Archived threads in /asp/ - Alternative Sports & Wrestling - 1397. page

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Why did WWE waste a potential GOAT?

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>The best pure cringer in the history of the game
>The best pure striker in the history of not meeting Lebron James
>The worst fake dye job in the history of the game
>The best married to an anorexic dyker in the history of the game
>The best older than a caveman in the protohistory of the game
>The best pure striker in the history of every match is the same
>The best eye roller in the history of the game
>The best such an old cunt he is losing his molars in the history of the game

Who the fuck can possibly like this old piece of shit?
He is an old useless piece of trash. The Undertaker has had less good matches per minute than any other wrestler in history. His only 'good' matches go for like 40 minutes. Undertaker matches can only be good if they have every single finishing move and fake kickout imaginable. Calling an Undertaker match 'good' is like calling a cake good because it is covered in Oreo cookies and Nutella and Syrup and Honey, there is no finesse it just has everything. The average Undertaker match is like Paiges nude leak. On their own the Paige nude leaks were just a skanky slag eating cum, the leak only got attention because there was cock sucking, gangbangs and anal and everything just like how an Undertaker match is only good because it has every finishing move possible. Undertaker only has good matches because he has so many finishes


Tombstone
Chokeslam
Last Ride
Hells Gate
Old School
Sit Up
Eye Roll
The Zombie Swanton
Deadmans Elbow
McCool Driller

He needs to do these to get a pop. Undertaker can only get a pop by abusing his 50 fucking finishing moves. fuck him

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Wow! Miz is so over! Just look at all the fans watching his segment and not glued to their phones doing something else!

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What went wrong?

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Is this the most boring setup for Mania in history? I'm running down the list of obvious shit:
>Lesnar beats Goldberg
>Roman retires Taker
>Seth beats Haitch
>Cena and Nikki beat The Miz and Maryse
>Joe beats Sami (preshow I assume)
Nobody gives a shit about either of the women's championships, both Raw and Smackdown have the worst tag team champions possible heading into Mania, the best wrestler in the entire company is being wasted on Shane McMahon, and >cruiserweights
What am I supposed to be excited for, /asp/? I'm not watching Mania just to see a Canadian fatass beat up a Canadian dad for the United States Championship. Shit's fucking depressing.

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RAM tho, but is WWE finally commencing genocide on the shitty themed PPV names?
http://www.wrestlinginc.com/wi/news/2017/0321/624344/wwe-bringing-back-pay-per-view-after-13-years/

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>How about that hold harmless agreement from last night? That sounds pretty interesting.

What did Bryan mean by this?

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What the actual fuck was the point of this?

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Yall are missing a great Neville vs. Mustafa Ali match

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makes nikki bella look like a chestlet in comparison

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At Wrestlemania 33, Roman will turn heel after a clean victory over Undertaker. Taker will extend his hand out of respect, but Roman will beat him down.

Lesnar will go over Goldberg. The current plan is for him to keep the universal title until Wrestlemania 33, but he may drop it and regain it for Wrestlemania.

The uncertainty is due to the WWE draft, Roman will be drafted to Smackdown and AJ Styles will be drafted to RAW. Creative is toying with a Lesnar/Styles matchup for SummerSlam. WWE wants Lesnar to remain strong until Wrestlemania, but they don't want AJ to look weak and job. AJ may win with interferance from The Club which will kayfabe injure Lesnar. The benefit to this is to save money on not booking Lesnar until the Royal Rumble, where he will reclaim the title.

Also at SummerSlam a heel Reigns will face John Cena. Vince would like to save this until Wrestlemania, but there is uncertainty on John's future after Wrestlemania 34. Reigns will go over and continue as a heel.

After SummerSlam AJ Styles will enter a feud with Seth Rollins. The Club will prevent Rollins from winning. The plan is for Seth to get help from Dean Ambrose and Roman Reigns. At Survivor Series The Shield will face The Club, and Reigns will turn into a face.

Reigns will win the Royal Rumble and will want to settle his feud with Brock Lesnar, who will be the Universal Champion. At Wrestlemania 34 Roman will go over Lesnar and cement his place as the face of the company.

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HI THERE

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WE WIN AGAIN

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>don't really watch wrestling and never have
>been having fun browsing /asp/ and learning about it and the lore of the business (Benoit, Bret Hart, etc)
>finally get around to the CM Punk interview with Colt Cabana that's 2 hours long

holy shit bros

fuck the WWE

fuck HHH

fuck vince

CM punk did nothing wrong