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Help me decipher this situation: girl at work

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Thread replies: 18
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>1/2

>Had loads of relationships, slept with a lot of women, never get feelings for someone unless I've been involved with them, ever
>Start temporary job 50 miles away as part of my training
>Fall absolutely head over heels in love with one of the staff
>Cute, creative, nice person, awkward but outgoing
>Add her on facebook
>Has long-term boyfriend, they share a house
>Staying alone in a flat when I'm working there that's one road over from their house
>She starts messaging me every day after our shift is over
>Trying hard not to sperg out, so don't flirt
>Ask her to go for a drink while I'm up there, she says yes, but acts weird at work that day, then messages me saying she feels shit and cancels
>Get talking that night, say I'll cheer you up, let's hang out, I'm basically next door anyway
>She says yes and takes us to a park, it's dark, we talk for hours on a bench under a tree about all kinds of stuff
>She says "I'm going to come closer to get away from these leaves, it's not because I like you I don't like you"
>Out of nowhere, I haven't flirted with her at all, so I'm thinking why did she just say that out of nowhere
>Can't decide whether it's out of awkwardness on her part, if she said it so she didn't feel guilty about meeting up with a guy or whether she genuinely meant it
>Night ends, we carry on talking for a while, despite what she said it felt almost like a date, even at the end
>Conversations dry up and we work different shift patterns for a few weeks, I occasionally message her seeing how she's doing, she messages me once with some facebook page to make me laugh, quite awkwardly
>Consider it dead and try to move on
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>>18600111

2/2

>Last few weeks I'm working there
>Have shift with the girl
>She tells me she's not happy with boyfriend, that she's thinking of leaving him, has an intimate conversation with me about it at work
>Says she's never been passionate about her boyfriend like other boyfriends but nearing her 30s its the best she can realistically hope for
>The next day one of our coworkers, who she has also spoken to about this, keeps hinting that we'd make a good couple. I ask about other people on the ward, but she keeps bringing it back to this girl
>I confide that I have really strong feelings for her, she tells me that she thinks the girl also likes me, but doesn't want to show it
>She says she always notices that the girl only talks to me when it's just me and her and it's probably because she doesn't want everyone realising she likes me
>Some awkward conversation between me and the girl most of the shift, lots of hinting at liking her and some back from her too
>We talk a bit after the shift, then I say pic related

I have absolutely no idea how to figure out this situation. I get on well with her at work, despite how awkward we are with each other, my gut really tells me that there's something there, even though objectively it's a lot less clear. There are signs that say she's interested, but also strong signs she isn't. I'm not an idiot with women, I could easily go out with a few girls right now, but I feel like a lost teenager who has no idea how to read into things. She alternates between being talkative and being terse with me, should I read things like the screenshot I'm posting here as her just not being interested, or is there a chance her being like that, not talking to me as much, telling me what she told me in the park down to avoiding guilt because of her conflicting feelings about the relationship she's in?
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>>18600111
i don't even have to read this

she doesn't like you. you're not a chad

get over her
>>
>>18600141
what's a berk?
>>
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>>18600141
>that big of a paragraph
It's over

From the 2nd half, it does seem like her attraction is genuine. The other co-worker's insight is also a really good sign... but she is almost 30. What is she unhappy about with her man, and is it money? How old are you and what are you training for? If it's something that pays good money, huge fucking red flag, but I can't be sure yet.

>I'm not an idiot with women, I could easily go out with a few girls right now, but I feel like a lost teenager who has no idea how to read into things.
Because now you're faced with genuine attraction, a la the paragraph.
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>>18600271

An idiot, but in a lighthearted way.

>>18600352

The paragraph in the post or the conversation? The one in the screenshot is only that long because I probably won't see her again. I'm not stupid, I know thirstiness is offputting so unless she messages me I probably won't ever see her again in my life. I wanted to just say how I felt without being too much.
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>>18600379
I'm busting your balls. It's /adv/ but still gotta shitpost a little.

On second thought, if it was money, she'd be a lot more sexually upfront but it's also possible she's just shy/ashamed. I just want to know because I've heard of something similar.

I think you should do it the old-fashion way, just fucking tell her. She's 50 miles away and probably a few more home. You'll never see her again and you'll never know otherwise. But put it in a non-demanding way, like "I just had to get it off my chest". Maybe that'll get her to come forth. If she does though, don't pressure her to get out of a relationship. That just sounds wrong to me. Try asking that other co-worker if you could tell the crush what she told you, that way you don't throw her under the bus since they' still work together.
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>>18600352

>From the 2nd half, it does seem like her attraction is genuine. The other co-worker's insight is also a really good sign... but she is almost 30. What is she unhappy about with her man, and is it money? How old are you and what are you training for? If it's something that pays good money, huge fucking red flag, but I can't be sure yet.

