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Is a first date a failure if i don't get a kiss out of it?

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Tomorrow i'll meet a girl i've known trough chat for the first time. I'll take her for a coffee/icecream and then for a walk in a park and chilling under a tree (she seemed pretty enthusiastic about the park date)
Now, i am indeed nervous, since this is my first date ever, but in all other life's fields i'm quite confident and chill, so i guess it wont be TOO bad. However, she seems quite nervous as well, and she isn't a "i'll take the initiative" gal, also a bit insecure about herself. She did have a couple relationships in her past, so at least she's not oblivious to dating like me, i guess. I feel anxious, but also confident in the date going well, except for one thing: flirting. I don't know flirting, nor body language, nor when it's appropriate for light contact or when to go for a kiss, and generally do's and don'ts of dating. Which brings me to my question:

TL;DR Should i go for a kiss? It's our first time meeting at all, so i don't know if it's the right thing to do. If it is, when? Any way i can create a moment without forcing the whole thing? Can the date be considered a success even if i don't score a kiss, but sill manage to make her have fun and wanting to see me again? I'm feeling anxious because of my complete inexperience in dating, and i'd hate to fuck up a good situation i've created just because i've never learned the dating lingo.

By the way, should i keep the date short in the bar and longer in the park? Or is the bar a better/safer place for a date in general? Any advice for a first timer in the world of dating is welcome as well, thank you again.
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>>18524178
> Is a first date a failure if i don't get a kiss out of it?
Usually, no. But since you have been chatting a while apparently, she might have certain expectations about you in her head and vice versa. Maybe she expects you to kiss her, maybe not. This could have all been avoided if you'd asked her out before becoming her chatbuddy. Chances are very real that the real you won't live up to internet-you, or vice versa. Just a word of caution, I could be wrong about this.

> Is a first date a failure if i don't get a kiss out of it?
Right at the end, look her in the eye before saying goodbye and you should be able to tell if she's keen to kiss or not. Make sure to have some physical contact throughout the date, without being too cheesy.

>By the way, should i keep the date short in the bar and longer in the park? Or is the bar a better/safer place for a date in general?

If it goes really well (obvious mutual attraction), go to the park asap. Otherwise the bar is safer, neutral ground.

>Any advice for a first timer in the world of dating is welcome as well, thank you again.

Your absolute focus should lie on having fun. If you have fun, it'll be easier for her to have fun. The more pressure you put upon yourself, the least likely you'll be to actually enjoy getting to know her.

Also, don't project some ridiculously cool/interesting image of yourself. It's usually very obvious. Try to listen more than you talk.
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Hey OP I was almost going to make a very similar thead asking some of these same questions right now. Best of luck with your date!
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>>18524196
>Usually, no. But since you have been chatting a while apparently, she might have certain expectations about you in her head and vice versa.
Well yeah, we did chat for a while, but i have been careful to not basically DATE trough chat, only using it for brief and funny conversations, without revealing everything about me or asking everything about her. I've been careful about this, but yeah, i don't know shit about how these things work, so i'll trust you.
>Right at the end, look her in the eye before saying goodbye and you should be able to tell if she's keen to kiss or not.
I know i can't know without having experienced this, but is it possible for me to fuck this up or is it human nature to know if the other person wants to kiss? How can i tell? This is legitimately a good tip though, so thanks man.
>Make sure to have some physical contact throughout the date, without being too cheesy.
Any tips for this? Considered the kind of date i set up, how could i eventually get to light physical contact?
>If it goes really well (obvious mutual attraction), go to the park asap. Otherwise the bar is safer, neutral ground.
Yeah, tought this too, i was also thinking of starting at the bar (for either ice cream or coffee) and depending on how comfortable i feel, to move to the park.
>our absolute focus should lie on having fun
Can do, i guess once i'm in the situation i'll be way calmer than i am right now, as i usually do in other life's fields.
>Also, don't project some ridiculously cool/interesting image of yourself. It's usually very obvious
Pretty sure i never did, the good thing about this is that i've been completely myself, and i like me this way. No over-esteem nor low self-esteem on this
>Try to listen more than you talk.
Pretty good at this.
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A first date is only a failure if it doesnt lead to a second date.
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>>18524217
Many thanks anon, if you have some questions about dating feel free to use this thread as well, i could always use some advice from other anons since i don't even know the basics.
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>>18524265
Well yeah, but i'm afraid of fucking up the flirting deal so much that she could get the idea of me not trying to flirt with her atll. Or is this unrelated to either i get a kiss/physical contact or not?

