wow, get a load of this wise kung fu master who knows he knows nothing.
>>
File: 58843576.jpg (96KB, 400x400px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
58843576.jpg
96KB, 400x400px
>>747154
...I kinda feel bad for you, but you're also a fucking autist if you can't observe your surroundings and think to yourself "Huh, people seem to be a lot more mellow about this drill than I am. Maybe I'm doing something wrong."
>>
>>749532
Troof
>>
>>745024
Your teacher is garbage (or you don't have one) then. You should be able to go from zero to having a good side kick within a year. Typically 6-8 months if you put serious effort into it. I know because I used to teach people kicking for a living (TSD instructor) and that was the usual timeframe.

The most common reason people think the side kick is hard to master is because they're doing it wrong, and their kick has an unnatural movement. If you do any of the following:
>hit with the "blade" of the foot
>chamber with your foot hanging down instead of pointing the sole of your foot at your opponent
>fail to pivot your support foot 180 degrees (heel points at opponent)
>fail to rotate your torso downwards in a punching motion while extending the kick
then the issue is with your technique, not the time spent "mastering" it.

>>746913
Keeping your leg raised only works on scrubs. Someone good will either crowd you, catch the kick, or eat the kick and single leg you. The whole hopping side kick strategy only works in point sparring; if you're up against someone with aggressive forward pressure who doesn't mind taking a hit, it doesn't work at all.

The proper use for a side kick is lefty vs. righty, offensively from a bladed (sideways) stance, or defensively from a neutral (45 degree) stance when your opponent tries to take an outside angle.
>>
>Guy in beginner kendo class
>Do hayasuburi for warming up (fast paced jumping forth and back while doing strikes to the head)
>Beginners are told to just do footwork and take it slowly
>He goes full rage mode and tries to keep up with the advanced guys
>Line up for reiho and putting on armor
>Suddenly loud as thump
>He dropped unconscious and had to be carried out by an ambulance
>Actually showed up for the next couple of training sessions but was never heard of again afterwards
>>
File: image_6.jpg (50KB, 450x455px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
image_6.jpg
50KB, 450x455px
I don't know if this is exactly 'spazzing', but whatever
>be shotokan white belt
>our group is a mix of everything from kids to adults
>two goddamn Asian kids always fucking about when we're supposed to practice
>laugh, try to make the other kids laugh, talk/ move around when Sensei/Senpai tries to instruct etc.
>they have been warned countless times, two of which they were almost kicked out of the tatami
>tfw
>>
File: hitler dog.jpg (85KB, 280x550px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
hitler dog.jpg
85KB, 280x550px
>>751304
>study a Korean variant of Shotakan
>everybody tries to help each other learn forms and run drills
>turn up early to help teach the kids the beginner stuff
>will get first degree mid next year

If you can't support your own Dojang and bully your fellow classmates, you're a prick and should fuck off to an American Taekwondo Acadamy school at a strip mall and enjoy your camo belt and Swat badge.
>>
>>737156
>go to a BJJ meet between two schools
>a guy from my club is very fit
>He's only a bluebelt, but has black belts in TKD and Hapkido, he's a martial arts nut
>"Hey, are you that loser who does fucking Taekwondo?"
>some purple belt in a purple gi with a few friends comes over
>"Yeah, the foot fist way" out guy is a bit silly
>"I think i'm gunna break your leg in our match, see how you kick after that!"
>"well you know what i'm going to do..."
>he leans in close to the purple belt and whispers something in his ear
>purple goes absolutely nuts and grabs at the guy's gi
>blue grabs him back and rolls back, flipping purple
>purple hits the floor with a thud
>he manages to get up and limps away
>later claims that blue is a gay and is just there to feel people up
>is ignored, blue comes 5th out of 12 people in his division, purple walked out
>blue later claims that it was a TKD style grapple and he is surprised it worked against somebody who apparently knew what they were doing
>>
>Kyokushin sparing time
>30-ish immigrant I haven't sparred with before
>"Very slow. Careful careful"
>Keeps saying "Not so hard please sir" even after I literally stop making physical contact
>Mark a kick to the side of his head
>He starts holding his ear saying "Aaaaah! aaaaaaahh!"
>Thought he was joking
>He almost falls to the ground saying "Aaaaah"
>Get nervous thinking maybe I cut his ear with a toe nail or something
>Say I'm sorry and that we'll not do anything more like that
>He show me his ear, still expressing pain with his whole body
>100% fine, not even a red hue
>Pretty sure I didn't touch him at all
>>
>>753662
iktf

