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Ask a Safari Guide ANYTHING

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Thread replies: 45
Thread images: 3

I'm a Safari Guide in Southern Africa, I have a hell of a lot of experience with the wild animals that live in this vast area. Ask me questions, if you will
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BTW the picture is one I took of a female Nyala just outside my kitchen window
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What are the most awful animal experiences you have had?

Alternatively, any stories of tourists getting mauled or doing anything retarded?
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>>2001351
I've had several close calls with elephant, rhino, and buffalo on foot and in a vehicle, if you'd like to hear a story just pick a species.

As for tourists...I've had clients jump off a vehicle whilst there are lions 10 meters away.

>taking family of Indians on safari (its always indians that pull this shit)
>we find a pride of lions, males females and cubs
>we sit and watch them, motherfucker decides he wants a different angle for his over 9000 dollar camera
>jumps off the car, lions look at him confused as fuck
>tell him very seriously without being loud, that if he doesn't get back on the vehicle, the lions will undoubtedly kill and eat him
>he begrudgingly gets back on the truck
>I immediately drive back to base camp
>his whole family complains that I didn't take them close enough to the wildlife

Fuck Indians
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Did tourists ever awkwardly inquire about hunting safaris using overly complicated euphemisms?
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>>2001349
Have any tourists been killed by hippos in your area?
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Let's hear the rini close call, also how big are those fuckers?
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>>2001349

Worst tourists based on race/country?

>>2001356
Fucking hell. Should have let him get eaten.
I remember watching a Top Gear special in
Africa where the guys came across a group of American tourists all dressed up in khaki's with long white socks half way up their legs, funniest shit ever. They just looked ridiculous.
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>>2001356
I want to hear about elephants.

>>2001378
>Worst tourists based on race/country?
Curious about this myself.
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>>2001507
Got a few stories about elephants

>cruising through the bush
>bull elephant had recently flipped a vehicle, put some nasty holes in the truck with his tusks, almost killed two people
>I see a herd of elephants in the distance
>bull elephant was in musth, meaning high testosterone levels, meaning he'll be seeking out a herd of females looking for a mate, so I know he could be close
>sure enough, i come past some tall thick bushes and there he is, 20 m away, already running at the vehicle
>pedal to the metal, I jet the fuck out of there, hes right on our bumper for over 100 m before he gives up (like he was close enough to touch us with his trunk)
>laugh it off with the clients "wow that was close huh? Haha"
>I almost shat my pants
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>>2001559
>already running at the vehicle
Lel. Male elephants are fucking pricks.

You never answered this question though:
>Worst tourists based on race/country?
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>>2001562
I sort of already did, Indians are by far the worst. Extremely rude, zero respect for you, the animals, or the environment, and they love doing stupid shit. I had one try and steal my vehicle while we were stopped and standing around having coffee in the morning
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>>2001373
Nah, where I am the hippos are relatively relaxed it seems, there was one a year ago that liked to come into the lodge are at night and charge people though.

Management shot him, which I think is wrong seeing as he never actually hurt anyone.
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>>2001370
No, hunters are always very upfront about their love of killing shit. Luckily you dont get very many on safari, its mostly people with a love of nature and whatnot
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>>2001374
White rhinos get up to about 2500 kgs, while black rhinos are more like 1700. Theres this one white rhino bull in my area that sees vehicles as competition for females, so he charges and fucks up vehicles all the time

>on safari, naturally
>see this fucker, hes right next to the road ahead
>I have to pass him to get where I gotta go
>bite the bullet and just zoom past, he starts charging as Im next to him
>closes the ~10 m gap in about one second, puts a gaping hole in my tailgate with his horn
>clients loved it, they had never seen a rhino before
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>>2001565
LEL

But you expect us to believe that everyone else is perfectly well behaved? Come one, these are safaris, they probably attract assholes like flies to shit. Give us more to go on. We want to hear bad shit about people.

>>2001566
>Nah, where I am the hippos are relatively relaxed it seems, there was one a year ago that liked to come into the lodge are at night and charge people though.
Haha, fuck that's awesome.

>Management shot him, which I think is wrong seeing as he never actually hurt anyone.
Awww, he didn't even get to take anyone out. What a waste.
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What are the most and least interesting animals to watch?
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>>2001570
How many guides have been injured or killed?
What about tourists?
I assume guides are better about not feeding themselves.
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>>2001584
Eh the majority of clients Ive had are pretty alright. A few that are really stupid and arrogant, but not many stories. Other than the Indians who love to yell and scream at animals, get off the vehicle while theres dangerous animals around, etc.

