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What are your ways to stay calm and not let minor problems or

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What are your ways to stay calm and not let minor problems or insignificant thoughts be blown out of proportion?

Sometimes the slightest things in my life have my brain go on a journey of anxious thoughts and terrifying experiences that will probably never happen. I'm still scared though of just what if something happens.

For example, my first girlfriend and I have been together for about a month and she is at orientation for her college. She told me she sat on some guys lap while he talked and I realize that that really isn't that big of a deal but it makes me feel like I'm boring and not interesting enough of a person or anything of the sort. I've been sitting here for like 20 minutes just thinking about it and other things in my life and just I stay worried all the time.

That's only one example of me blowing something out of proportion. I know other people on this board have thoughts like this too and I'm wondering what are your ways of dealing with it. Usually I just try to go to sleep when something is bothering me because if I'm asleep I can't think about anything. That doesn't always work and I would like to know of ways I can just be more human and not be so terrified over the small stuff. I think dealing with this would also help me focus on more major projects in my life.
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>>18527505

Well, it can be because of low self esteem, too much free time, a deeper problem that you'd rather ignore instead of confront, real concern, or a combination of these.

For example, the guy. Maybe you are worried because you think low of yourself. Maybe you are worried because she might actually cheat. Maybe you are worried because you literally have nothing else to think about.
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Here's my strategy for them:

In meditation there is a concept of keeping the mind still.


When negative thoughts or mental content arise, discard them as soon as possible.

Maintain a neutral or positive state of mind and refrain from listening to negative stories and perceptions.

When negative thoughts arise, I like to block all the senses. I do this before I sleep, I simply watch my mind and all the things that arises, if it makes me feel bad, I note it and discard it. If it makes me feel nice and comfy, I keep it. I end up falling asleep but maintain this presence of mind when I wake up. It was like I just closed my eyes and I was still awake the entire night.
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>>18527505
I'll let you know how to solve it once I've been to therapy more, I have the same thing as you so I decided to go get it fixed. Looking at CBT and mindfulness exercises, been working on narrowing down my feelings of why I worry

For sleeping I'll lie as flat as I can on my back, and utterly still, trying to focus only on my breathing for as long as I can, deliberately zoning out. Helps me sleep in about 10 or so minutes.

>gf issue
That said if she knows you over-think things and are stressed, and it's a new relationship, she's doing that deliberately to stress you out, make you desperate and need her
Be careful around her, that's a pretty big red flag
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>>18527505
>She told me she sat on some guys lap while he talked
Holy shit this shouldn't enrage me so fucking much I hate women like that. You're freshly together and she goes like "teeehee I'm acting cute sometimes with this other guy you don't mind don't you?" And whatever you do is wrong. I mean I've got a girlfriend and don't want to be cute with every cunt I know, but she on the other hand does. Tell her you don't like it and she'll think you're a jealous asshole, do this with other women and tell her about it and she'll be hurt. The only way to go with these girls is to detach emotionally and be in the mindset of "let's see where this goes" instead of becoming committed
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whenever I feel the mental pressure piling up (due to combination of energy and free time which makes my head feel an urge to think about sth, it's really similar to stress eating actually) you need to keep yourself occupied and channel that energy into sth else. Simply relieve mental pressure with physical pressure - take a walk, tidy up your room a bit or sth like that.
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>>18527545
No I don't think she knows I think like that. As far as I know, she sees me as a very calm and collected person and that I'm fairly responsible but I'm still kind of reluctant to meet new people. She knows she and I are pretty socially inept people.

How often do you go to therapy and how much do you pay for it?
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>>18527579
Once a week (therapist offered once every two if I'd have preferred), and £40 an hour
It's pretty comfy to be honest, I really look forward to going. I think it's helped so far, but I've not been going too long.
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>>18527505
dude, u should worry, it's not little things, it's normal, or u will worry a lot like that fertile cumming guy. Pic very related
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>>18527505
my solution is
> work
> sex
> drugs
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>>18527505
Excellent question anon. First of all, it helps to realize people are asleep. Not metaphorically asleep, literally asleep. There are parts of themselves they've forgotten even exist, let alone know how to go about reclaiming. So that means both you and your girlfriend are little more than loosely organized bundles of nerves and reactions who change from moment-to-moment the entire length of both of your lives. Really, neither one of you can honestly be said to exist at all; not in any meaningfull sense.

Then, too, consider that at least 99% of what you believe you know about her is pure imagination on your part. For instance, she might tell you her life story and you'll make endless assumptions and guesses about her and about what it all means. And if you're like most people, you'll proceed to erect entire personal philosophies and belief systems and whatnot concerning your girlfriend on this foundation of bullshit which is entirely wrong and imaginary. And of course you won't be able to see any of it. However, you'll very clearly perceive that that's PRECISELY what she has done to you. So in other words, neither one of you know yourselves, or know one another. You're a stranger to yourself and you're a stranger to her, too. And vice versa. So maybe you shouldn't worry so much about minor problems that are of no consequence, when clearly you have far, FAR bigger facts to face.
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