There's a couple of kids in my class that do this. (13yo and 16yo)
Whether sparring, drilling or conditioning, they act like their entire body is made of glass.
As far as I know neither of them have any medical condition except perhaps a severe case of Munchausen Syndrome.

As edgy as it sounds, I feel like someday I'm gonna snap and beat the shit out of them just to show them what real pain is.
>>
You posted this a few weeks ago...
>>
>at boxing
>community club type of dealie, but excellent coaches, both have fought amateur with good records and one has a son fighting in professionals
>fat abo cunt comes in one day, starts going apeshit on the fucking bags
>not keeping hands up, legs parallel, throwing haymakers, sweating profusely after 1.5 minutes of this
>coach is busy prepping guys for upcoming fight night so I decide to help out
>take out headphones, go over to dude
>tell him to even out his pace, show basic stance, tell him to work on jab and cross as well as hooks
>"yeh mate, alright. But I do this to let off steam, I'd really fuck someone up if I went all out, I'm only using half of my power right now. I could fuck up anyone here"
>I just go "oooookay" and walk away
>he continues what he did for another 3 or so minutes before taking a water break and subsequently sitting down and shaking his head every time one of the fighters in the ring who's infinitely better than this autist gets hit
>>
>>744161
surprise muthafucka
some fries muthafucka
disguise muthafucka
all rise muthafucka
baptized muthafucka
>>
>>750663
Wtf? Even the 12 year olds that go to my place can do hayasuburi for a while, even if their arms slow down a bit by the end, and still practice with bogu afterwards. How many were you guys doing, or was this guy just that out of shape?
>>
>>744161

Related story
>Move cities and get a new job
>Co-workers wearing Onnit jackets start discussing BJJ at work
>Turns out there's a BJJ club at the company gym, pretty experienced guy or so I hear
>Roll with my coworker after work one day, he's not bad. Not great but he's good enough to catch me in an armbar when I tire out
>Instructor dude walks by and just says hello, seems friendly enough
1 month later, haven't gone back because I got transferred within the company and having trouble adjusting.
>I'm at the company gym jogging on the treadmill and watching tv and the instructor gets on the treadmill next to me
>Getting weird vibes talking to him, like he just waits for me to stop talking so he can say his stuff
>He says from the 30 seconds he watched me roll that my old gym must be shit
>He starts name dropping famous BJJ guys
>Turns out he's only trained for about a year
>Tells me to come in on Wednesdays so he can watch me roll but that doesn't want to participate with us


Super sketched out so I asked my coworkers about him and he's a legit egomaniac. Last dude I rolled with like that neck cranked me so hard DURING A DRILL that my right arm was numb for two weeks.

Tl;dr: Trust your gut bro
>>
>>746747
UPDATTTEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

guess who just came back to the club?!!??

NIPPLE GUY!

he has a lot to relearn and can't get his legs high enough, but he's back and working harder than ever, he's scary strong now as well, and taking it a lot more seriously than he did when he was a teen
>>
>>759231
how long has he been gone for?
>>
>>759231
a long ass time, somewhere between 5 and ten years I'd say. in the last week he learned two more forms. In one class he went from not knowing a form at all to memorizing it, i guess it's in his head somewhere and he just needed to remember it.
>>
Bumping for those of us who actually train, instead of watching TV all day
>>
>>738817
>apparently he tried to rape one of Eminem's female friends, but ended up only sexually assaulting her instead
LOL
>>
>>739576
>>739578
not in greentext reee
>>
>>738850
>blue belt probably sandbags to let lower belt work his game, because martial arts isn't about going hard always
> Yo dude I kicked his ass
>>
>>737156> try to do sweep in BJJ
> involves getting underhook on the guys thigh
> keep accidentally touching his dick
> he goes limp
> I stop
> "hey if you want to drill something let me know, but can you stop doing that? It's making me uncomfortable and you're not getting it.
>"s-sorry."
I am sorry helpful purple belt
>>
>>767181
White belts being white belts. What else is new.
>>
>>767218
Be honest. You wanted to touch his dick a little didn't you? We're all anonymous here you can tell us.
>>
>>767234
>>767181
i remember rolling with a purple belt once and i kept getting him in armbars and i was like holy shit hes the worst purple belt ever...

