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Boyfriend addicted to porn

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Alright, I posted awhile ago about this and everyone basically just told me to be honest with him, let him know how it makes me feel that he spends so much time and energy on watching porn rather than being intimate with me.

Well, I did. I told him that it made me feel like shit that he watches all these videos of girls pretending to enjoy sex, kinks I'm not into, etc. And he admitted he has a problem, because he was exposed to hardcore porn at such a young age. He was really sad for a few days and kept saying he was thinking about the "guy who ruined his life" all those years ago. He said he would stop. That was about two or three weeks ago? We've talked briefly about it since, but he brought it up right before bed and said that he's been doing really well without it, I said I wanted to talk about it more sometime because I was really tired.

Well, I haven't been checking his downloads since I opened up to him about it. Today I had to use his computer for something though, and accidentally copied and pasted... a porn video he was watching last night. I couldn't resist, and now I found his spankbang account and see all the dumb shit he comments on porn.

I know it's an addiction, and I know it will be hard for him to really quit, but he watched 10 fucking pornos in one day while I was at work. I'm livid. I know I shouldn't let into my anger, but what the fuck should I say? Knowing he's watching this trash (Guardians of the Galaxy porn? REALLY?!) makes me want to... Jesus Christ. He fucking LIED to me and only went a few days without porn, then he was right back to his old ways. I used to check his downloads to see what I could emulate to spice up our sex life, but that was obviously a huge mistake because now I'm pigeonholed in a daddy kink I'm not into. Even he doesn't know why he watches such a large variety of porn, threesomes to interracial to newlyweds to Ghostbuster parodies. I love him but what the FUCK
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>>18438131
Also, he said he deleted all his porn? It's just moved to another folder. He's got easily over 200 porn videos on his computer.
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>>18438131
My advices is becomes the porn he loves.
Its just fantasy anyways, why are u so insecure about it.
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>>18438147
I'm not insecure about it, it's sapping the life out of our intimacy. I already play along with fantasies I'm not into, calling him daddy turns me OFFFFFFFF. I'd be happy to do anal if he spent half as much time watching "anal whores" and spent that time actually learning my body, working up to new things.
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>>18438147
Also, he would never in a million years want me fucking someone else, so what's with all the threesome videos?
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>>18438162
You ever watch one youtube video and then another then realize an hour later your watching random videos and wasted a bunch of time ? Some guys do that with porn ill click and watch a video if it has some whack name or a parody
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>>18438131
Weird shit, maybe he seeks something that he can't get from you. Most of all i think its just his habit now and he probably wont even get hard from most of it anymore, make him stop before he goes braindead.

>>18438159
Daddy/Mommy is the cancer of bdsm.
Doesn't he realize he's beig pathetic, why dont you make him feel that way?
>>18438162
Oh i bet he does but would he really swallow his pride? He probably is insecure about his shit because deep down he knows he's fucked up and doesn't think he can find anyone anymore if you leave for the other guy.
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>>18438131

Is he watching porn rather than sleeping with you? If this is the case then ignore >>18438147 as it isn't just a fantasy, it's a preference to him.

You need to sit down and speak to him about how much he's watching pornography. He isn't doing anything wrong by watching it, and it's clear that you agree by your original post, but there comes a time when porn use starts to impact on a healthy relationship and it seems like this is happening.

Also, lying would be a red flag for me. What else might he be lying about? Heavy porn use also seems to go hand in hand with cam girls as well, which I personally feel is a violation of trust (if not previously agreed).

The only thing you can do is draw attention to how unhealthy this is for your relationship and confidence, and hope that he cares enough to listen.
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>>18438181
>>18438192
I can understand it being out of boredom, but out of all the other shit he's passionate about, this is terrible not only for our relationship but him alone. He's always so concerned about what he puts his energy into, but will watch porn for hours? He didn't hide it either until I said something, every morning he would spend at least an hour in the bathroom and occasionally I'd really have to pee, he wouldn't answer my knocks because he's got headphones in, so I've caught him in the act numerous times.

