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ITT Times you cut a promo on someone IRL

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Thread replies: 35
Thread images: 8

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Post em I could use a good laugh
Well Dad, you've been out of my life for 5 years and I don't miss you, and I'm glad the bus didn't miss you either. RIP
my dick might be small but it sure is skinny
>Mom, while you lay there, hopefully as uncomfortable as you possibly can be, I want you to listen to me. I want you to digest this because before I leave in 3 weeks for college, I have a lot of things I want to get off my chest.
>I don’t hate you, MOM. I don’t even dislike you. I do like you. I like you a hell of a lot more than I like most people in the family.
>I hate this idea that you’re the best. Because you’re not. I’m the best. I’m the best in the world. There’s one thing you’re better at than I am and that’s kissing Dad’s ass.
>You’re as good as kissing Dad’s ass as Sis was. I don’t know if you’re as good as grandpa though. He’s a pretty good ass kisser. Always was and still is.
>I’ve been the best since day one when I walked into this family. And I’ve been vilified and hated since that day because Uncle saw something in me that nobody else wanted to admit. That’s right, I’m a uncle guy.
>The reason I’m leaving is you people. Because after I’m gone, you’re still going to pour money into this family. I’m just a spoke on the wheel. The wheel is going to keep turning and I understand that. Dad is going to make money despite himself. He’s a millionaire who should be a billionaire. You know why he’s not a billionaire? Because he surrounds himself with glad-handed, nonsensical, douchebag (censored) yes men, like Grandpa, who’s going to tell him everything he wants to hear, and I’d like to think that maybe this company will better after Dad is dead. But the fact is, it’s going to be taken over by his idiotic daughter and his doofus son-in-law and the rest of his stupid family.
6/10 should of said hello to the cat
This one fucking roastie blew me off at the club and I went ballistic

>You need to understand that your mouth and your little vagina - it's all kiddie games. You can't leave a Mark on the Champ's bed sheets. Come your 30th birthday, understand, when you cry into the cake, your boobs are just too saggy to get fucked by God!

Got banned for life.
Told my best friend he was a stupid cunt last night.

Left out the part about him being a 25 y o KV NEET. Gotta save some material for next week
You school's anime club?
If your best friend is stupid and a cunt, what are you jabroni?
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>Be me
>Algebra II teacher fucking hates me
>Gets real fucking condescending, with the whole "you're gonna fail at life" schtick
>She's probably 4'11" and 150 lbs, looks like a troll
>I just replied "Will you please. Shut. The hell. Up."
>With no forethought that turned into a three minute promo
>Wasn't even planning on it but I was hitting low as shit
>Talking about her dead husband and her kids that don't speak to her
>Saying she's the reason people are failing her class
>How no one is gonna be sad when she dies (she was like late 60's then)
>She's fucking breaking down in tears and half of the class (my people) are going ape shit at my savagery and the other half (preps and soft-skinned bitches) are looking at me like I just raped a baby
>Vice Principal that EVERYONE hates gets called down there
>She tries to pull rank on me
>Cut another promo on the dyke of a VP
>Talk about her weight and butch cut hair
>Throw around stereotypes about guys not finding her attractive so she had to switch teams
>Get taken to another VP
>Dude is laughing his ass off as I explain it to him
>Get five days of OSS and had to write an apology to both of them
>End up passing the class with a B+
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>mom tries to make me go to bed early because I was bad
>drop a pipe bomb on her and say this house will be better off when she's dead
>dad tries to chime in
>call him a doofus
>he tackles me to the ground and starts whaling on me
>wtf I was supposed to go over
>realize shoot fights aren't booked
>get up bloodied and bash and tell my dad to always believe in himself
Fucking kek, that was a good thread
>girlfriend tells me spark has gone, I'm lazy, I've got no ambition
>"fine speech Stacey"
>"Yeah I might be lazy and I might have no ambition but who has been holding this place down 24/7 365? I'm not gone for days at a time, I'm right here, I don't need to be at Jamal's place trying to prove something because proved it right here"
>sophomore year of hs
>transfer to new school
>in English class
>someone in the room is a special needs kid that the district has to integrate, so there's an aid in the room every day this kid is there
>aid helps teacher grade papers sometimes
>teacher is a young guy, just got his tenure, total bro
>aid accuses me of plagiarism, gets really condescending and rolls her eyes when I insist I wrote it
>lose my shit
>listen you fucking bitch, just because you have to babysit retards all day doesn't mean I'm one of them. I write my own shit
>both teacher and aid's jaws hit the floor
>dead silence
>I walk out
>next day
>got an A on the paper
>Be me
>In Bio
>Teacher is in his Early 50's he watched WWF in the 90's
>Kid behind me starts trying to act all cool
>He keeps making jokes that aren't funny
>He tells one of his lackluster jokes
>I turn around and cut a savage promo on him
>"You see this is why no one likes you"
>"You keep telling these mind numbing jokes that everyone finds annoying"
>"You're trying to be cool with your little kliq"
>"Well you're not and you keep trying to impress girls in this class with your lame ass jokes"
>Next day
>Cool af Teacher grades our papers on Genetics
>mfw I get an A
>get utterly btfo by DAD FOR BEING A MANCHILD
>*adjusts hat*
>make serious face
>for 25 years you have been my father and for 25 years your parenting has been irrelavent!
>After you usurp your dad as head of household, you tell him he's a great contender and one of the best
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>female worker mentions how /fit/ I am
>tells me about her husband who wants to lose weight but has """thyroid""" issues and has a "thicker body frame"
One night my mom was going on about her trials and tribulations as a young person seeking employment in the mid 70s and how she only made something like 5.50 an hour starting back then so milllennials had no reason to complain when I just had enough and went off the deep end and went on a long rant about inflation, home ownership, deregulation, and ended up using the F word when I told her I didn't need some fucking boomer telling me trite bits of "advice" like "pull yourself up by your bootstraps" or to "get out there and pound the pavement" and that if she actually wanted to help me she could use her brain for more than 5 seconds and actually think about the issue. It was the one time I ever truly raised my voice to her and I don't regret it.
I don't get how BMJ is allowed to do this.

