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Too honest and direct

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So recently I've been told that the way I talk and deal with people is way too "honest" and "direct", which leads to getting some people upset.
Personally I'm not the kind of guy that beats around the bush or else imply something, if I got something to say I either say it or shut up, tricky shit just don't come naturally to me in the way I speak. I also don't lie, I'm bad at it and learned that dishonesty just makes most situations worse. I try to avoid rudeness in the way I'm addressing others but they just get upset anyway.

Should I change the way I speak, trying to just imply things rather than state them, avoiding subjects, and using white lies more often for the sake of others? Or is sticking to my morals the better option? Usually I wouldn't care much for these kinds of comments but I seemed to have unknowingly hurt the feelings of someone very close to me, and wouldn't want it happening again
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>>18443055
If it is seriously hurting people then i say try and adjust the way you speak to be a bit more gentle i suppose.
However i do believe that staying the way you are is the better option, a frank, direct and honest person is the one people like to depend upon, it helps you are a bad liar.
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>>18443055

Telling the truth generally ruffles feathers and hurts the feelings of those who do stuff they aren't supposed to. No one likes goodie two-shoed people because they "ruin the fun" of doing stupid shit you're not s'posed to be doin' in the first place.

Whose feelings did you hurt?
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>>18443055
Fuck them. Honesty is best
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I have been told by my peers that I act in a similar way. The people that got offended by it more often than not turned out to be not-so-great friends that I was better off without. On the other hand, those that took it in stride turned out to be some of the best bros I had that saved me from shitty situations in the past. Stick to your guns OP.
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>>18443074
>>18443083
>>18443085

Verdict says change for no-one op.
What do you think?
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>>18443055
There is such a thing as brutal honesty and sometimes the best thing you can say is nothing. It's good that your honest but that can sometimes land you in deeper shit than lying can. Not saying lying is a good alternative because it's not. I try to just say as little as possible when the situation is particularly sensitive. Not telling someone something isn't the same as lying and sometimes they really don't need to hear it. I also try to weasel out of being a brutally honest asshole by using technical honesty, ex. some girl asks me if a dress makes her look fat i'll tell her that i'm really not the one to ask because I'm not fashionable, stuff like that. Case in point it pays to be genuine but don't be a genuine prick.
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>>18443055
Give us an example OP.

Honesty is good, and a lot of people appreciate it. If they're getting mad it could be because they feel like talking down to them. It's all in the presentation.
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>>18443055
You can be honest but still have tact while being honest. No sense in being a sperg who is cruel with words if you can be kind and honest at the same time. Effective communication is all about how you deliver your words.

Also note that a lot of people don't take kindly to opinions or advice unless they ask you directly for it. Being opinionated seems controlling. Being around someone overly critical and opinionated can feel draining.
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>>18443055
Be the way you are. If shit needs to be said then say it.

How you say it and how much truth you spill also depends on how well you get along with the person. If its a stranger you have talked to three times in your life then you can hit them with the hard truth, but after some time. You'll change nothing and they'll see you as an asshole if you tell them too soon.

If its a person you get along with super well, then you can let that person get mad with you all they want, what you said its the best for them, either they wanna take it or not.

You should probably try to watch your tone and the way you say shit.
I've known people that are rude as fuck and raise their voices when they're in an argument or something but they don't notice until someone lets them know.
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>>18443192
Also as >>18443162 said, have a tact with being honest. Keep in mind not everyone can handle very direct responses the same way. Some need validation in some aspects when you tell them something, some need a little bit of generosity with the words, for others tone of voice really influences.
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>>18443055
Tell them they deal with direct honesty is childish and counterproductive.

Unless we're talking about you being at a job or something, dont change.

How you say what you want to say is your buisness. If they want to be pampered or blatently lied too they should find less intelligent company.
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>>18443055
I also have this problem. I am bluntly honest. Under the right circumstances, I can hurt people.

When I am in a situation where I do not wish to offend someone, I aim for minimalism. Either say nothing at all, or focus on one small good true thing that will probably make the other person feel good, or at least not terrible, rather than brutally tearing into them. It isn't beating around the bush, it's just not saying everything I'm thinking, which are two very different things.

With the right people, in the right circumstances, you can ask someone whether they want you to tell the truth about something. If they respond positively -- they want the truth no matter how painful -- then go ahead, but try to keep tact in mind and don't rant.