He was single for years before I met him, definitely fearful of not finding anyone else if I left him, so he developed odd "tastes," like the parent kinks which I agree are just fucking awful.
>Doesn't he realize he's being pathetic, why dont you make him feel that way?
When I confronted him, he was genuinely upset by how he was making me feel.
Also, going back to the threesome, he also likes to play "Uncle" so there's this weird act of secrecy between me fucking my "dad" and my "uncle," or pretending to fuck both at the same time with help of toys... I'm just at such a loss of what to do man.
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>>18438213
Yes, I have nothing against porn in general but the quality and quantity of his habits makes me sick. I would love to show him the erotica I enjoy that shows actual passion between lovers, and it's not just some vanilla shit either... But that's another thing that worries me, I don't want him to get into tying me up and then accidentally go over the limits and hurt me. Like I said about anal above, he occasionally asks to just shove it in, and it's like are you fucking stupid? Not even going to get lube? Not even going to massage my ass first? Porn is also hurting our relationship because he skips foreplay ENTIRELY. Foreplay is my favorite part, I like to build passion up. Do I just need to start blue balling him, by letting him know I'm DTF but he has to actually put effort into it?

As for camgirls, I found one single link in his history to a camgirl site but am unsure if it was an intentional visit or a popup from one of the sketchy streaming sites we use to watch movies and shit. Though I highly doubt he'd go so far as to actually pay a camgirl, we live and pay bills together so lying about his finances would be.... yikes.
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>>18438234 #

I think you're being completely reasonable about this then, and I really hope you manage to fix it.

You will get some people telling you that you're being unreasonable about this, but they will probably be biased by their own porn habits. There is nothing wrong with watching porn while in a relationship, but there comes a point where it becomes damaging for all parties involved.

Would he ever seek professional help?
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>>18438254
Thank you for your support. I do genuinely love this man, and when I first confronted him about all this I also said "I love you and want to have amazing sex with you." So he should KNOW I'm still interested in him sexually even though we haven't had sex in weeks.

I might bring up therapy next time I talk to him about this... but I don't know how to approach this conversation AGAIN when I feel this much disappointment.
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>>18438131
You have to understand, it can be REALLY fucking difficult to quit porn if the user starts watching at a young age, as many guys do.

My advice is to just talk to him about it once and a while with the intention to help him more-so than scorn him. I've been trying to quit for a while and it's hard enough with being humiliated and berated by your gf.
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>>18438283
I don't want to humiliate him... And I understand that it's difficult to quit cold turkey.

But he didn't think to himself in the 100 minutes of porn he watched just yesterday in the two hours I wasn't home, or the 5 hours worth of porn he watched while I was at work the all day the day before.... he didn't think to himself "Hey, I told my girlfriend I'd stop being so excessive with this?" or "Hey, maybe if I stop jacking off like a teenager and sexually neglecting my girlfriend she'll be more willing to explore new things with me?" I know as soon as I bring it up again, even if I'm really nice and supportive about it, he's going to rightfully feel ashamed of himself and get mopey again. I expected us to not have sex for at least a few days after the conversation because he was visibly upset with himself, but... man, I'm just so disappointed. He only really tried for like three days.
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Alright, I think I know what I have to do, but can anyone tell me what the crown, gold and silver coins, and red coin thing is on Spankbang under people's profiles?

My boyfriend has 1 crown, 2 gold, 7 silver and 10 red. What does that mean?
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So... I'm about to go to work. But he came home for lunch, and I was obviously upset, no good at keeping secrets, told him what I found. He denies most of it, like he didn't watch porn for 5 hours straight etc, says the website is stupid and yeah, he hasn't purged everything yet but he's been trying which I believe, doesn't do it every morning like he used to... Any advice on how to handle the situation is greatly appreciated, because I think I just ruined both our days.
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>>18438470
find a guy who isn't fucking mentally broken
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you're borderline retarded if you think 10 hours duration downloaded is 10 hours duration watched

people download 3 hours of porn for 2 minutes of watching what they actually wanted to see
he's not sitting there all day watching porn, he starts up the downloads, waits for them to finish or maybe partially finish, rubs one out, and then deletes them in disgust now that the craving is over
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According to [this paper][1] that the clickbait sites were into a few months ago, there are three categories of porn users. I think your boyfriend is in the "compulsive" group. You and he both want him to be a normal "recreational" user:

> Recreational users reported higher sexual satisfaction and lower sexual compulsivity, avoidance, and dysfunction, whereas users with a compulsive profile presented lower sexual satisfaction and dysfunction and higher sexual compulsivity and avoidance.

I think that the right angle here isn't to make him cut it out with the porn, but to realize it's interfering with his life and sexual health. I don't know how you can go about doing that, but what you said earlier was right: it won't be fast or easy for him to quit cold turkey.

