Hi guys. I'm having a really rough time and want to admit

Kill yourself

>>18364561
Not that anyone will believe me, and I genuinely don't care if you do, but I'm pretty certain I'm a sociopath. I have no real feelings or emotions inside, my while life I would look to other to find out how to react to things. I only feel rage and anger that can never be filled or go leave. I still remember wanting to kill people back in elementary school. I feel the worst felling anyone will ever feel which is nothing inside. I swear I actually want to kill myself sometimes. Recently I've discovered that the bottled up desire I've had all my life was the desire for homocide tendencies. I look at living things and get the urge to kill it. Like my dogs I want to so bad kick their face in juts for laying their. I want to get help but don't want to be put in a hospital or on meds.

Kills yourself

>>18364561
>>18364603
Are you the same person?

>>18366102
Op here, no.

>>18364561
A couple years back I went kind of nuts and ended up in a psych ward for about a week.

Pretty much the only reason you'd check yourself into one of these places is if you're in immediate, life-threatening crisis or suspect you have an actual psychiatric condition i.e. schizophrenia and need to be medicated. If you're just depressed or lonely, or have psychological issues that don't necessarily require medication, it'll probably have no effect or slightly hurt you in the long run. The food sucks(I know this sounds trivial but the little things add up; plus not eating the slop they give you is something they'll use to try and diagnose you with something you don't necessarily have), the place is drab and sometimes beat up from patient "incidents," and you're surrounded by unstable-at-best people, all of which are never good for your mental health and wellbeing.

I can elaborate more if you'd like, but as I said it should be viewed as a specific last resort.

>>18366642
I don't think I'm a danger to myself anymore. I used to self harm but haven't in years, but the thought is coming back a lot more often than usual. I already take medications for my issues (depression, anxiety, ocd, bipolar disorder, eating disorder) but obviously none of the dozens of medications I've taken are helping. Lately I'm getting intrusive thoughts about suicide. I wouldn't ever do it, but it causes really intense panic attacks. I've started not eating again and I'm really struggling with my eating disorder. I'm having insane mood swings, one second I'm really happy, the next I'n incredibly angry. I'm counting things again due to the ocd, I'm scared of germs again, the rituals are coming back. In my mind, if I don't do what my ocd wants me to do, someone I love will get hurt.
I'm not sure if a psychiatric hospital is the best bet for me but I feel really defeated. Trying a new medication would take too long to stabilize me, I feel like I want to harm myself but I don't think I would. I don't know. I don't know what else to try. It feels like the world is ending and I can't stop crying.

Have you seen a therapist yet? Try that first. Psych hospitals will do everything they can to keep you there forever so they can continue to bill your insurance. Go there as a last resort only.

>>18366725
You are going through exactly what im going through and honestly the only reason i came on adv today was to see if anyone else is going through death like me here because i feel like im going insane. I take no medications because i really dont like them but at this point i feel like i need to be on something. Everyday i just feel fear and depressed, i wake up randomly at night with anxiety attacks. Probably my biggest fear right now is that im getting schitzo or alzheimers or im just dying idk at this point anymore

>>18366740
I did for a while, it was too expensive though so I had to stop. I'm going to call around tomorrow and see if I can get an appointment with a therapist.
>>18366946
I'm sorry anon :( I hope everything turns out well for you

I had a moment many yearrs ago that was really a defining moment in my life. I really truly believe that i (momentarily) list my mind. The feeling of overwhelming monotony ruled my life, the constant struggle of work, sleep, or play. I was a miserable human being before, always worrying, not enjoying life,. Then one day kind of a normal day it hit me. The feeling is easiest to describe as warm sunshine on your brain. And everything changed completely. Everyone i knew kept asking if i was alright, that i was acting different. And really ever since ive been much happier. I almost never worry, or think to far ahead, im calm, and happy 90% of the time, and life is great.

>>18364603
If you're being genuine, I advise you to talk to someone. Either a counselor or a psychiatrist, or preferrably both. You won't have a very good life unless you do. That's a cold, hard fact, but it will be impossible for you to see the truth of it from your present vantage point.

We must begin from where we are; there's no shame or embarrassment in seeking out a good counselor. It's the wisest thing you could possibly do.

>>18364603
Leans more towards psychopath than sociopath.