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Long story short, I need to get over my best friend.
I'm a dude, my best friend is a girl, she's asexual or something according to her, and doesn't date or bang anybody in my entire time knowing her. I had a crush on her for a while and we went out on one date like half a decade ago, but we stopped it there. It's dawned on me recently that I was subconsciously going along with things in the hopes that when we neared 30 her biological clock would go off and she would suddenly want to get serious. We spend a lot of time together, but we're nearing that age now and I think I've started to realize that I was looking for different things from this than she was. I've had girlfriends over the years, but I've been single for about 2. I have almost no friends anymore besides her, we've both been busy with shit in our lives, and we act like a couple in a lot of ways. It's frustrating, I wish she would change and be interested in those things, but I understand that she isn't and might never be. I have definitely been using her almost as a kind of "girlfriend simulator" I think, though, which basically is a form of emotional masturbation, and it's holding me back from getting my social life back on track and It's not 100% fair to her either. I need to wean myself off this person, but I don't know how to do it, or find the courage.
How do I break off from this kind of a codependency and expand my social life?
pic unrelated
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>>18519175
You said it's holding your social life back, but do you have some kind of social circle/friend group?
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>>18519186
No, not really. I have other people I talk to, but not much and that's all online. Outside of hanging out with her, I haven't hung out with a friend IRL in about a year more than once or twice.
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>>18519191
That makes things more difficult. Is there anyone IRL that maybe you used to hang out with or be friends with that you could hit up who would be willing to start hanging out again and maybe start inviting you to things and introducing you to their friend group?
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>>18519110
>she's asexual or something according to her, and doesn't date or bang anybody in my entire time knowing her
u sure pal?
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>>18519199
Probably, yeah. I guess I could try that. I have lots of acquaintances, I just am not close with any of them because I get most of my socialization from this codependency.
>>18519210
I'm very sure, hard to explain but if you met her you'd know right away too
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>>18519219
Is she autist or something?
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>>18519223
A little. I'm a little bit of an autist too, though. Which is probably why I'm in this situation to begin with.
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>>18519223
She's a tumblerite for sure. By not dating, she's not getting close enough to someone to have sex with and because she thinks she doesn't want sex, she's not dating anyone. She's put herself in a retarded loop.
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>>18519219
>Probably, yeah. I guess I could try that. I have lots of acquaintances
Okay. That's good.
First, let me say, you should give her one more shot by communicating what you feel. If you're willing to end your codependency, you have nothing to lose since it's like a last try. Just tell her what you feel, and see how she responds. Maybe even ask her if she'd be willing to be with you even though she's asexual, maybe for the emotional side or even to start a family one day.
If that last effort is to no avail. Express that you're glad you tried, but that being around her without it going anywhere is painful to you. Then ghost her. Cut off all contact. Delete and block her from your phone. Remove and block her from social media. Do NOT allow her to undo this. If you followed step one, you now KNOW that you two will never be in a relationship, so don't allow her to get you back in her life.
Reach out to your old acquaintances, and start hanging out. Then start going out. Not anything crazy. Just coffee with a friend. Take a class. Take up a hobby. Keep yourself occupied. If your mind starts lingering to her, get to doing something. Eventually, with effort, you'll get over her and be healthier for it. I hope that helps.
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>>18519233
You're preaching to the choir, man. I just can't wait for her to figure that out anymore. I've got 3 years until I'm 30 and I want to get my shit together before I hit that wall.
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>>18519243
Thank you, dude. That is good advice, I needed to hear it. I'm gonna start working the courage up to do this over the next few days. I know sometimes we've joked about getting married for the tax benefits and whatever but I don't think that's the same thing. That's part of what let me hang onto this for so long, I think.
It'll be good to know for sure.
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>>18519110
>I was looking for different things from this than she was
So what exactly does she want? Because I feel like how she feels towards you would be the deciding factor on how to go about this.
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>>18519253
Glad to help. Communication is often the solution to so many problems. Either you get what you want or you rip off the bandaid, remove all doubt, and let yourself move on. Good luck.
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>>18519243
This is some damn fine advice.
OP, after you've done this, come back and tell us how it went. I'm always curious to see how things turned out on here.
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>>18519233
shocking as it may be, some people really are asexual. There are scientific studies on this,
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>>18519275
I'm well aware it exists but they still date people who are accepting of it or other asexuals. Not feeling sexual urges doesn't mean they feel nothing towards people emotionally.
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