9/10 that non-Indian clients do something stupid, its standing up in an open vehicle right next to an elephant or something like that. Had this stupid fuck Afrikaaner (also a terrible people) who thought itd be a great idea to stand up in an open vehicle right next to a female elephant. We were maybe 5 m away. I tell him to sit, and he gets angry at me! Jesus I almost wished for that elephant to rip his head off right in front of his wife and kids.
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>>2001586
In general, most animals are pretty boring to watch most of the time. They're usually either eating or sleeping. But when you do see them do something, its rad.

Lions, for example, are horribly boring to watch 9/10 times. They spend the vast majority of the day sleeping. But if youre lucky (and find em in the early morning or around sunset) you'll see some amazing things. A whole pride take down a zebra, some young females fight with a honey badger, etc.

Surprisingly, Warthogs are really interesting to watch most of the time though.
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>>2001588
Where I work, only a couple of guides have ever been killed, and it wasn't even by an animal. Both were killed in car accidents on the job, both car accidents were due to their extreme stupidity.

One client was killed by a buffalo years and years ago, but thats because she thought itd be cool to go for a walk in the bush by herself :^)

Guides get killed in places like Kruger all the time though. Also because of dumb shit like getting too close to a clearly agitated animal.
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What country are you from?
How did you end up with this job?
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>>2001601
Im actually from the USA originally. Spent a few years in South Africa as a kid, went back to the states, and now I'm back again.

As for getting the job, I took a two month course to get certified as a Field Guide with FGASA (google it) then managed to land a job at this awful lodge due to connections they had with the school I went to. It takes years, but if you keep studying and "levelling up" your qualifications, and youre good at your job, you can land some pretty cool work all over the continent.

Now because I'm a foreigner, Ive had to get a visa. THAT part is hell, and I really dont want to get into it haha.
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>>2001565
indian, and I agree with you. Indian tourists are loud ,rude and annoying as fuck.
also they do not respect nature, and your post only confirms what people do to caged animals in zoos around the country -they whistle, hiss and call the animals names.
I believe the park should levy hefty fines for people who engage in this behaviour and put lives at risk
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>>2001605
What's it like living in a post-apartheid state as an American?
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>>2001566

Hippos are fucking fast on foot, and with ALL DAT MASS it would likely just be a matter of time. Was probably closest to the right decision to put it down.
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I'm a hunter myself, what's your opinion on safari hunting. I am currently saving up for a trip, though that is a decade away. however, I want to know if there is any hidden bullshit associated, nature wise.
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>>2001630
Lol or they could have just moved it. It wasn't even easier to kill it, the manager just loves shooting shit
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>>2001619
Interesting. You hear on 4chan all about how whites are victimized and shit, which can be true. But yknow what? Most of em are doing just fine. They own businesses, farms, etc whilst the majority of blacks are in poverty. And yet a hell of a lot of white South Africans openly want to bring back apartheid. But thats cause the current government is corrupy as fuck and is threatening to send SA back to the dark ages.

Also, Afrikaans people are huge pricks most of the time. Like rednecks on steroids.
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>>2001631
Hunting is piss easy in Africa, you can legally kill literally any species you want, as long as you have enough cash. Even the endangered black rhino can be hunted legally for 250,000 USD.

Just dont be a dick. Hunt for food, not a big male lion whos genes are needed to stave off inbreeding.
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>>2001619
Also Ive had my ass beat by 3 Afrikaans guys before for telling them theyre apartheid views are stupid. I was drunk.
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Whats the most graphic and awful thing you've seen?
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>>2001676
Wild dogs rip an impala apart while it was still alive
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>>2001356
Injun Indians?
or Indian Indians?
I can vouch for Injun's being totally bro tier. My Grandpa had an Injun friend and they'd talk about cool shit all the time.
Indians are huge cunts though.
Fuck them.
Also do you get to eat any of the local wildlife?
I'd love to try a wildebeest burger sometime.
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>>2001713
not native americans, indians from india.
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Ever see someone try to have sex with a wild animal?
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You ever see an animal get killed while it was still alive?
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>>2001713
Kangaroo and ostrich are both easy to find and are fucking delicious. I know it's probably not what you meant, but those are the most exotic things I've ever had for dindins.
I'm not OP btw.
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>>2001787
That's typically when animals get killed. While they're alive. Did a meme just go over my head?
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Thanks for the cool thread, OP. Any cool stories about those warthogs?
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File: dfqwf.jpg (7KB, 260x194px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
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>>2001787
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File: CSMQBQdW0AA5sA5.jpg (99KB, 599x449px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
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Question for OP, I'm an amateur enthusiast wildlife photographer.

How much would it cost for me to go on a safari? Considering i'm rom america
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>>2001349
What gun do you carry with you?
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>>2001349
Which safari area do you work at? The closest I've been to the real deal is this one on London where you drive your car through animal enclosures. Was nice the guides had their mini jeeps and would feed packs of lions bears or wolves

Felt like jurassic Park desu
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Have you ever had a situation where there's been an injured animal that needed intervention?
Thread posts: 45
Thread images: 3


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