He's got to decide to commit to it, because kicking any addiction takes a lot of discipline. Having a system of rewards and punishments can also help — when my sister's ex was quitting pills he had a daily ritual where he would get himself chocolate milk, but toss it out on days where he fell of the wagon.

Normally I'd say he needs a support network, but since this is such a sensitive issue I guess that just means you. Help him set milestone goals for himself — like "no porn on Tuesdays and Thursdays" or "only on weekends" or "when you go out, always make sure you've showered more recently than you've masturbated!" — and help hold him to them. As long as he understands why you're doing it and that you aren't judging him and have his best interests at heart, I think it's completely acceptable to get in his face while he's trying to quit. If he gets better then in the long run he'll thank you.

[1]: http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S1743609516308426
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>>18438663
IMO, downloading porn is itself weird. Like, are you afraid the internet is going to run out? Can you not stand the idea of not having porn on hand when you're offline? Or are you just obsessively trying to collect all the porn that you ever got your rocks off to? No matter how you slice it, I just find it strange.

Anyways, based on all the stuff she's said, I think there's really no question that her bf is in fact a porn addict.

>>18438295
You can't make him cut back, but you can help him. If he's admitted he has a problem, the next step for him is to decide to do something about it. Ask him what he thinks could help him, and try to be supportive so that he feels encouraged to put in the effort of improving himself. Maybe see a couples therapist?
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>>18438131
Here is what u do roasty op, when he gets home from work. U kneel Down and tell him ur his whore in a seductive voice. U slowly unzip his pants and starts sucking his dick. U tell him he can do whatever he wants to u. And if he still watch porn, there's something wrong with him, and u leave his ass.
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Real talk right now.

He's not gonna stop watching porn, it's always gonna be there. So the best you can hope for cutting down his use, the only way you can do that is by doing and performing lots of sexual acts with him to get his mind off of it. If he started at a young age his body is used to both the physical addiction of pleasure and the way of going about it (masturbation). You'll have to try to change the going about it to YOU. Now that's a lot of work and potentially very humiliating to turn yourself into a giant slut for him. so 3 options.

1. Continue the relationship and just ignore the porn. (Even though you'll most certainly be hurt by this)

2. Use your body to try to rehabilitate him. (Likely to be degrading and will take a long time)

3. Leave. You may love him but this addiction isn't going anywhere anytime soon. He will lie, repeatedly, and constantly.
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Monitoring his downloads is a little over the top. You should respect his privacy.

That said, its normal for guys to fantasize about things they dont want in real life. The fantasy could be anything (i.e. threesomes, pee). The turn on isn't the act itself but seeing a girl reduced to a pure sexual object..not necessarily in a demeaning way, but straight up appreciation of the human nature and sex.

Unless it interferes with his life, career, or your sex life it's fine. Is your bf adventurous? Consider he might be a different person if he was not exposed to all that porn..its part of him now. Are you having less sex because he gets off to porn? If it interferes with anything, that's where I would draw the line.

For the record, my wife and I have sex about 4 times a week. She won't do anymore because she doesn't have much drive. She likes it once we get started but it's a lot of work for her. The other days I jerk off to some pretty sick porn..old habit, but doesn't interfere with my life. Key point: I wouldn't dream of doing those things to her. You are worried about threesomes/interracial? Pffft. I recently jerked to a video of a girl crowning (when she pushes out part of a shit then let's it back in), then stuff a peeled banana in her ass, fuck her ass with a dildo (mixing the banana with her shit), then finally shitting it all out and sucking the dildo. Would I want my wife to do that? Fuck no that would be gross. But for some reason, seeing a video of a girl I dont have any attachment to..reduced to her basic animal functions of shitting and fucking..something about that gets me off.
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>>18438470
Jesus, his lieing is a natural reaction to you not understanding him. He wouldn't feel the need to lie if you understand where he came from. Note I am assuming his viewing habits don't interfere with his life, I could be wrong.
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>>18439371
This post right here is why porn is a cancer on society.

Any apologists for this shit are scum who help destroy people's minds.
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>>18439422
It's not my fault some people can function with a porn habit and some can't. I finger out at least 2-3 orgasms out of my wife a week (foreplay to sex), go out on dates with her, have a few good friends, have a very very good and stable job, work out, read and have other hobbies, and have a house I've paid for..

Do I download HD videos of cute girls shitting their guts out and prolapsing their anus? Yeah I do that too...but so what? I only spend a few hours max on that shit a week.
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>>18439441
Thread posts: 27
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