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I have a disorder and no one believes me

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I have a disorder, I've had it all my life. Teachers wanted me to get checked out as a child but my parents didn't and don't believe mental disorders are real other than mental retardation and severe expressions of it. They just beat me thinking I was hardheaded, a smart ass or being lazy.

I've dealt with the effects of a behavior that makes mental processing and language a challenge, I short circuit, have short term memory loss, am in flight or flight mode, have diagnosed ADHD and anxiety but I feel those are merely symptoms of a greater problem.

I've never been able to keep jobs longer than three months or so, I've been on and off homelessness from 17 to my mid twenties (now), I have only one lasting very close friendship (who thinks I'm on some sort of spectrum) and basically what I gather from others my behavior and reactions/social dynamics are repellant after some time. But I have many people who I am not so close with (intentionally) who think I'm witty, eccentric, caring and giving.

I'm smart I guess, I've had loads of opportunities in part because of that and because people think I'm attractive but I seem to always eventually crack or fail. I got offered this wonderful job three months ago that pays well and really cares about the employees, but even they are saying the repellant behavior is surfacing. They are invested in me but even they don't see it as a real disorder, just a personal fault of "not doing my emotional/spiritual work".

Mental health professionals just think I'm over thinking and tried to give me setraline, that hasn't done anything and I get off it.

What do I do? I don't want to lose this job.
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identify specifically what the repellant behaviors are and start doing not-that
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>>18603556
That's the thing though. How do you not forget? How do you not get argumentative? How do you not improperly communicate? How do you not be in flight or fight?

I can identify them, I can try to work on them but they seem outside of my control? Can you tell someone with clinical depression or autism to not be that and it work?
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>>18603569
depends what you mean by "work". depends more on how they choose to proceed, what they believe is/isn't possible, etc. there's no snap your fingers solution to any of this stuff. it takes time and dedication. resilience too because you're going to feel like you're not getting anywhere with it or even backsliding sometimes. that's all speaking generally. for you specifically, developing better coping mechanisms will help with the fight or flight thing. learning to notice that you're doing the thing when you're actually doing it will help with learning how to not do it. it's a process. you can't control your thoughts and feelings insofar as there's no real way to prevent certain thoughts/feelings from arising, whether it be completely on their own or as a result of some stimuli. you can however control your thoughts and feelings insofar as you get to choose how you're going to react when some negative thought/feeling enters. namely it's up to you what you're going to allow yourself to focus on (and thereby shape your mindset). there's little tricks too, body hacks if you will -- if you're in a shit mood, smiling will help you lift out of it; if you're feeling nervous or insecure, adopting a relaxed and confident posture will make it easier to feel sure of yourself. stuff like that. emphasis on "little tricks" though. relying solely on those won't get you very far. think of it like a booster to the main stuff.
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>>18603609
Thanks, I'm tearing up because like there really are things that aren't some personal defect or choice. Like no one wants this life and I want to do better but part of me wants to quite and escape to a forest again and like not deal with this because it's so daunting.

It's hard because like when I was being spoken to about this the person said so many incorrect things but if I said anything they'd say I was doing the irksome things about knowing everything and everyone else was wrong and it's the same cycle from the earliest times I could remember. I got expelled from a school as a child because someone incorrectly stated I did something I didn't do and to be quiet.

Over and over it's the same thing, me wanting to improve and others telling me how to but like what are the limits? Will they be enough I've never gotten an answer because no one seems to know.

What happens to people like me who don't "get it" will I just die on the streets? It's gruesome to see that sort of thing because I work with those who are, I'm one step away from that every single day.
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>>18603638
May I ask you to expand on what the person said as to what you perseive happened?
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>>18603680
People shut down because I speak too much before getting to my point, this leads to my clients not listening to me and shutting down. Or I never get to a point.

When I enter a room I will start talking, without pleasantries. I forget often, I am unorganized, I either shut down and am really quiet or am excessive.

