I was yelled at a lot growing up. I believe it's the core

Your insecurities, speech patterns and valuation of privacy concerns are all symptoms. Being yelled at is also just a surface level concern, it represents a more fundamental problem.

To help you out more specifically can you answer me this: when you reflect on what you did at the end of your typical day, do you feel you can go to bed knowing you are a respectable person? If so, why? If not, why not?

>>18370546
I feel you man. I had to deal with emotional and mental abuse daily. Resulted in anxiety disorder and rock bottom self esteem.

>>18370546
anon you are not alone

I had a similar experience, but also developed sociopathy. That cured some insecurities but not all. Therapy might work for you since you probably can resist the urge to toy with your therapist.
Accept that you are screwed up and stop seeking outside validation. Everything starts and ends with you.
I have no self esteem. But nor do I have any expectation for it or its benefits. Its not about accepting defeat, rather you need to realize that everything is insignificant.

>>18370608
I can't. Most of the time because I feel I didn't do as much as I should have done, or that I'm nowhere closer to being happier.

>>18370708
Then, and I know this is a hard thing, you need to focus on taking responsibility. You were abused, and that is going to be with you for the rest of your life. It's going to make it harder to get out of bed and do something difficult, exhausting or draining every single day. But that is the ONLY thing that will allow you to overcome this. It will require you to push yourself despite how you feel - I don't know your personal life but I suggest you start with a basic set of routines. Do exercise, volunteer your time with shelters, something to that degree. Do NOT do something you are talented at, do something hard.

That may seem demanding or even harsh, but so is life. I was physically beaten as a child to the point of being a eunuch, I was homeless from age 13 and I became a drug addict. I had zero reason to respect myself or be happy. Every single day I could have killed myself because of what people did to me. I'm 29 now, happily married with children, have a wonderful career, and two hours ago I just got back home from handing out bread I baked this morning to the homeless near where I live. It took me 15 years but I can respect myself now. You can too anon.

Hi, passing by this thread and I was wondering if anyone could elaborate on the abuse of being yelled at? What is it like, how does it make you feel, etc? I would much appreciate it. Thanks! (Hope I'm not derailing anything too much)

>>18370731
imagine full metal jacket boot camp with 10 year old kids who are not sure what's going on or why did they end up there as recruits with sadistic gunnery sergeants outnumbering them 2:1

>>18370731
Its a self esteem thing. The classic "you're worthless" "never should have been born" shit you get from awful parents. It varies by case of course but for the most part its an ego killer. People who grow up with that like me and a few others feel totally worthless and beneath everyone. Even if someone truly kind tries to boost us up we refuse because we've been taught that we aren't worth anyone's time.

>>18370742
Aw yeah.... awful. Really bad for kiddos... Do they usually straight up say things like that, "you're worthless" etc, or do they convolute it sometimes, just trying to make you feel like shit? Do they usually have a "reason" for yelling or is it just random?

>>18370752
All of the above. Whenever they want reason or no. If there is a reason to yell they go the extra mile to kill you over it.

Again its a case by case basis but most could probably attest to those getting abused as an opportunistic attack really. A grade below an A+? You're a fucking moron and will get a job working at McDonald's till you're 80. Broke a dish? We spend money in you and this is how you repay us you piece of shit etc etc whatever they find they use.

>>18370752
>>18370759
in my case it was always obvious to me and anyone in hearing range
and then to people my parents called to explain what a worthless piece of shit I am - ofc loud enough so I could hear them say that

I ended up going to a shrink but my mother cut it short when the lady sugested that maybe I am not a peace of shit and my parents are in fact the source of the problem

thank God for the internet cuz I wasn't able to talk to anyone about my problems IRL since that

The only way to prove your parents right is to sit and wallow. No one is born worthless, no one is born valuable. You earn both value and worthlessness with your own actions.

I feel you bro. Spent whole 15 first years of my life being yelled at by my dad daily, also in the car on the way home or to school or others, he treated me like I was a thing and never hesitated to beat me hard.
I will never forget how he screamt, fucking scared me.

Had a lot of insecurities, depression because of this.

It's good that you're working on yourself, I do the same. Keep going, I feel way better than before and you will too.