I'm 26 she's 28, I'm training to be an RMN, she is an RMN. Her boyfriend is a barman, he doesn't want kids and she's unhappy with his general effort, she finds his lack of drive an issue. Obviously attractiveness is totally subjective so I can't speak for how attracted to him she is but I think I'm better looking. What she said about him was "I've never felt passionate about him like I have other boyfriends". The problem is that they live together and they both moved across the country so she could work where I've been working. One of the reasons she hasn't broken up with him is guilt over this. I've known her for a good 3 months now and she comes across as a very decent person. When she told me she didn't like me when we hung out I would have just instantly written it off if she wasn't.

Usually I'm a very confident person but because I'm a student the dynamic is really weird. I technically have no authority, I'm the lowest person power wise, below even nursing assistants, but I also have simulated authority when I'm put in charge, and in a year I'll be fully qualified and in charge of a whole ward like she is. Still, because it's a position of learning, because I'm often inexperienced, because I'm exhausted from doing 18 hour days (6 hours travelling time happens a lot), and because I have such strong feelings for her, I'm so much more awkward around her than I would otherwise be. She knows that though.
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>>18600388

I don't think it's just money, I think she doesn't see a future with him. I had a similar thing with an ex girlfriend years ago, there was a point where I just realised she wasn't the one for me. I'm mainly trying to figure out if I'm being stupid ignoring what she said at the park, and her not being very talkative outside of work anymore.

As far as telling her how I feel, that screenshot I posted is the last thing I said to her, yesterday, I tried to make it obvious that I feel that way about her without being over the top, so I don't know what else I can say to her. I guess my options are to keep initiating conversations with her and eventually try to get her to hang out with me, or to wait for her to talk to me which is what I'm leaning towards. Maybe I should just move on completely, I don't know, I'm just trying to make sense of the situation.
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>>18600397
>>18600440
Ah so not really money, but he's overall a weak contender. Sounds reasonable then. If she's aired out her concerns, I think the door is open to talk about it. The biggest issue appears to be that she dragged this guy across the country lmao. What job was he working before? If it was something similar she could help him buy a ticket back and make peace with it.

>I'm mainly trying to figure out if I'm being stupid ignoring what she said at the park, and her not being very talkative outside of work anymore.
I don't think it's anything significant, just expected distance from her dilemma.

I also see a problem in just saying it, especially almost as a manifesto, if it's difficult for her too. However, I think you need to be direct too, because this is the last place to be miscommunicating.
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girl felt nice and fuzzy with you but didnt wana cheat and her connection to her bf was stronger than your game

possibly boifriend found out your texting
pay no mind to this, shes an avarage woman with no brain
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>>18600533

Have you seen anything like that work before? Do you think I wasn't clear with what I've said already? I can't tell from what she's said how she feels about it, if she understands what I meant when I said I like her, then I don't want to labour the point.

>>18600546

>girl felt nice and fuzzy with you but didnt wana cheat and her connection to her bf was stronger than your game

That's why I tried to move on from it, I mean while they're together there's nothing I can actually do, I don't want her to cheat on anyone with me, I want to have a relationship with her and that would just fuck it up from the start. She's really struggling with the decision to leave because she knows how hard her boyfriend would take it. It's really obvious that she doesn't want to stay with him though, she's told me that, and she's told the co-worker I mentioned it too.

If I could just spend more time with her outside of work I could do more romantic stuff, but with the relationship, and not knowing how to read into her terseness when talking online with all that's going on I just don't know what to do.
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>>18600546
Yep, OP was new guy in town, turned her head a little and made her really think this was an option but decided not to cheat on her bf. She knows OP isn't offering anything other than a fling and then he's gone.
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Youre a grown-ass man, stop acting and thinking like a teenager. You're obsessed over a woman who has a boyfriend and told you she's not attracted to you. Stop using mental gymnastics to justify your obsession. It doesnt sound like shes interested, but if she were it would make her an undecisive, unstable drama whore and you'd be better off avoiding her. Again, she has a boyfriend.

Get over it.
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>>18600731

More of this please, it helps.
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>>18600674
I know, it's tough. That seems more like friendly advice and/or trying to cheer her up in my opinion but I don't know how else you could go about it.

I think you should try some more dating-oriented forums (that are not ran by women) as your next step, as you will need to find someone older who has went through something similar themselves. I really feel for you because it's like this should happen but there's one dumb thing blocking it. That being said, I wish you the best.
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I've been in this situation before, except even further to where she confessed her feelings to me.

The best thing to do is to just wait until she actually leaves her boyfriend. Otherwise it's just too much drama and makes both of you assholes. Continue being a good friend and continue showing her what a good caring man is through examole, but don't push her in breaking up. If she really likes you and is a good person she will make the choice on her own without you telling her.

But don't wait for her. Keep living your life in the meantime, including seeing other women.
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>>18601320

Thanks, that's what I'm doing. Did the girl in your case tell you after the breakup?

>>18601266

Cheers, I'll see what I can do. Women I've spoken to about it say contradictory things so far.

>That seems more like friendly advice and/or trying to cheer her up in my opinion but I don't know how else you could go about it.

You mean the stuff I said in the screenshot? That makes me feel better about it, I thought I'd gone full spaghetti.
Thread posts: 18
Thread images: 8


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