I guess i need a crash course on flirting and how to initiate physical contact.
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Bump, still need advice about how to initate physical contact and if i should attempt a kiss to "seal" date or just go with the flow.
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>>18524229
>but i have been careful to not basically DATE trough chat, only using it for brief and funny conversations,
Very good.

>but is it possible for me to fuck this up or is it human nature to know if the other person wants to kiss?
You'll know, but it's still possible to fuck it up. It happened to me once. She obviously wanted me to kiss her, but I freaked out and didn't. I could tell right away I'd hurt her.

>Any tips for this? Considered the kind of date i set up, how could i eventually get to light physical contact?
It really depends on stuff. Basically you have to touch her in a natural way, and timing is important for this. For example: you're walking in the park and you see a cute squirrel or something, that is an ideal cue to touch her as you point it out. Like direct her attention to the surroundings, but in a physical way. I can't really explain this better I'm afraid.

Honestly, judging from this, you should be fine.
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>>18524450
>>18524229
>Any tips for this? Considered the kind of date i set up, how could i eventually get to light physical contact?

Another obvious one that just occurred to me; if she teases you a little ( for example if you "accidentally" trip a little) you can give her a slight playful push, like "Hey, don't give me shit, I'm just this cute clumsy attractive fellow"

Catch my drift?
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>>18524450
Thanks for the support man, you have been very to the point and helpful, not to mention patient about babby's first date questions.
>It really depends on stuff. Basically you have to touch her in a natural way, and timing is important for this.
I see, if i have to create the situation like this i think i can handle, or at least try.

Also i feel way less nervous knowing a guy who knows his shit about this tells me i'll be fine.
>>18524460
I think i can take the chance if it happens, but i guess this doesn't depend really on me, i hope to catch the eventual tease.
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Sorry for hijacking this thread, but this involves me looking for work. Anyways here's my Q:Does anyone here have experience with restaurants in SF? I have exp. from working in restaurants in the Napa Valley and St. Helena. I'm 18, and am wondering if I could make more money working in SF. Would making 70+ in tips a day be realistic?
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>>18524527
>Also i feel way less nervous knowing a guy who knows his shit about this tells me i'll be fine.

Ha, there's a difference between theory and practice, my friend. Some people are naturally good at that kind of stuff, others aren't. I may not be totally clueless, but I'm no Don Juan either. Place your trust in yourself first and foremost, not in random guys on /adv/.

I think you'll be fine, simply because it seems to me you just want to be prepared, which is different from the busloads of guys who demand to know the "magic tricks" to make things work no matter what. You are authentic, you want things to work but only if you can still be you. That's good.

You just be yourself, and see what happens. If you're into her, let her know, subtly but unmistakably. If she's into you too, you'll know.

Good luck anon.
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>>18524178
> Is a first date a failure if i don't get a kiss out of it?

No. I know plenty of married couples who never kissed on the first date. It's more of a cherry on top thing and also lets you shit test a girl to see if she's going to waste your time.

>Any way i can create a moment without forcing the whole thing?

The easiest time to do it is at the end of the date when you're dropping her off or. 99% of girls try to go in for a hug at the end in order to show thanks. Turn it down verbally and physically then in the moment of silence, or in the middle of her explanation for the hug,make your move.

Add a sentence or two like "I may not hug but..." if you want so you're less nervous but make your move on that kiss.
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>>18524621
Thanks again man, that's exactly it, i don't mind if it doesn't end up as i expect.i hope it'll be worth the natural nervousness i have had for 3 days, whatever the outcome. Never done this before after all.
>>18524642
So you both agree on seeing at the end if she'd like it or not. I don't know if for my first date ever i'd already try something so audacious as refusing a hug and going straight for the kiss.
Do you think it's worth a try or better to play it safer for my first date period?
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>>18524178
not exactly, its a failure if the night was boring and she has no interest in meeting/dating you again
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>>18524616
Who the fuck steals a thread? What are you an asshole or something?

