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Suicidal girlfriend

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Thread replies: 11
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Hello /adv/, I've been with my gf for two years and we live in different cities (getting to her takes about 2-4 hours, depending on traffic) and we mostly see each other in the weekend. The problem is that we get in arguments a lot and I started feeling she's very very toxic about a year ago. We argue for the dumbest things and mainly for her jealousy (which made me give up on hanging out with my own friends for a year - on my own accord, to avoid conflict). We don't live together obviously but we're getting close to it and in these years of relationship I spent -a lot- of money for her and sometimes I kind of regret it.
My question is what should I do?
I love her and at the same time I want to be done with her manipulative and abusive behaviour (= her extreme jealousy makes us argue a lot and I tend to stray away from friends etc, so she can calm down). She used to be extremely suicidal a lot before our relationship and at the very beginning she got better. She has no friends, has trouble with her family (mother doesn't care much about her, father is an asshole and absent, grandparents are dead). Should I end up living with someone I might eventually be very tired of (or maybe not, who knows) or should I leave her and fear that she might actually fucking kill herself because she has no one to help her out? Help me please.
>>
sounds like she may have BPD. she probably needs professional help.

really it's your choice to stay there with her, and it's her choice to kill herself - they're not a real cause and effect thing.

your relationship sounds a lot like one i had - far away, toxic, jealous, tons of arguments. relationship honestly fucked me up emotionally, and i still feel the waves of it 6 years later.

to address the 'give up hanging out with friends' bit, this happened to me too. various avenues of doing that; lie about my friends to make me 'want' to stop, outright demand it, and others.

one of my good friends ended up dying a few days after she told me to stop talking to her. to give an example of that You'll actually miss out on shit if you keep that path up.

It was difficult to break up with her, but I eventually had. She had cheated on me several times, and I had enough of it. I have never regretted it, and I felt an actual huge relief after I cut the ties of communication.

It may take you some time to get to that point where you're able to do that and feel relief... but you are on that path.

The only person's happiness you're responsible for is ultimately you. And her, hers.
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BPD yeah, what that anon said. been done, ruined my fucking life. get out as fast as your legs can carry you and never look back. no contact.

no j/k
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>>18440504
>>18440545
OP here.
Not quite sure about the BPD part but she has been in therapy with a psychologist for a while. She was only diagnosed with depression (only been told that of course, but I believe there's nothing more to it).
Then again when we are together everything is actually pretty good, but sometimes we argue of course.

She hasn't cheated on me once and neither have I. Sometimes I lie to her to hang out with friends just so I don't completely lose contact, and when she knows I'm hanging out with them she can't stand me not texting for 30 minutes tops.
I'm not emotionally ready to let go of this relationship and I still don't know if I should.
>>
>>18440564

do you feel you get back in return equal amounts of work and flexibility you put into the relationship?

don't take this the wrong way anon but how many previous relationships have you had? it can be very hard to give these things up sometimes, a sunken cost if you will, and it's especially hard when it's a person as you feel it's wrong to 'make someone sad to benefit yourself' ... and y'know, it can be, but only for so long.

not to make you paranoid but the lady I described was diagnosed BPD. psych and all that. She told me only it was depression, which I had accepted; I later found out she had left that out when I went with her to her case worker and she let it slip.
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>>18440579
I've had 4 relationships. Before this one, all of them pretty brief but yeah. I know what you mean.

If by flexibility you mean the liberties you give to the other person then the answer to work is yes but flexibility no. I told her she can hang out with whomever she wanted to and whenever, she has and (again she doesn't really have friends) this old friend of her she sees very rarely.
Most of the time she's working so she doesn't have much time (like myself).

I may be wrong but doesn't a person with BPD have moments in which they're extremely euphoric and others where they are extremely depressed? That's never happened.
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>>18440621
that's bipolar. bpd is borderline personality disorder

The most distinguishing symptoms of BPD are marked sensitivity to rejection or criticism, and intense fear of possible abandonment.[8] Overall, the features of BPD include unusually intense sensitivity in relationships with others, difficulty regulating emotions, and impulsivity. Other symptoms may include feeling unsure of one's personal identity, morals, and values; having paranoid thoughts when feeling stressed; dissociation and depersonalization; and, in moderate to severe cases, stress-induced breaks with reality or psychotic episodes.
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>>18440640
That's... quite descriptive of her case actually (for the most part)
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>>18440504
By the way I forgot to mention I'm sorry about the loss of your friend. It was fucked up of your ex to tell you to stop talking to her (unless her death was not really expected)
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>>18440672
not that anon, but "my" case gave me the guilt-trip and full retard argument when I had to go abroad for a few days to my fucking grandmother's funeral.
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>>18440690
I see. Mine did the same to me because I have to go abroad to stay with family for a month. Although last time we talked about it she was fine with it. I fear she might guilt trip me while I'm away, because I'm gone
Thread posts: 11
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