>some guy puts his heart and soul into promo
>buries him immediately with 'FINE SPEECH'
Well you see, the fact of the matter is
>insulting someones dead dad and hitting low by implying her kids hate her and she'll die alone
>just because she gave you shit
If this actually happened, you're a cunt, a funny cunt, but still a cunt.
lmao 9/10
BMJ has basically two responses to his opponents.

1. Fine speech. *tackles opponent to the ground*
2. Fine speech. *starts yelling about how nobody in the world has more PASSION AND HEART AND LOVE FOR THE WWE FANS than him*

Both are done to death, 2 especially.
you might be B+ player, but youre A+ for me
A few nights ago at dinner

>You know they say that all men are created equal, but you look at me and you look at my mummy and you can see that statement is not true. See, normally if you cook one pizza for 2 people, you share the slices 50/50. But I'm a genetic freak and I'm not normal! So you got a 25%, AT BEST, at take pizza. Then you add my dumb sister to the mix, your chances of winning drastic go down. See the 3 way, at dinner, you got a 33 1/3 chance of eating pizza, but I, I got a 66 and 2/3 chance of pizza, because Stacey is a bulimic slut and YOU KNOW she's not even gonna try.

>So mom, you take your 33 1/3 pizza, minus my 25% pizza and you got an 8 1/3 chance of eating at dinner. But then you take my 75% chance of eating, if we was to go one on one, and then add 66 2/3 per slices, I got 141 2/3 chance of eating pizza. Senorita mummy, the numbers don't lie, and they spell tendies for dessert at dinner.
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>senorita mummy

God damn it.
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Here's the thing, Anon. I've seen students like you come and go a million times. All students that are very smart, don't get me wrong. Top students! Very popular! But not "the one." Never were they "the one." And maybe nobody wants to say this, but it needs to be said: It's a fact. If any of those guys had been the valedictorian of the school back in the day, we'd all be teaching under the state government right now. You think you're playing in the big leagues, kid? You have no idea. You step inside /asp/ and I have a feeling you're gonna prove to the world that you're a B+ player.
Get a job hippie.
ITT Times TV Characters cut promos
That's why I main evented Mathemania and you didn't.
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>I'm a uncle guy
> because Stacey is a bulimic slut and YOU KNOW she's not even gonna try.
Thread posts: 35
Thread images: 8

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