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Autism Stories

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ITT: /asp/ related stories where you witnessed autistic shit or were part of it yourself.

>paintballing with a group about a year ago
>it was a meetup event so I didn't really know anyone there, just wanted a big group to play with
>we're innawoods, 10 v 10
>find myself pinned down pretty far ahead of rest of team
>get shot in the back of the head
>hear teammate say "oh shit, sorry man"
>stings like a bitch but I tell him it's fine
>after match he comes up to me
>"dude I feel really bad about what happened back there, I guess you're the Pat Tillman of the team haha"
>want to show him there's no hard feelings so I try to throw a joke back
>"yeah" I say, "except what happened here was an accident"
>everyone on team stops and looks at me
>there's like 6 ex military dudes in the group and they all act super pissed
>play one more round and make up excuse to leave early
>never go back to that arena
Yeah paintballing is pretty autistic.
>it was a meetup event
top kek
any more autism stories?
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I could write a book series with all the cringey shit I've witnessed in airsoft. I doubt there is a single recreational activity that is more infested with tryhards than airshit.

>been meeting up with a small group roughly every other week
>usually 10 or 12 guys, pretty casual, go out into the woods and play versus matches or sometimes we'd go to one guy's property and play with this ramshackle fort he built
>mostly pleb tier guns, normal clothes, sometimes guys would bring cool stuff along (one guy has a half-shelter he uses as camo, another guy occasionally shows up in medieval armor for laughs)
>one day we get a new guy
>we can immediately tell hes going to be "one of those"
>pimped out s00per 0per8or rifle with shitloads of attachments
>camo head to toe, tactical vest, grenades, tries to talk like a real high speed low drag military type but he's like 16
>find out he's in JROTC (so of course he knows more about the military and guns than any of us mere mortals could even imagine)
>we start the match and right off the bat he starts screaming orders and shit
>only gets madder when people just snicker and split off into pairs
>every single match he gets bodied first thing, half-shelter guy takes him out three or four matches in a row at one point
>gets one kill the entire day, a grenade kill
>"see that shit right there, that's how it's done oorah semper fi"
>he gets madder and madder the more we kill him
>finally goes full REEEE mode, starts throwing stuff at us and accusing us all of cheating
>starts throwing all of his grenades every which way, woods filled with smoke
>both sides stop fighting each other and start showering him with BBs
>he rips off his vest and throws it at one of the guys
>runs back to his car, screeching and cussing us out the whole way
>speeds off leaving some of his gear behind
>we try to contact him to return the gear but get no response
>eventually sell the gear and use the money to go out to Five Guys after one of our meetups
>mma, grappling night
>getting my ass-whooped as fucking usual since I specialized in striking
>got matched with gym's strongest guy's 8/10 qt sister (he's a national champ btw)
>round 1 got pinned down by triangle choke
>round 2 held my own better than the last but still struggling
>get stuck on a rear-naked choke
>feel my stomach rumble but resisted
>miraculously goes free and rushes for an armbar
>it goes in fuck yeah
>goddamn she's super tough
>can't hold the fart anymore, she hasnt tapped yet, and her arms and head are still stuck between my legs
>release loud fart from the sweet potatoes and corn I ate 2 hours ago
>I let her go and immediately bowed and apologise again and again
>she cringes so bad and rushed to the bathroom to puke
>whole gym was laughing and her bro wasn't even mad he was laughing with the other gymbros
>tfw cant look at her in the eyes anymore

And this is why I don't wrestle at all.
>or were part of it yourself
I have a really hard time making friends with training buddies or being less than super-serious during training. In my head, they're people for training in a place for training during training time, so it's tough for me to connect with them as people and I'm always Spergimus Prime when they try to be social at me.
I remember doing HEMA for about 18 months, skipped around between a few clubs and in each and every one there was "that girl"; the one militant lesbian bull dyke who constantly has to prove herself by owning newcomers because "grills can fite too!1!!"

They all had short hair and piercings, wore the same cheap leather body protection that looked like second-hand BDSM gear, had the same condescending attitude and over-competitiveness that drove beginners away, and they were all just huge killjoys in general.

Worst part was when a beginner didn't come back (which was more often than not) they'd gloat and say shit like "hah typical man, can't handle getting beaten by a girl!" like no bitch they left because they came here to learn and improve and instead you wiped the floor with them and made fun of them until they left

When I got gud I delighted in thrashing them. Most were actually pretty mediocre, but they got a reputation as being really good because they only ever took on beginners.
This is why you shove ten tones of toilet paper into your asshole bro.
did you fuck her brah?
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>eventually sell the gear and use the money to go out to Five Guys after one of our meetups

You magnificent bastard.
Were any of them qt3.14s? Where were these schools? I'll show up for some Ringen.
>be me
>be autistic in the autistic thread

These were in New England and no. Mostly pudgy, pasty Tumblr types or P!nk impersonators. Pretty sure a fair majority were actual lesbians too

There are nice girls in HEMA/historical fencing but they're few and far between and very quiet
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>P!nk impersonators
>nice girls

I was saying the P!nk impersonator types were among the not-nice girls u fricken dumbie
I know, but you differentiated them from the pudgy, pasty Tumblr types, so that's good enough for me.
There was a chick like that would showed up to judo for like 3 days. The bitch even tried to tell me had to ukemi. She injured her knee or something and never came back. I never got to randori with her, but if I did then I would have launched her ass.
I've never met anyone from an ROTC program that wasn't a total sperglord or a shit person in general.
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