sigh, it hurts me when i realize how easy everyone went on me
>>
>>737156
>Orange belt
>Ogoshi
>Knock the wind out of whitey mc whitebelt
>He never comes back
Sorry mate
>>
>>744524
>You took them full force without pads? For that matter, what the hell chickenshit kind of blackbelt falls over doing them?
Of the three basics, front, side and turning (roundhouse) kicks, side kick is the most challenging to beginners. Have seen black belts have trouble with it. Key is the base foot has to be alive and turning, so you can get your center behind the foot for power.
This is probably obvious to you but i've seen bad teachers with good students who couldn't stomp in any direction because no bodyweight behind weapon. Even adult cagefighter types from wrestling/boxing background, trying to learn kicks have trouble with side kick, give up on kicks and work on other skills.
A good sidekick can put car crash damage on you, a bad one and you're just pushing yourself away from the target with your foot.
>>
>>745004
It's good business.
>open McDojo
>don't do tournaments
>good friends with everybody, community
>teach enough to keep people interested, never teach em enough to be dangerous
>never go to court because of that one loopy student
>turn out generations of civilians who walk around looking fit,confident but not arrogant
living life smalltime and quiet
>training/grading fees for years
>>
>>753662
Probably grew up playing soccer
>>753697
Don't, though.
>>
>Year ago
>missed my brown belt test because no wheels
>next class, new brown belt thinks he's hot shit since he got his
>be first one to randori him
> falls for the most simple arm bar, and kimora baits ever
>He's now pouty because his new belt doesn't mean he's good
Also
>new guy comes in
>21 former marine
>"yea I learned some MCMAP"
>randori begins and just start tossing him
>fuck up and get my head caught in a guillotine
>son of a bitch nearly breaks my neck because he dosent know how to chock with the guillotine
Fuck that guy, he was cool and all but he never learned how to properly apply a guillotine
>>
>>767312
>A good sidekick can put car crash damage on you, a bad one and you're just pushing yourself away from the target with your foot.
I learned side kick 13 years ago

i suspect in another 13 i will be getting good at it

and perhaps a 13 after that i will have some skill with it

one day i will do a thesis on the FLSK
>>
>>744161
Are you talking about me?

What gym negra?
>>
File: 1447569013922.jpg (48KB, 469x505px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
1447569013922.jpg
48KB, 469x505px
I see great potential for us martial arts weekend warriors on this board guys. Let's take over the board.

Anybody with an account on ug/bullshido/sherdog/misc should go to to those forums and tell them of our new uncensored imageboard.
>>
>Uni judo club
>Full of white and yellow belts, as well as the occasional orange
>There's this one huge 120kg+ Russian green belt who doesn't even go to the uni
>Used to do sambo or some shit
>Only ever spars against people who are way smaller and less experienced than him
>Treats everything like a competition, won't even let white belts get their grips before he ura nages them
>During uchikomi he'll occasionally just do a full-force throw without saying anything
>e.g. one time when I was a white belt and he was doing ippon seoi nage uchikomi, he threw me with a massive sode tsurikomi goshi without even letting go of my arm so that I could breakfall
>Sees himself as some kind of super-technical legend, teaches things to white belts that basically come down to "hurt them until they get pissed off at you" and which are against the rules half of the time
>e.g. "Rub your knuckles against their throat to distract them for a throw"
>After he choked me unconscious in randori I refused to ever train with him again
>Turns out the reason he never spars with either of the two black belt coaches is because they refuse to spar with him too
>Now half of the class refuses to train with him (even uchikomi etc.)
>He can never find sparring partners
>He's stopped coming and is instead going to the shitty kempo class next door (including one time literally just walking out of the class to go over there)
>>
>>769369
>inviting people offsite onto 4chan
I miss the days when 4chan was isolationist and resistant to new users. Hell, people even used to bitch about cross-boarders.
>>
>>769643
So the blackbelts are afraid of him?
>>
>>769643
Why doesn't someone just kick his ass?
>>
>>775191
No, they think he's a dick.
They obviously beat him, they just don't like him rubbing his knuckles against their throat while they do it.

