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I hate myself. No, I fucking HATE myself, and I hate everything

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I hate myself. No, I fucking HATE myself, and I hate everything about me.
I also envy people. I don't like to envy someone, it's not a pleasant feeling, so I am trying to isolate myself from everyone else, but still, when I see someone who has a normal life - I am fucking envy them, and hate them, and hate myself, of course.
Of course I want to kill myself, but somehow, I am still alive. Even my psychiatrist asked me "If you want to die that badly, why don't you commit suicide already?". He is fucking right, but I don't want to make my parents sad. I know, it may sound childish, but I live only for them, and I can't just betray them, and forget about everything they done for me.
What the fuck should I do? I am fucking tired of my miserable life.
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>i hate myself so i wont change i can but instead kill myself, but actually i wont because yaddayadda

grow up
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What a shit psychiatrist
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>>18440559
But he is right, desu.
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>>18441142
You don't pay a professional to say shit like that. I don't think it's right either, although it's a solid point, he's supposed to help put things into perspective.
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>>18441156
At least he gave me thoughts to work with.
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>>18441173
Well you are taking it well. Maybe he felt cornered and didn't know how better to make his point. But it basically does boil down to whether or not you want to make something more of your life. Why do you hate yourself?
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>>18441177
Lazy as fuck. Always trying to improve myself, but abandon this, as it doesn't work at all. The only thing I am keep doing is working with my weight everyday, but that doesn't help, and I don't know why I am doing this. I guess I'll abandon it too.
Never had a gf, 27 y.o. Searching for a job, but no one wants such old faggot as me.
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>>18441200
I have those same problems, don't focus on the gf issue so much, I know it's easier said than done but its just pointless when you have so much other shit on your plate right now. It's not over till it's over, sadly I don't have anything more inspiring to say, and I don't think your therapist will either. Don't give up, because, well, you aren't going to actually kill yourself, and what you're doing isn't an option, it's not working for you, it's not helping you feel better about yourself.
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>>18441232
>you aren't going to actually kill yourself
Stop ruining my only hope, come on.
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>>18441266
You haven't even planned it out. I'm getting my entire shit together just so I can get a job so I can buy a gun and do it when everyone thinks I am doing better for myself.
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>>18441276
I've planned it, and bought 10 packs of amytriptilin. I wanted to take them at once with alcohol, but instead tried to heal myself with them.
But I think the best choice for me would be to hang myself. I tried to suffocate myself with rope, and it felt not that bad, pain goes away when everything becomes black in your eyes.
Unfortunately I can't buy a gun, because they don't sell it to people with mental problems.
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>>18441294
>Unfortunately I can't buy a gun, because they don't sell it to people with mental problems.

Well they still somehow get them. You can buy from a private seller or something, idk what to tell you though. I wouldn't want to do anything that wasn't guaranteed to work, and in the meantime try to just get through each day.
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>>18441304
Yeah. Just a little more suffering, and I'll do it right.
Good luck with you gun-plan, pal.
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Boi if you dont grow the fuck up and stop whining, there are people in much worse shape than you, much harder lives and have fought through it and made a good life for themselves.
Get the fuck off 4chan and do something for once.
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>>18441359
Nah, I rarely visit 4chan, mostly for some news. And I am searching for a job, yeah.
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>>18440555
>psychiatrist

Soo i dont know about where you live, but thats not a protected title here. As in anyone can call themselves one. Id chec the qualifications on your psychiatrist because that is an absolutely outrageous thing to say and no PhD medical science trained psychologist would say that. This is exactly why psychology gets a bad name. The market is saturated with hacks.

And if your psychiatrist is trainer, then they suck.

>advice

Firstly, have you asked a physician, as in a family doctor about your issues? I biochemistry test is in order. Its not a guarantee but your blood could show too much or too little of certain chemicals that could be causing your problems. If not, have the doctor refer you to a psychologist. If he did in the first place, get referred to a new one. Issues like this require exercises and action on your part that a psychologist can help you with. Just talking about it doesn't work.

Above all do not forego or reject medication. If its not working, you need a different one.

>hate yourself

Why exactly? Its no secret or hard thing. We're all inherently kind of shitty and we're all inherently kind of good. If you do nothing to be proud of then do things to be proud of. Do volunteer work, work with charities, get really good at something.

Also understand how neurons work. If youre negative and self hating all the time, your brain has laid neural structures that fire extremely well together and its become a habit. Its automatic like breathing.

This happens by repitition. If you make an effort to think positively about yourself and, say, go out of your way to do good deeds and help people, no matter how minor, then keep a journal every day to reflect on what good you've done, that will encourage the development of new neuron structures.

Listen because I know you want to be better. I know because you are posting here about it, and i know because youve made the effort to see a psychiatrist in the first place.
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>>18441413
>no PhD medical science trained psychologist would say that.
Yeah, because he is not psychologist, he is psychiatrist. I am not in US, so, we have a little different medical system.
Psychiatrist don't need to ask anything, it is not his job. His job is to collect data from blood test, radiograms, and psychological conclusion, made by psychologist and to prescribe medicine.
I actually had spoken with her (psychologist) too, and she said the exactly same phrase. I actually don't like her, she was a young woman and was mocking me, laughing at everything I say.
>biochemistry test is in order.
Yeah, it is fine. I am okay.
>do not forego or reject medication.
They said I'll be fine. Psychiatrist said I am clever and pretty, and I just need to work on myself. I don't believe him, though.
>Why exactly?
Laziness. Can't make myself doing something. Especially professional stuff, because I have no interest in all this shit.
>make an effort to think positively about yourself
I do trying to improve myself, yes. I honestly do. But I don't want to think positively. It's like hypocrisy. I feel disgust if someone compliment me, because I know, I am trash.
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>>18441461
>i know i am trash

Thats what you have to break. Thats the habit. Them neural structures. You're hard wired to recoil immediately when complimented.

Im not a doctor of course so i can't entirely help you but if you cant tell ive been slightly educated in this.

Thats where you have to work. Breaking that specific habit. Consciously and actively working yourself through accepting compliments. It will not happen on its own.

>laziness

Can you get adderall? Thatll nip your productivity right in its asshole.
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>>18441597
>adderall
I am not sure, but I can check pharmacies tomorrow, when I'll go for a walk.
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>>18440555
Get a better psychiatrist, and get a prescription for some antidepressants. It worked for me.
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>>18441597
Not OP but how would I go about asking my doctor for addies without him thinking I am a fiend? What is it prescribed for?
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>>18440555
Make a list of everything you hate about yourself, read it every morning, and do something about it.
Listen to Jordan Peterson. Sort out your life: clean your room, get a job, stay in school.
Thread posts: 23
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