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I've been racking my brain over this for a good while now.

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I've been racking my brain over this for a good while now. Please fucking help me.
>be me, high-school senior
>have a crush on qt since about 8th grade, we'll call her Cortana
>was always just a crush and nothing else, somehow become friends over the course of 4-5 years
>suddenly, while talking to her at her locker everything seems... different
>maybe it's the way the sun is hitting her but I could swear she's glowing
>and her smile is so bright
>and did her voice always sound so buttery smooth?
>realize I have developed feelings for her
>I've hit on her some times and each time been rejected, know that another attempt would be futile
>decide to run away from the problem, it's worked plenty times before
>go dark for about a couple of weeks, avoid her and don't talk to her
>wasn't concerned with how she might've felt, she's never taken any kind of interest in me before
>after two weeks, consider myself "cured"
>start talking to her but
>she yells at me, tells me I can't just disappear for know reason then suddenly come back
>says she was hurt
>apparently Cortana values me a good bit more than I thought
>apologize, say I didn't mean to hurt her, tell her I left for various personal reasons
>she says it's okay, just don't do it again
>things go back to normal
>unfortunately that means I've caught feelings again
>decide fuck it, I'll be honest with her about why this time
>everything goes surprisingly well
>she says she understands, that I gotta do what I gotta do, and bottling up emotions is bad for me
>I take my leave
Ok by now you see the cycle starting. Throughout the entire year we'd been on this "on again, off again" basis. I leave, she's fine with it, ffw, she's a bit upset, I humor her a bit, drags me back in with the same charms, wash-rinse-repeat. Cont.
>drags me back in with the same charms

You are not a passive object here. Next time, don't go back.
So what's the problem? I don't understand.
He wants to get rid of his cuckolding fetish. It's clearly affecting his every day life.
Bill cosby the slut
>ffw to the end of April
>we were both in the Youth Orchestra of our county and were on the way to Tampa for a quick concert and a day at Busch Gardens
>Bus took a pit stop. We all unloaded into some tourist joint
>while checking out some little knickknacks Cortana bumps against me with a playful little smirk
>"Why?" I ask
>"Because." she responds
>I know what she's doing. I can't let it happen again.
>guess what? It happens again.
>and yet somehow... better
>so. much. better.
>after concert, literally 5-6 hours by ourselves wandering around the theme park
>just the two of us
>we had fun like nothing was ever wrong
>ride around in a gondola
>starts raining
>because of the angle, my side is getting more significantly more rain than hers
>"You know you can just sit over her with me, Anon? That looks like a lot of rain. And your map is practically gone."
>she was right. I was drenched. so I hesitantly moved to her side
>the trip back home was just as fun, too. She looked at me and talked to me in ways I was unfamiliar with
>After that trip, decide fuck it. I don't care about all the unrequited shit. As long as I get to be with her and see her happy, I'm happy.
>Next few weeks into May were great. We were friends again. Almost more than.
>Now enter Senior's last week
>out of nowhere, Cortana goes quiet on me
>figure she's probably just busy studying for AP finals and readying for college
>but no it was more than that
>she avoided me, when I spoke to her, the best I could expect was a mumbled hello
>send a heartfelt message about how I'll miss her, if we do never see each other again
>she snaps at me
>tells me to stop being creepy, goes on about how she's at her wits end
>tell her that it was a purely platonic message

That was the last I spoke to her. A group of friends and I'd bumped into her a couple times but she acts like I don't exist, while she practically bear hugs everyone else. What the fuck happened?
This actually
Glad you understand Anon.
I know. Never want to see her again honestly. Wish I'd decided to earlier.
>What the fuck happened?

Who cares? Seriously, who cares?

She was NEVER your girlfriend. She knew how you felt and yet she NEVER gave you what you wanted. You allowed her to get what she needed out of the friendship and you let yourself always be unsatisfied.

Move the fuck on dude. She already did.
No, no, i moved on. I just need things to make sense. It's just a problem I have.
Stop being so passive, you're digging ditches left and right because of it. Watch some assertiveness videos, maybe get assertiveness training, go fight some people fight club style.
When you came back after weeks the first time, you shouldn't have apologised but more like told her you owe her nothing and you needed some time alone. Then move on and see if she comes back.
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