>>775212
Because we're nice people?
>>
>>737156
Pretty good kek
>>
>>769643
I'm 100% certain we are in the same club. This is a strange coincidence.
>>
>>775551
Who dis?
>>
this happened a few years ago when our club used to have 12+ active fighters, now we are about 4 that regularly train

>after training some of us go to a pub and have a drink or whatever
>new guy, kind of a douche mocks others because they aren't drinking beer(some had to drive, some where still too young etc), he was being a huge asshat in general
>sensei sits next to him, starts giving a huge telling-off in front of everyone, so loud that even other people in the pub start looking towards them
>douchebag leaves, never seen him again

not much action but I really had to try not to laugh out loud
>>
>>775961
Depends... Who dis?
But yeah. Uni starts with M, suburb starts with C.
>>
>>776668
Get off of 4chan, Will
>>
>>776680
This isn't Will, Aidan
>>
>>776734
This isn't Aidan, John.
>>
>>776885
Lel, he did actually get it right.
He's probably not going to admit who he is though.
>>
>>741633
Weird, I've been practicing Eskrima for nine months and have yet to encounter any retards.
Everyone is friendly and professional. Some people suck, some are awesome, but no one is an asshole.
>>
>>777864
How do you find it? Looks like fun, theres an Eskrima group here in Bilbao somewhere and I've been thinking of getting into it
>>
>>777946
There's a variety of styles.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Epmin-BomkM

I do Balintawak, though a slightly different school from the one in the video.

The basics are still the same - Teacher/advanced student beats younger student up while correcting them, until they master their movements, so that the beating up may increase in pace.

There is no sparring, but that training style trains reflexes. It starts with stick on stick counters, but then moves on to "groupings", which are situations like "enemy is headbutting you" or "he tries to punch you" or "you stick is grabbed".

It's definitely fun, because you can feel your progress quite well, as the pace of the drilling sessions increases. Compare that to Japanese martial arts, that tend to be heavily fragmented and only make sense after months upon months of training, because you aren't constantly repeating a set of basic movements like it's done here.
Also, once you are far enough along, you start training newbies yourself without being a master. And as every newbie trains with every experienced guy, they learn new tricks from everyone, because everyone has had different experiences and different issues to work out.
I like to pay attention to the footwork of my newbies and talk to them so they start doing everything subconsciously, for example.

However, as I said, there is a high variety of styles.
Modern Arnis, for example, has a stronger focus on a variety of weapons and mundane items. Balintawak only teaches stick, double stick, stick and knife, knife and unarmed stuff, but tends to be very refined and "rough", as it was created by people who thought that eskrima was starting to get too pussyfied and that they should go back to their warrior roots.
Modern Arnis, on the other hand, is designed to be easy to learn and have lots of fun variety. I personally haven't tried it, because I don't want to fuck up my reflexes with a different but similar set of basic defenses.

So, it depends, basically.
>>
>>777959
Man, maybe I should go to sleep. I've written this post in the style of a fucking imbecile.

Anyway, picking up a prop sword and realizing that you can fight with it, because your training requires you to move as if your stick had a blade, is quite a nice experience.
>>
>>777961
Seems it, I'm interested int he stick fighting, espada y daga type fighting in particular appeals to me, mostly it's just the idea of doing a weapon art too though, put it in with my few years kickboxing and the Judo I started
>>
>>777966
It's fun to learn two-handed stick fighting, especially when you come across online debates about how dual-wielding doesn't exist.

