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So I went on a date with someone and it went OK but ended kind

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So I went on a date with someone and it went OK but ended kind of weird. She asked for another date but seemed sort of disinterested. The next day I talked to her friend who said she mentioned that I wasn't assertive/aggressive enough for her. I have looked online trying to understand this perspective but mostly just find a lot of complaints. Can someone help me understand? I paid for everything, what could she possibly mean?
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anyone
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>>18604847
What kind of girl was she anyway?
Also what kind of person are you

Moreover
>you have to be 18 to browse 4chan
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Any real answers?
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>>18604847
For assertiv/aggressive rather read "confident". Women look for someone who has power - its a biological thing - so if you're shy and geeky you might not come across as manly enough for her.
Thee are ways to fix this, but you asked for a dictionary not a how-to manual.
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>>18604909

What's with all the assumptions? I did the best I knew how and liked her a lot but am not terribly interested in someone who just uses me for money.

...How do you define power? What kind of power are women attracted to?
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>>18604847
>she mentioned that I wasn't assertive/aggressive enough for her.

She sounds like a whore. She is looking for an alpha take charge rapey kind of guy.
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>>18604847
>The next day I talked to her friend who said she mentioned that I wasn't assertive/aggressive enough for her

Too lazy to explain this shit to you, so here's a random youtube video:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=17JOLMd0hWs


Dating is all about the back and forth, the push and pull tension that makes shit exciting. But if the other side is constantly backing up and being a floormat, it's pretty hard to feel like anything exciting's going on.
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>>18605027
>being a floormat


How do you define a floormat behavior? Someone who isn't always in control?
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>>18605120
>How do you define a floormat behavior? Someone who isn't always in control?

Someone who always defers, who never takes the initiative, who never takes the lead--even when it's clear that the situation temporarily requires them to.
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there are some bitches (not me, i go for virgin programers) that likes guys who are overly confident. If you are a nice guy, pay for food, be pleasant and caring and didnt try to kiss at the end of date or if you didnt try to have physical contact/skinship or whatever called thing, she could have decided that you are not agressive enough. She probably likes those guys with small brains, overflowing confidence who will treat her as another slut to fuck and think thats how a manly guy should behave...
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>>18604847
>Her friend mentioned
Here's the problem
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>>18605146
>this

Also, it's important to point out that you don't have to be a guy with small brain and treat her like a slut. You can be a nice guy and still be agressive enough, it's just not usual. But anyways, if you're a nice guy, smart and overflowing with confidence, you should go look for a girl that's actually worth it. Unless you just wanted free sex.
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>>18605135

So a woman is blatantly ignoring me, but wants me to approach her.

How am I supposed to tell the difference between that woman and a woman who will call security on me for harassment?
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>>18605146
>She probably likes those guys with small brains, overflowing confidence who will treat her as another slut to fuck and think thats how a manly guy should behave...


but why
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>>18605756
Because everyone likes different shit. Are you as dense as you seem?
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>>18605767
>Because everyone likes different shit. Are you as dense as you seem

Why would anyone like that? And what's with the attitude?
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Most women are very insecure so they like a strong, confident guy that can be there to reassure them. If you're always defering to them like "What do you want to do?" or "I'm good with anything, why don't you decide?" or doormat shit like that, that just tires them out and makes them feel like they're taking care of you.

If a guy is willing to take charge more WHILE STILL KEEPING THE GIRL IN MIND, they are typically going to be far more attracted to that. She probably still said yes to a second date because she is physically attracted to you at least somewhat and likes other qualities you have.
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>>18605783
>She probably still said yes to a second date because she is physically attracted to you at least somewhat and likes other qualities you have.

So the idea of her liking me for who I am is simply out of the question? I don't like being bossy or controlling but I don't like that trait in others either. Does that mean I'm doomed to be alone?
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>>18605783
>reassure them

reassure them of what?
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>>18605789

There is a HUGE difference between being bossy and controlling (most girls don't like that) and being confident and sure of yourself. If you're talking and you say "Hey, there is this new restaurant I've been wanting to try, would you like to have dinner there on Friday?" that is way better than "I don't know, what do you want to eat? When are you free?"

