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Job offer abroad BF refuses LDR

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Thread replies: 32
Thread images: 3

I've got to accept a job offer in Switzerland, the only problem is that I didn't tell my boyfriend of 2.5 years. He is adamant that I shouldn't go and I should have told him about it before applying and a long time ago if I wanted to move to another country. He is upset. He wants to settle down and have kids. We got engaged shortly after we met but neither of us planned for marriage. He says he doesn't believe in marriage and isn't interested in it, he's interested in spending the rest of his life with me however. I'm scared if I don't accept this offer I will grow to resent him for the rest of our relationship.
He's said I either move for this job and that's the end of our relationship (forever, he added) or I stay and live with him and make things work.
He said he's definitely not waiting for me.
The job is for 10-11 months.
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>>18517150
Ten to eleven months is not that long, sort of crazy that he wants to be with you forever but can't deal with a ten month separation. Plenty of people make it work. That said, you should have told hold you had intentions to live abroad. I think you have to decide what is most important to you. Could you get another job that you enjoyed just as much? Do you want children? How old are you? How old is he? Who is the bread winner and how long have you two been together?
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>We got engaged shortly after we met but neither of us planned for marriage.

This guy sounds like he blows. Any relationship that includes an ultimatum ("either the job goes or I go!") isn't healthy. Dump his bitch ass.
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>>18517163
I'm in my mid 20s and he's 32 years old so there's a bit of an age gap between us.
Yes, I do want children. It looks like I will be the breadwinner as I'll have higher income due to degrees under my belt. This job is an opportunity for the field I want to be in, working with special clinical group.

I could try and get another job if I tried but they all require experience. I get more for personal expenses (after rent and bills).
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>>18517171
He thinks I've applied to this job in order to break up with him and that's truly not the case.
I want to be with him but I also just want to do this job.
>>
Already from what you told us, this guy reeks of commitment issues.

Doesn't want to get married, but decides within a few months that he wants to spend his life with you, but also isn't willing to wait not even a year?

If he's not putting bread on the table, he doesn't get much say in where you work, does he?

I 100% guarantee that if you choose the job, he'll fall in line with an LDR. Nobody at his age is gonna risk losing a 20-something who is willing to support him.

I'm also inclined to defy anyone who gives me an ultimatum. Nobody puts baby in a corner.
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>>18517194
this
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>>18517150
Understandable that he wouldn't want you to go but if he wants to be with you forever (which is an unrealistic thought) then 10-11months in nothing in the greater scheme of things
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>>18517180"
either the job goes or I go! is not healthy relationship.And its only for 10 months!If he doesnt support you,you should brake up with him.
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>>18517194
Thank you! I'm going to trust myself and make a choice, this helps a lot.

Yes! Nobody puts baby in the corner.
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>>18517210
Think I'll have to slam on those brakes, thanks.
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>>18517218
Sooo,what will you do?
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>>18517206
I meant as in our relationship would be over and there's never going to be a chance int he future as he is not going to wait for me. He just doesn't believe in LDR
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>>18517227
Then he's not going to stay committed to you anyway. You can do better. Take the job you want, be successful, and don't let someone else be an anchor on your life. A real partner would celebrate and support you.
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>>18517224
I have to give my choice for this job ASAP and leave ASAP! I'm going think some more and talk to him a bit more tomorrow in the hopes that he'll understand I don't hate him or want to get away from him. It's just for me. (leaning more towards moving away)
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>>18517231
I approve
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>>18517234
Fuck yeah, go be you. If he won't accept that, fuck him.

Bring pepper spray, in case he takes it REALLY bad.
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>>18517231
This
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>>18517218
I'm glad you took my advice to heart, that doesn't happen often.

You gotta look out for #1. That's an unpopular thing to say in a relationship, but the ones who disagree are usually the ones who can't look for themselves.
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>>18517234
You are chick in your twenties with higher income.
Whatever you choose I'm 100% sure he will Get along with it.
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>>18517234
Today OP was really cool.
Oh OP have the talk in a public place.
I don't like the way your guy sounds he may seem like he wouldn't hurt you or that he cares about you but that's because you care about him and don't register all the signs. To us he might hurt you or do something creepy so be in a public place. Go out to dinner somewhere and talk it over there.

I hope you do well in your Job in Switzerland. And remember to put yourself first when it comes to major decisions like this. Relationships can come and go in a heartbeat but this is a major life decision.
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>>18517231
Thank you! That's what I thought.

I didn't tell him initially bc I was afraid he'd have persuaded me not to apply abroad
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>>18517261

Oh I don't think he would hurt me but a public place to talk over this is a good idea. It's great as he wouldn't raise his voice at me when frustrated.

I'm just scared bc family is also important to me but I want to live my life before settling down to have a family.

Thanks honestly, I have trouble trusting myself and my capabilities so this is very helpful!
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>>18517242

YES! He hinted at it over the phone but yes, phone is different to face to face.
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>>18517252
It's always unpopular to do something that's in our best interest. I'm going to refuse to give in to the pressure of this relationship.
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>>18517284
You're a young 20 something who has a job in her field, you are not gonna be wanting for a husband.
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>>18517150
imagine you're a guy and your gf comes with "i'm moving away"
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>>18517180
Well it really does look that way because you didn't tell him. That was the real fuckup. He would probably be cool with it if he had more time to mentally prepare
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>>18517508
I know that, cannot be resolved now, fuck it.
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>>18517150
Take the job. But understand that not telling him about it until right before leaving was a dick move.
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>>18517538
Is it possible to apologise enough? Feel terrible but I still want to do the job.
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>>18517150
This one is easy OP. Take the job. You are not married and doesn't appear that is even near. You could decline the offer and split up two months later for whatever reason. He gave you an ultimatum so make him prove it. If he is so what you'll be plenty busy the next 10-11 months and who knows another job offer or an extension possible.
Thread posts: 32
Thread images: 3


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