To answer your question tho, yeah if you get into a typical middle class sit in restaurant you'll probably make that much. There's more then enough opportunities in SF
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>>18524178
If both of you are nervous about it then you can try asking her if you should go for a kiss or not. Do it in an almost meta way tho.
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>>18524178
On the first date, with this girl I've been seeing for a while now, I just forgot to initiate anything. Instead of looking in her eyes and going in for the kiss, I just forgot, said bye, stept on a bus and left.
I felt like a retard for a full week. However I don't think this turned out to be a bad thing concidering how she told me she really appreciated that I took it slow.
I gues it really depends on what kind of girl you'll be seeing. Good luck kiddo.
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Since OP generously made this thread, I'll use it instead of starting a separate one:

I got my first date today, going to happen on Tuesday. She's cute and we're both extremely quiet/shy so we definitely match up personality wise. We've chatted quite a bit so we know a decent amount about ourselves personally.

The "problem" is that she's a STEM major and I'm an Art major, and I don't know how to bring up "so what are your hobbies" without it sounding contrived or something.

I mean maybe that just means we won't work out (I hope not!) but what do you guys think? Does it even matter?
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>>18524178
Yes
I fucked it up once by not kissing.

I missed someone special that way
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>>18525497
no offense but that sounds more like missing a cue rather than forcing a kiss
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>>18525499
>no offense but that sounds more like missing a cue rather than forcing a kiss
That was exactly what it was.
And I regret taking the side of caution.
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>>18525504
OK, I just wanted to clear up whether she didn't want it and you were thinking "Damn I still should've gone for it!" or not

I feel for you man, but I'm starting to realize there's always hope for another woman. I think there's hope for you too esp if you can actually get someone to go on a date w/you
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>>18525512
I know I can.
But my life isn't in the place for it now.

In a way, a very small way, I'm glad I didn't go for it then.
Her rejecting me was a big part of my future trajectory.
I started going to going to the gym.
And when I lost my job, my fitness allowed me to me to join the military

I learned a lot from that failure.
But when my life is ready for another person again, I'll be ready
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>>18525517
there you go, I totally agree
most of my failures led to the part of my life I've just entered, where I really took a self-critical look at myself and made some small but meaningful changes

you're a great person
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>>18524178
>I don't know flirting, nor body language, nor when it's appropriate for light contact or when to go for a kiss

Jesus, you want a lifetime of help on the most basic social cues in a help thread on a Cambodian ice fishing forum? You're fucked, m8.

Touch her as often as you can without making it too forced. It all has to be natural. Hand on her back to "guide" her through the door when you go someplace. Touch her arm when you talk to punctuate a comment. Touch her knee when you sit next to her. If she reacts like you just touched her with an ice cold needle, knock it off and try again later, but if you don't touch her at all you might as well just call her your sister and ask to help with her homework. You must show subtle sexual attraction then work up from there based on her reaction. If you keep it cold she'll get the idea you're not attracted enough to her, and it's next stop friend zone.


>By the way, should i keep the date short in the bar and longer in the park?

That depends entirely on her. A bar skank would rather be doing shots off your dick in a dive someplace and wouldn't be caught dead going for a stroll in the park. Other girls would rather die than go to a bar, and would love a picnic.

Same with the kiss. The end-of-the-date kiss is old fashioned. Some girls are into that. They'll also expect flowers. It's not entirely "expected" any more unless you've bagged a nice Mormon girl. Modern dating is fast. If you're not sucking each other's faces at some point it's not going very well.

In the end, don't try too hard. Not giving a fuck about her is the key. You're the awesome one she should want to be with. You're just willing to invite her along to be awesome with you.

>>18524196
>Your absolute focus should lie on having fun.
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>>18525524
>Modern dating is fast. If you're not sucking each other's faces at some point it's not going very well.
eh this sounds like hookup culture to me
Thread posts: 28
Thread images: 2


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