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Wife with depression

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I've been married two years and in this relationship for about five, my wife has always been depressed but it used to be fairly minor and i was capable of helping her out of it, for the past three years its been getting progressively worse and its at the point now. She never wants to do anything, shes almost always in physical pain and obviously shes almost always miserable. I try my best to cheer her up but its having less of an effect with time. Another issue is that the only time she really tends to socialise with me these days is directly when she wants something from me, so now im getting increasingly pissed off with her and shes beginning to notice (which then causes her to get even more depressed), i obviously try my hardest to avoid getting annoyed by her constant demands and i know how depression effects people but i keep thinking "why cant you do X instead?"

Because she herself doesnt do anything its very clear shes pinning everything on me at this point but i literally cant do everything in the relationship, the worst part is when she scolds me for not doing enough when she actually does nothing.

We dont have sex anymore (we are both still young "early twenties") and she wont even make out with me for fear i might approach her sexually, she legitimately told me thats a problem. To counter balance this she has said this is because of her depression that her sex drive is shot to shit but when you have sex once every three months it doesnt matter, i still feel like shit regardless.

I've scheduled a doctors appointment and she is going to start a course of anti depressants, the issue is in the past shes had extremely bad reactions to them and had to stop. So if this should happen and things are as bad as ever i dont know if i can cope.

To get to the question... should the anti depressants fail what can i do?
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>>18600520
Anti-depressants are almost always a short-term solution, even if they work. Get her to a professional psychiatrist (not psychologist, as they can't prescribe medicine), have follow-up visits to make sure the medicine is working as intended, and then finish it off with regular therapy from a psychologist.
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>>18600520
anti depressants are not going to help the libido issue at all
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>>18600551
Honestly while it stings i can survive her libido issues, i just want to see her get better.

>>18600528
I'll ask her doctor for recommendations for a good psychatrist in the area, i just hope i can afford it.

Another issue is that she wants to move to the west coast as she loves it there and we currently live in the shitty midwest, trouble is im only just getting my foot in the door career wise out of university and she has no college degree so i know moving is pretty much off the cards at least for the next few months. Problem is she wants to leave before november which i dont think is doable, but telling her this is going to fuck her up even more.

I know I'll need to tell her the facts of the matter i just want her to get some help before hand...

Thanks for the help.
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>>18600558
>I'll ask her doctor for recommendations for a good psychatrist in the area, i just hope i can afford it.
How can you be married and not have insurance to cover this shit?

>Another issue is that she wants to move to the west coast as she loves it there and we currently live in the shitty midwest,
No. Just no. You're married, so I can assume both of you are legally adults. You go where the money is. If I was offered 300k per year to work in Alaska, my wife (who doesn't work) would be buying a parka. Coming from someone who lives in the "shitty midwest," but was born in Boston, and has lived all over the place throughout my life.

>Problem is she wants to leave before November which i don't think is doable
It's not. You're looking at $1200/month rent before utilities in an absolute shit hole that is an hour away from any job worth having.

>but telling her this is going to fuck her up even more.
Tough. Reality is reality, and your wife better grow the fuck up and realize that marriage is 2 people doing what is best for them as a single unit.
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>>18600558
The coasts are a meat grinder. The best people in their towns will struggle to be average on the coasts. Don't go there if you aren't amazingly successful already.

I work at a power plant, and when looking for a new job, I typically look for the 30-40/hr range. If I were to accept a job on the coast, they would need to offer at least 60 bucks per hour, and even then, I'm not sure I would take the job. Coastal states are insanely expensive to live in.
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>>18600565
>How can you be married and not have insurance to cover this shit?

Civil court marridge is extremely cheap, i needed to do it to start work in the US of A and I didnt think her mental state would worsten when we got married. Thats not a fair assumption

>No. Just no. You're married, so I can assume both of you are legally adults. You go where the money is. If I was offered 300k per year to work in Alaska, my wife (who doesn't work) would be buying a parka. Coming from someone who lives in the "shitty midwest," but was born in Boston, and has lived all over the place throughout my life.

I agree, its just that she has an extremely over-romantic view of life living there despite the fact that we already lived there, struggled to make ends meet and had to leave but...

>Tough. Reality is reality, and your wife better grow the fuck up and realize that marriage is 2 people doing what is best for them as a single unit.

I agree, the problem is that shes severly depressed and is getting more and more irrational by the month so its all the harder to have those tough reality call talks with her and have it be productive.

So the plan is still to wait until she getting some kind of mental health assistance before hand but i fully plan on doing what you said.
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>>18600581
Tell her she's welcome to go out there and fund it by herself. She isn't entitled to a lifestyle unless you were already providing her that lifestyle before marriage.

Also, be prepared to spend 300/hour for psychiatrists. I would google "sliding scale," and your area if you don't have insurance.
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>>18600581
You treating your wife with kid's gloves isn't going to help her grow up.
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>>18600584
Thanks for the advice, I'll confront her about it after her doctors visit tomorrow.

>>18600585
I mean, granted thats true but again i am dealing with someone legitimately mentally ill so it isnt as easy as simply "be tough"
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>>18600610
I understand why you're feeling that way, but if she isn't suicidal, or at risk of becoming suicidal, then a big part of her depression might be her being unable to come to terms with why reality doesn't coincide with what she thinks reality /should/ be. You sheltering her from reality isn't going to help her. If she's a suicide risk, then I understand your concern. Otherwise, I see it as a lack of understanding and you being unwilling to help her understand, which can contribute to the depression.
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I'm sorry op. Mental health is a struggle for the individual with the issues and their loved ones. I don't have any suggestions other than for her to try different antidepressants until she finds one that works for her and to find a good therapist
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I'm glad to see you actually care about getting her help. I've seen so many threads like "My partner has depression should I end it?" so this was a nice change.
Thread posts: 13
Thread images: 1


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