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GF says she wants me to be more aggressive/assertive. I was

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GF says she wants me to be more aggressive/assertive.

I was raised in an environment were women were precious and had to be treated as if made of porcelain so I don't really have it in me

How do I become more aggressive in bed? How much is too much? How do I know if I'm being excessive?
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>>18372499
>How do I become more aggressive in bed?
try just doing a few things to start out.
-when you have her on her back, bring both of her hands above her head and pin them there with one hand while you do whatever with your other.
-put her body into the position you want
-bend her over the bed and bring both her arms back and pin them to the small of her back
-alternatively, from behind wrap your dominant arm around her torso so you're sort of cradling her body with your forearm running between her breasts, and gently (G.E.N.T.L.Y) rest your hand on her throat. the point here isn't to choke her (not a fan of choking desu) but to... well let her know you're in control, dom.

>How much is too much?
in my book? anything that causes any kind of permanent harm physical or mental, or that I'm not comfortable with. I knew a couple that used to post their exploits on the internet and some of the things that the guy did to her were pretty horrific. she was a masochist to the point that she liked broken bones and she had mental problems that weren't being helped by their exploits. don't be a fucking barbarian. being dom is not being a sadist and vice versa. they are not mutually exclusive but they are not also the same.

>How do I know if I'm being excessive?
read her, have a safeword. talk about what she likes.

I can not stress enough the importance in reading your GF and her responses to things. in my book, doming is not about fear, or intimidation, or violence like so many people make it.
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>>18372543
also, you don't necessarily need to do these things like, aggressively, you can dom in an understated way. also I don't know where your gf is at so again, you have to read her to figure out what is okay with her. like if you interpreted all that as being, fast aggressive movements think of the first one like this

>you start with her on her back, legs and arms wrapped around you, maybe making out, kind of taking it slow with the thrusting
>you reach back for one of her arms, still making out, still going slow, and bring it down and above her head.
>do the same with the other
>then hold them there as you give her one last kiss before kind of sitting up
>then up your intensity.
>>
>>18372499
Think of it as a role-playing game. Both make clear in advance that what's about to happen doesn't reflect your real feelings for each other but is just a game to excite you both. Then play the role of a macho guy who only uses women for his own pleasure.
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>>18372543
So it's more about being firm than forceful, then?

What about slaps and that kind of stuff, too much? I wouldn't even dream of doing any permanent damage to her.
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It's not that hard....
>>
>>18372499
>How do I become more aggressive in bed?

Talk to her to see what she wants beforehand.

>How much is too much?

Talk to her to get a feel of her limits and set up a safe word if needed.

>How do I know if I'm being excessive?

Talk to her!
>>
>>18372680
>slaps
Human ass is made from tissue designed for slapping. Even if you slap her very hard, it will just make her ass jiggle.

Slap her ass and order her to make you sandwich.
>>
Settle on a safe word

Start assuming that as long as she doesn't say the safe word what you're doing is fine.

You'll gradually start realizing she's not as precious and fragile as you think, and you might enjoy the power trip.
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>>18372904

Worth remembering that while being rough-handled a bit might be a turn on, genuine pain might not be. Don't slap her too hard unless you know she likes it
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>>18372934
It is counter productive telling dude who said
>women had to be treated as if make of porcelain
to not slap her too hard.

I bet he will be scared if it makes loud slap. In the worst case her butt will be a little red and she will cry like a bitch she is. You want him to be rough with you, better get used to it or dont complain next time.

They will be fine.
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>>18372680
I mean it can be forceful, but it can also just be about being firm and in control of what's happening. it's about trust really. it's about her trusting that she can submit to you and that you won't take advantage of that or abuse that honor.

slaps imo are for asses only, I know there are some people that like being slapped in the face, that's a hard nope for me. you can see if she's into hair pulling, nipple play, maybe bite her a little. biting can be really good when you're trying to accentuate the sensations you're trying to give her. It does two things, causes a contrast, and sensitizes the nerves in that area. I don't mean biting hard, don't leave teeth marks. the response you want is her breath catching in surprise and then a note of pleasure different or longer than what she was doing before.
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>>18372679
simply put, this.
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>>18373524
i thought the entire point was "taking advantage of her" in a pleasurable way for her of course. but you know, acting like you don't care and just want to use her like a toy, then contrast it with cuddling and caring afterwards
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>>18372499
I'm not gonna repeat the others (much) so I'm gonna tell you something else.

Let the feeling of guilty go away. Tell yourself that it's alright to be your natural self and in fact you should try and become your natural self, because that's the most natural and healthy state you can be in.
After this is done you will know what to do.

Don't be afraid, you won't hurt her. Look at porn clip, it's a bad example, but you will see lot of things done to women. They aren't hurt by it.

Examples:
Hold her down and close to you.Shut her mouth up with your hands. Grab her by the neck (be more careful here.). Pull or her. Hold her by her hair. Slap her ass.

Fuck her manly. Sometimes fuck her like a bitch/whore. Women like that. She will like you manhandling her.
You don't have to restrict your sexual encounters to that type of sex only. Sometimes you should passionately make love, sometimes you should fuck her like a toy you use. This is all part of natural interaction. The ratio is pretty much varies to person to person.

Another approach: just do what you have never dared to do, what's in your fantasies. Believe me, what most men fantasize about (not the extreme shit, just the regular stuff) it's mostly what they actually like and what lot of women like.
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