The first one isn't bossy or controlling. It's you manning up and being confident in yourself. It's still being you, just with you being ok being you. Being bossy and controlling would be DEMANDING she act a certain way or do certain things.
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>>18605832
>"Hey, there is this new restaurant I've been wanting to try, would you like to have dinner there on Friday?"

Dude or chick, that's exactly how I talked to them. I didn't MAKE them make all the decisions, which is why i'm a bit perplexed.

>There is a HUGE difference between being bossy and controlling (most girls don't like that) and being confident and sure of yourself.

Well what is it? What's the diff? Both seem the exact same to me at the moment because I am confident of myself. I don't know what else to do
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anyone else maybe, i'm open to insight
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>>18605879
Let it go and you'll find a girl that's worth it.

Overthinking anything is never good. Learn how to let go and things always get better.
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You never heard that from her though, only her friend. People tend to mess up other people words. Ask her what she thought of the date, not her friend.
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>>18605892
>Overthinking anything is never good. Learn how to let go and things always get better.

Can you elaborate? I don't understand the logic here
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>>18605892
>Let it go and you'll find a girl that's worth it.

Also it's been ages since i've had a relationship. I don't know how you define letting go but i'd love to hear it.
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>>18605897

She showed me a text convo they had. It bummed me out but i'm glad I saw it so I don't get strung along, I just don't understand the perspective
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>>18605754
>How am I supposed to tell the difference between that woman and a woman who will call security on me for harassment?

How does that have anything to do with being a floormat?

Anyway, how you tell is basically you learn to read the situational context:

She's clearly busy/is doing something that requires focus/is on her way to or from something/is working/etc.

Probably leave her alone.

She's at a social event/location/is just idly fiddling around clearly doing nothing. Go ahead and approach her respectfully, and for a reason more than, a vague "Hey" with a thinly veiled reason of (I was staring at your tits).

And those situations are not general catchalls. They work on a case by case basis where you notice what that individual is doing, the cues that particular person is giving off, and with the particular environment your at

How do you learn that? The exact same way you learn any other socially appropriate behavior.

When is it appropriate to walk around with your shirt off?
In the middle of a bar? No.
At a random dinner party? No
At the beach? Yes.

When is it appropriate to shout?
At a library? No.
At an airport? No.
At sports game? Yes.

When is it appropriate to make a rude/dirty joke with.
When they're a perfect stranger? No.
When they're someone you have a hostile relationship with? No
When they're someone you have an established trust with? Yes.

At this point in your life, I assume that those are all things you know instinctively because you've already done them so many times and across in so many other contexts.

Where you're fucking up is:

You already know this shit, but for some reason you think a vagina makes things different.

When do you approach a stranger to start a conversation?
When they're clearly busy? No
When you've got alternative intentions, and just want them to give you want you want? Hopefully not.
When they're clearly bored, and you have something to share (a common interest/insight/musing/wahtever)? Sure.
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>>18605914

well i guess i've been lucky and just gotten dates without stressing about it, I just don't understand this idea that controlling behavior is attractive to women. especially when it becomes a trend.
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>>18605931

And it should't be a stressful thing.... The stress is pretty much entirely manufactured in your own head. It should be something natural and easy, like having almost any other conversation with a stranger.

> I just don't understand this idea that controlling behavior is attractive to women.

Nowhere did I ever say that.

I said being a floormat isn't attractive.

I'm a dude.

I don't even like women who are floormats. It's fucking boring when they bend over backwards on everything, have no opinion, and no personality.

Fuck dude, even subs typically only like being "controlled" in the bedroom, and the way they tell it, it's some random thing about trust or some shit.
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>>18605910
Yeah, get away. This type of girls have insecurites. My first thought was that you maybe weren't as interesting of a talker or something, but if that's the case what other anons said might be more plausible. Also from my own experience, if it's going well, we don't write to our friends about it. Pretty shity behavior of that friend, but hey, good for you.
Thread posts: 32
Thread images: 1


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