Man, now I can't find a fuckawesome video about a slightly flashy style where one dude dual-wields like an ace. The video looks like he's basically pre-planning all of his movements. His arms are constantly re-positioning for his next strike while his current strike is going.
His cover is wide open during most movements, but fuck if it doesn't look awe-inspiring.

And yeah, using weapons definitely broadens the horizon. Especially when you stand in the kitchen and start using your techniques with your kitchen knife.
We also learned how to use keys or a pen for self defense.
>>
>>777973
Here, I found it:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F4NkWboFlJ8

The fun part starts at 36 seconds. Everyone else sucks.
>>
>>777979
looks like great fun senpai
>>
>>777994
I sure hope so.

Come back with results.
>>
>>777959
This video is sick. The way the teacher explains the logic of the whole thing is pretty sweet, and the development you talked about in your post seems really sensical.

The flow of drills is really something as well, and it's cool to see the student really focusing on it while the teacher is relaxed but hyper coordinated.

I'm taking Kung Fu at a weird little dojo in my town, and they're letting me choose a weapon soon, and I'm definitely swinging for Double Eskrima Sticks. I've heard They're hard to pick up on because of the demand of movement and consistent coordination. Would you say that's accurate?
>>
>>777997
Probably won't get into it until after christmas tho, gotta go back to Ireland to see the family first.
>>
>>777998

It's funny how after some years of training you can totally see through what the teacher is doing. Even when you do a completely differnt style, after some time you understand the general principles are always the same and then it's only: "ok, he uses a different timing to intercept the strike before the other guy started it" and: "oh, he uses a vine. Well, I would have done it different, but OK."
>>
>>777998
>I've heard They're hard to pick up on because of the demand of movement and consistent coordination. Would you say that's accurate?
I can't really say for sure, as I mostly have experience in drilling them, not using them independantly yet.

It's definitely harder to put in the proper body mechanics and you need a lesson or two to get the hang of the drilling pattern, but it isn't all that hard.
I imagine coordinating the sticks separately (Which, in Balintawak, would mean a drilling style where you have to react to two different attacks at once) to be quite demanding.

And yeah, I fucking love the teaching method. I feel like more martial arts should do it, but then there's an issue of scaling. To properly run a Balintawak group, you need about as many newbies as veterans and for every veteran you need additional trainers. Which is obviously not viable.
My main issue right now is that I'm basically a noob trainer at the moment, instead of student, because I'm constantly doing the attacker role. I mean, I learn a shitload about the art that I wouldn't have in the defending role, but my reflexes have gotten slower compared to my first test that I had a few months ago.
The teacher occasionally takes the experienced students aside so they don't get rusty, but we are obviously slower than we were as newbies. Also, because the course is seasonal, we have the occasional two month pause. during which my reflexes do get rusty and I then start, for example, drawing stabs towards me instead of away from me during the first lesson.

Still, at least I do have these reflexes. That's what I love about the art - the stress drill is the most basic component of learning defense here.
[cont]
>>
>>778909
Hell, during the test that I took, the national master (it's a fucking small club, directly authorized by the master on the Phillipines) and my trainer got the instruction "put on as much pressure as possible" during the last portion, with the master loving to do fan strikes just to fuck with your mind (fan strikes are done off-note, in contrast to the clack-clack-clack pattern that you get used to) and then telling you to stop giving a fuck, because you can't defend against all attacks in a fight, anyway.
After the session was over, he asked me if I had done disarms already. I told him that we did, but only once or twice and I barely remember.
So he held out his stick in front of me and told me "disarm!" and somehow I did.

And that test was after four hours training in the sun.

The next day I subconsciously used the fighting stance to stabilize myself in the train.
I hope I can go to the next seminar, even though I'm not yet ready for my second graduation.