Don't provide opinions or advice unless they're asked for. That's just rude, no matter what your intentions are.
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>>18443077
>>18443085
My sister, who I was on very, very good terms with for a long time. She's not a bad person but she suddenly started acting completely out of norm towards me and I just want this hostility to end.
I'm feeling really conflicted here; I don't want to put aside the ideals I've lived my life to but this is my sister I'm talking about, not some 2-bit whore I can just toss aside
>>18443074
>the one people like to depend upon
That does tend to happen within my group of friends/social circles now that you mention it
>>18443112
Like I said I try to avoid rudeness, I'm not brutal with my honesty and if I'm commenting on something that might be sensitive I try to pick my words carefully but still get my point across
>>18443149
>eating dinner
>homemade biscuits being served
>they're obviously not at the consistency the cook wanted, was on of their first attempts
>I've made similar ones before
>"These cookies look and taste great"
>"Though you might want to use less oil when mixing the dough"
These are my typical mannerisms, I try to communicate my point clearly to help the other person without attacking them
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>>18443253
Ok the example you gave tells me what the problem is. There is nothing wrong with being honest, but sometimes, you don't have to give your opinion if they haven't asked you for it.

Saying there is something wrong with something out of the blue, without anyone asking you, seems rude. No matter how gentle you put it.

Its ok, to be honest, just don't spill your honesty everytime you have the opportunity to do so, just when its absolutely necessary, or when they ask you for your opinion.

I think you've got the point, but if you want examples I would gladly give some to you.
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>>18443055
Keep doing it, anon. Normies are just too entitled and hate being challenged.
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>>18443253
Seems you've got problem with voicing unwanted opinion. No matter what choice of words and tone, it'll always be something uncalled for to do.
Chill and shut up if nobody's asking. They've got problem with you saying something when it's uncalled for, not about your honesty/lie.

About being honest in general, it's not something I'm against. Brutal or not, it's always a good to hear honest words, of course it's more better to hear them without rude swearing/tone, but it's always appreciated.
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>>18443055

a lot of people who say they are 'honest' arent being honest, they are just being assholes. imagine if someone came up to you and said 'damn you're both too short and too ugly'.

you didn't ask them. you didn't have a conversation regarding it. you didn't imply that you needed advice. this person just came out and said it for no reason and then covers his ass by saying 'OH IM JUST BEING HONEST ANON GAWD'

now you may not be that extreme, but you probably aren't the opposite by any means. consider what you are saying, does it need to be said? does someone ask for this information? did someone NEED this information? or are you just saying it to put someone 'in their place' or another reason?

in another post you claim its as simple as 'you might want to use more oil' but that doesn't generally bring on hostility from all the other humans, and the fact that you refer to non-blood-related-sisters as '2 bit whores' tells us you're clearly holding back.
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>>18443616

This is essentially what I was going to say. You can give the blunt, honest truth when needed, but the way you seem to be going about it seems like you're sticking your nose where you don't belong. Even if you don't seem to think that's rude, it definitely is.

You need to approach situations with tact, or you're going to come off as thinking you're superior. I often find that people who act like you are trying to point out others' faults to ignore their own. That might not be your case, but if it's so important that you point out when someone's wrong, you should question exactly why you're doing that.

Additionally, it's it's important for you to think about the consequences of acting like this. Your strict adherence to honesty is probably going to alienate people from you. If that's okay with you, then fine, but don't ask someone to adjust to or tolerate someone they don't like - because then they're not being honest with you.

Lastly, remember that you only have your own perception, and there's rarely an objective truth. People and situations are very complex, and you don't have all of the data at hand to make a judgement on someone.
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Only tell the blunt truth when you think you should, in serious situations.
Other than that - White lies or half truths.
I've been there anon. No one likes the truth, especially in a direct way. We are seen as assholes but in reality, that's just the one thing that pops to our head, and we follow a code of "No lies" and such.

Tl;Dr
White lies
Half truths
Tell the truth only when truly needed
Don't say nothing at all sometimes
Learn to say it as "Well, in my opinion..." so it'll seem less "objective" or "hard truth" kind of thing. Also, always regress. "Well in my opinion XXX BUT the good thing is that XXX"
Thread posts: 20
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