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Hoarding

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So my mom's a hoarder.

We've lived in a really cluttered house for the past decade or so. as a family we haven't started cleaning it until now. Progress however is really slow.

We started in the garage We completely cleared everything out onto the lawn. My dad and I took some old electronics to eWaste and some old paint cains to hazardous materials waste.

If anyone else were in charge, the rest of the items would've just gone straight to a dump. But my mom has huge holdups with just dumping everything everything into a landfill. She would much rather sort through everything and try to donate every last thing to Good Will or something, or give to relatives, or sell on kijiji. This is the same mentality that got us into our fucked up house situation in the first place, so basically everything else went right back into the garage.

My family wants to just throw everything out, but my mom is far too controlling. I want us to just override her but I'm afraid of how she might react if we do. Mental collapse? suicide?

Has any other anons dealt with hoarding in their life? If so, how did your hoarder get to the other side?

Pic related- its my basement
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bonus context:

- this mental illness came from my mom's side of the family. mom's mom was far worse, and my mom's still alright, but certainly her mother's daughter. The only reason I think I've avoided this is cause of my dad's genetics + my 4chan lurking

- growing up she always told us, "well you feel that way because you choose to feel that way". When i told her that if we threw everything out, once she sees how clean the house is she won't care anymore that the garbage is rightfully in a landfill. She said "yes I would", even though I think she's just "choosing" to feel that way, the same way she's been using that phrase to talk to me and my siblings all our lives.

- she's been seeing a therapist before in the past. I don't know if she still is now, and apparently at one point in her life she was suicidal. My mom is still a great person and I'm lucky that my parents are still together throughout all of this, but it's certainly just a case where certain situations bring out certain flaws in certain people, and this is something that's been tasking on us.

- She knows we would all much rather throw everything else out, but she really doesn't care. At our most family meeting she was crying so much about how she wants to do this her way and be "ecological" etc
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>>18515743
>Has any other anons dealt with hoarding in their life?

Yep, and still do.

When I was kid, my mom and I lived in a decently sized house. We eventually had to move out (I was about 15 at the time), and during the following transition period everything went into storage. When we finally got into another place, it was a dinky little apartment, so naturally we couldn't bring everything there. Due to various circumstances, we never had the time to address the remaining stuff that was left in storage, so that kept getting left on the backburner. Of course, as time went on, new stuff would come and go (moreso coming than going though), and the old stuff would just remain in storage.

After about 16 years and several moves, it's built up to about 3-4 storage units worth of stuff. One of which contains the "current set" of stuff (currently between places again), and the others containing either the stuff we started with, or other stuff that was put into storage during another move and never taken back out. She finally seems to be more receptive about actually getting rid of things, but she too still seems pretty insistent on donating (or in some cases selling) it herself, instead of just letting it go. The problem with that, though, is we're both limited on the means/resources to actually do anything to that end. Transportation is extremely limited for both of us, and between my job and having been the main person to help her with moving all that stuff so many times over the years, I just don't have the time and energy for it anymore.

Something needs to be done, though, because this shit can't go on anymore. We can't afford this, and it's already caused too many problems.
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A friend of mine just went through this. What he did was to go through the house and promise not to throw anything out but to organize it and put it in storage.

As he was "organizing" it he made two groups of stuff. One was actually going to be "saved", which was code for moving it to storage (off-site, but you can use the garage) and then dispose of it over time. The rest of the stuff was being disposed in groups small enough to not be noticed.

If you don't have the time or energy, have someone come in and do it for you. You may have to put everything in the garage for later disposal if you can't do the initial sorting.

Once my friend had finished his parents were amazed at how better the house was. They never missed anything and never went into storage to get anything out.
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>>18516814
something like that, but maybe more drastic and proactive, just get the shit out and present her with a clean house, and then keep an eye on incoming crap that can be silently disposed of with the garbage as necessary.
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I don't know much about hoarding, but what's stopping you from dumping everything while she's out of the house?
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Move all her shit to storage units. Once she realizes she has to pay to keep all that shit maybe she'll re-evaluate how important it is.
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>>18516797
>but she too still seems pretty insistent on donating (or in some cases selling) it herself, instead of just letting it go. The problem with that, though, is we're both limited on the means/resources to actually do anything to that end

yeah fucking same, if our goal is to get everything clean for the end of July, there's no way we'll have the time to sell everything. There are certain big items that are definitely worth selling, like my dad's big red toolbox, but for the most part it's certainly trash

>>18517229
>I don't know much about hoarding, but what's stopping you from dumping everything while she's out of the house?

She's always in the house. She's not in any job now to "Focus on the house" but for the past week she's just been doing income taxes while my siblings and I work, and theres been no discussion about when we're going to work on the house next.

I think some sort of intervention needs to happen, I'd personally love to send my mom on a week-long vacation while the rest of us do everything that actually needs to be done. Or just hire some junk moves and let her have her meltdown
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>>18515743
My grandma is the same way.

The only person who can throw things away is her sister when she comes from Europe. They have huge arguments over it, but eventually, my grandma's sister convinces my grandma to throw things away.

The frustrating thing is, a lot of my grandma's "junk" does have value. They are wealthy, and my grandma loves to shop. There are several boxes of fine china and silver utensils in the garage, boxes of gold and other jewelry, my grandma's clothing is all department store, but it fills three full size closets of their 6 bedroom house.

A lot of things are also inherited from her mother who commit suicide almost 50 years ago. There are two vintage cars in the garage, a 60's mustang and a 60's oldsmobile that my grandpa is hesitant to part with despite it being garaged since the early 70s.

All I can think about is how I'm going to have to clean up all this shit after they pass away.

We have convinced her to do a box of things per week. But even that is challenging. We laid out a tray of candle holders (probably like 30 candle holders), we told my grandma to pick one to keep, because they weren't even the ones already decorating the house, and my grandma wanted all of them. So now, there is a tray of never-used candle holders in the backyard "for decoration."
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