(There are two graduations for students - and the one that I got only exists in my country because our master asked the grandmaster - and three graduations for instructors)
>>
>>754749
you can't let yourself give any importance to mongs like this by paying attention to them. they eventually learn or quit after their ignorant overconfidence overrides their cowardice and they end up sparring with the wrong person
>>
File: 1441994960693.jpg (25KB, 400x386px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
1441994960693.jpg
25KB, 400x386px
>>738814
>challenges the 8 year old to a pushup contest
>>
>be me bbj white belt but with a decent 2 years training
>recently switched to a mcdojo to train with a good friend of mine
>about 1 month in a newb on his trial membership shows up
>instructor pairs me with him no submissions, light positional rolling with me in an inferior postion
>newb starts bitching because he doesnt want these handicaps
>instructor gives in because he doesnt know what he is doing
>now were standing about to begin our match under the same guidelines no subs just light rolling
>newbs friends watching off to the side
>match starts newb comes at me hard with all his strength slams me on my back
>instructor yells submissions (permission for me to crush this dude)
>i sweep the newb and get into an open guard type of position
>in newbs spazzing haste to get off of his back he hits me in the nose
>i start leaking and switch to killmode
>what time i have left in the round is spent in knee on belly/ face inflicting as much pain and embarrassment as i can
>find out newb is from a local muay thai gym and thought he would come into mcdojo to show off
>>
>>781455
>knee on belly

Do you put it literally in the belly or in his sternum? Also do you pull his head forward?
>>
>>781499
>knee on belly
just the name of the position man
>actually has clothes on while finishing a rear naked
>>
File: 1431544261045.jpg (13KB, 215x200px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
1431544261045.jpg
13KB, 215x200px
>>767236
>>
>>781579
kek
>>
File: 49f402d504.jpg (7KB, 146x208px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
49f402d504.jpg
7KB, 146x208px
>>781455

>9gag
>NEWB

Kill yourself, my man.
>>
>>737156
>sparring MT
> it's my first year but I start to spar correctly
> spar with a experienced guy, its his 5 or 6th year
> guy is heavier and taller so I'm careful, but spar is nice and we both are practicing with pleasure
> I take a clean middle kick, adrenaline flows
> increase my speed, the guy has to turtle for a sec
> I cease opportunity and grab his neck
> usually I do not pull that hard so my knee hit at most thorax
> guy has the shitty reflex of bowing as I pull him way harder than usual (still dont know who does this after some years of practice)
> knee hits nose at combat speed
> guy interrupts spar instantly, nose bleeds, maybe broken, is mad
> pleasekillme.png

nose was fine, and guy calm down after some time, telling me it was both our fault, and that those kind of things happen in the heat of things. it was hard to focus on next spar that day, though.
>>
>be me about 2 years ago
>17 years old
>just started tkd
>fresh yellow belt
>doing patterns in class
>end of pattern have to yell extra loud
>voice brakes like its never broken before
>continous howling sound
>hold stance perfectly
>ohlordpleasehelpmeno.gif
>knees weak
>palms sweaty
>no one ever said anything about it
>not sure if anyone heard and knew it was me
>>
>>745010
same here. How do you react ? Usually I warn them once. Next step is hitting a clean straight (very easy on beginners) with some power, or a powerful front kick in liver region as he rushes.

Usually the shock on their face is enough to calm them, and I take a few seconds to explain that they have to calm down.
Thread posts: 141
Thread images: 20


[Boards: 3 / a / aco / adv / an / asp / b / bant / biz / c / can / cgl / ck / cm / co / cock / d / diy / e / fa / fap / fit / fitlit / g / gd / gif / h / hc / his / hm / hr / i / ic / int / jp / k / lgbt / lit / m / mlp / mlpol / mo / mtv / mu / n / news / o / out / outsoc / p / po / pol / qa / qst / r / r9k / s / s4s / sci / soc / sp / spa / t / tg / toy / trash / trv / tv / u / v / vg / vint / vip / vp / vr / w / wg / wsg / wsr / x / y] [Search | Top | Home]
Please support this website by donating Bitcoins to 16mKtbZiwW52BLkibtCr8jUg2KVUMTxVQ5
If a post contains copyrighted or illegal content, please click on that post's [Report] button and fill out a post removal request
All trademarks and copyrights on this page are owned by their respective parties. Images uploaded are the responsibility of the Poster. Comments are owned by the Poster.
This is a 4chan archive - all of the content originated from that site. This means that 4Archive shows an archive of their content. If you need information for a Poster - contact them.