I say sorry without changing these things, I always seem to be a deer in headlights, like frazzled. I speak on things from personal experiences and will argue those who say my personal experiences are wrong. I know a lot but am not an expert and he and others are and thus I am wrong.

I don't get the fine points of socializing.

There are a lot of good things which is why I haven't been fired but yeah these are what I can think of.

It's late and I have to be up in 8 hours for a meeting, is this board fast, will this go into archives by the time I wake up?
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>>18603680
Oh see this is another thing, I don't ask to clarify and give answers.

Can you be more pointed in what you are referring to exactly?
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>>18603690
>People shut down because I speak too much before getting to my point,
It is obvious you could exercise the "talk less and get to the point" skill. I mean, if you wanted. I bet if you dedicated just 10 minutes each morning. Why not try?
>When I enter a room I will start talking, without pleasantries.
Same as above.
> I forget often,
Don't. Do you forget your money at the ATM when you withdrawal money? No. Why? Because it is important. Treat it as important shit because even if it makes no sense to you people who can fire you find it relevant.
> I am unorganized.
Organize
> I either shut down and am really quiet or am excessive.
See first reply
>I speak on things from personal experiences and will argue those who say my personal experiences are wrong. I know a lot but am not an expert and he and others are and thus I am wrong.
yeah, that gets on my nerves too. I try to argue only on really relevant points that I'm not willing to give up precisely because they are important. So, all irrelevant, non fundamental, passable shit I don't argue and just hang around it nodding and agreeing. But on the important shit, shit that "it is the way it is" and not the way some retarded dumb fuck wants it to be I argue and don't let it go. Just learn to be difficult when it counts, but ONLY when it counts, not all the time.

Just dedicate the first 10 minutes of your day to fix your shit and you'll be fine. Dedicate them in all seriousness, every day, use a notebook, take notes and review them, make decisions, take it as a job. It's just 10 minutes Anon.
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i hear ya. life is tough but as they say, "nothing good comes easy". also "if it's worth having, it's worth working for." another good one, that. anywho. if the incorrect stuff is procedural, work related type items...as counterintuitive as it may seem oftentimes it's actually better to bite your tongue and let them go on thinking it until the inevitable happens and it blows up in their faces. pretty damn hard to deny it was incorrect at that point.
if the incorrect stuff is personal, you related type items...well there's a reason they got that impression, right? find out what that reason is. "hearing that comes as a pretty big surprise to me. i must be doing something that i'm not aware of or not noticing for you to have gotten that impression. can you tell me what's made you think that so i can get it sorted?" <--overly autistic phrasing but that's the basic idea of what you should be aiming to convey. not defensive, not standoffish, not challenging, not dismissive about it. best tone is neutral and matter of fact. if they give you something substantial to work with, use their feedback to inform the direction you might take to get that aspect of yourself sorted.
if it turns out the incorrect stuff is more to do with the realization that most people are basically retarded...well to paraphrase the best way i've heard it described, get used to being disappointed with, uh, ...well kinda everything really. yeah sorry not very uplifting, i know, but there you have it. find joy where you can; savor it when you do. (sidenote: if you've not yet found out that your life = you get to set your own expectations for it and yourself, and instead you're still scrambling to please everyone you know, the aforementioned disappointment will very likely be manifesting as neuroticism.)
lastly, regardless what the incorrect statements are founded upon... pick your battles. don't remain silent when it's in your best interest to speak up, and don't engage when it's not worth arguing over
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>>18603722
This is good advice, if a bit glib. The point is that most of your "problems" are matters of learnable skills, and if you treat them as such and set yourself the assignment of learning them, you WILL improve.

The one added suggestion I'd make is that you tackle these things only one or two at a time, so that you're not overwhelmed.

Start with something relatively simple, like getting organized. There are lots of online hints for putting a little structure in your life (Google for them), and you can apply them right away. Other things, like learning to get to the point, might take longer, so get a couple of successes under your belt first, to boost your confidence.
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Thanks you guys, I appreciate the help a lot.
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