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I need some suicide advice. I have an incurable case of depersonalization/ego-death brought on by PTSD from a trauma. My mind is splintered to where I feel separate from the emotional center of my brain, and before my illness I lived to feel things as an artist and musician. It is a sort of hyper self-awareness, one of the primary symptoms is that when I look at people now, I see bags of meat, there is no mystery to the physical world anymore, but there used to be. I am outside my self, and I doubt I can ever return. I have fought this for a loooong time, but every man has his point. In the far future there may be a cure for this, but in this life I am totally alone in this struggle. I have never encountered anyone else with this disease, and about a month ago I finally decided to kill myself, which gave me true calmness. What's tragic about my case is that I loved life, and I don't want to leave this world. Really I still do, but I can't feel it. So I'm hoping there's reincarnation or something. I always wanted to be a lithe, cute Japanese lesbian. But in a world where something like anencephaly can occur, I'm not holding my breath.
Basically my question is what is a good suicide method for me? I'm a big guy, about 6'5, and 300 lbs., I have about 400$ to my name and a car. I live in eastern Alabama, and I'm willing to drive pretty far to a good spot. I live with my family and I don't want my mom to find me. I'm pretty drawn to hanging, but I need to know 1. Is my weight an issue? 2. What's a good rope/cord/etc. to buy? 3. Where is a place where it would take a while for someone to find me? I'll put a sign up to warn them, but I'd rather my body never be found.
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>>18515040
Have you tried meditation?
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>>18515043
I have not. I've also never done hard drugs. Just pot/alcohol/ativan/prozac
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>>18515043
this works but don't use helium. use nitrogen or argon.
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>>18515043
Does meditation actually work for mental illness?
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>>18515040
what caused your PTSD?
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>>18515040
hanging is a terrible way to go. noble gas asphyxiation is the way to do it, if you're going to do it.
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>>18515060
It helps you control your thoughts and calms the mind.
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>>18515062
Absolutely nothing. I was lying in bed, and suddenly started feeling very "aware". Like of my tongue in my mouth, thinking I would somehow swallow it, and then of my heartbeat, and then a fear, and I'm talking the black dog, the worst fear I could feel, came upon me. I emptied my bowels from it. I wouldn't wish that feeling on any living being that's ever lived. It permanently changed me and that's been years ago. I am stuck in this state.
I believe it was a panic attack, but maybe my mind couldn't handle/process it? I have always lived in my head, and had a very traumatic childhood. Saw a friend burn to death and was with them in their final moments, and witnessed a shooting. I must have been a dictator or a serial killer in a past life lol.
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>>18515043
I've heard certain brands of helium, like Balloon Time, don't have enough helium to ensure death. How do I know what kind to buy?
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>>18515056
go with what this anon said
I looked it up seems there catching on to this trend.
You can always rent, no need to return it because you'll be dead.
>>18515087
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>>18515082
That's a panic attack.
Try reading some Jaak Panksepp. Also try some lsd
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>>18515152
But why did it affect me to that point? Plenty of people have panic attacks all the time and get over them fairly quickly. Why did one panic attack fuck my brain up that much?
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>>18515082
You've awoken from reality my friend.
Turn off all your lights.
Close your eyes.
Quiet your mind.
Wait.
Colors will begin to manifest, and from it your brain will draw images.
These projections are the answers you seek.
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