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Grandparents

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>late 20s
>have two kids w/ gf
>my grandparents (my late mom's mom and stepdad) always complain about not seeing the great grand kids
>give them copy of work schedule, tell them they are more than welcome to come to my house on my days off and just to call to make sure we (me, gf, and kids) are home
>they never come over, but always want me to come over, even though my kids are bored as hell at their house because there is nothing to do for them (grandparents are cheap and sit in a dimly lit room all day)
>I live maybe 5 miles from said grandparents
>grandparents constantly driving to casino 2 hours away, but won't make time to come visit the great grandkids

fast forward

>invite them to my oldest one's bday party, mail cards w/ RSVP all that stuff
>get text from aunt (mom's sister) at 8am day of party saying grandparents won't make it
>grandparents were offered a ride from another family member to and from party, still didn't go

Am I rude for saying I'm done with the grandparents? They call me up crying saying they never see the great grandkids, but have been by the house probably 3 times since my oldest is born (she's 2 now). I mean me and my gf work, so whenever we're both off, sometimes we just want to sit around the house and enjoy the day off and don't want to run the roads.

Who is responsible for attempting this great grand child/great grand parent relationship?

My dad's mom always comes by the house (she lives about 20 miles away and usually comes to my town once a week to see my little brother play sports/band/etc.)
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>>18362257
Next time they act upset just say litterally what you wrote here, it might make them upset but anyone with a little bit of rational thinking will agree with you.
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>>18362273
At what point do I just give up? I've been by their house, but my oldest clings to me and won't go near them because they are such strangers to her.
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OP Here:
To Clarify these are my great-grand parents. My dad and stepmom are involved in my kid's life a lot.
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>>18362313
My Kid's great grandparents, my grandparents****
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>>18362257
OP, call them and tell them that. Tell them that maybe they should think about the grandkids when they go to the fucking casino next time. Id be pissed if I were you, ots a great reason tl do so.
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>>18362327
I just wanted to make sure I'm not being selfish or the asshole. I mean I understand they are in their 70s, but if they can drive almost 100 miles to the casino once a month, but not the 7 miles to see the greatgrandkids periodically or the 21 miles to the birthday party (even when they were offered a ride to and from), then WTF?

I mean my mom died when she was in her late 20s, so you would think they would be jumping at every opportunity to see their late daughter's, son's, daughter, but I guess not.

They emailed me today and said can you send us a new work schedule, and I started to say, well, you didn't come over any of my off days, on the last schedule I sent, so why do you want one anyway?
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>>18362350
Op you are in the right, don't have them guilt trip you. You've given them chances before and they chose to spend their time else wher
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>>18362628
I mean, should I attempt to go over there more often? I've gone over several times and my oldest clings to me and won't even go near them (because she doesn't really know them).

What do I do? I mean I know they are older, but at the same time, I send them my work schedule, tell them when I'm off to call me and see if we are home (99% chance we are) and they can swing by, but I haven't spoken to them on the phone in over a month.

They comment on fb posts saying how much they miss the kids, but have shown zero effort in being a part of their life.

My gf's family lives over 200 miles away and they've seen our kids more than my grandparents who live 7 miles away. They make a huge effort because every time they come in, they call my gf and say hey we're coming in town, bring the kids over to visit.
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>>18362350
That's it, you need to give it to them straight anon.
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>>18362662
I have. I have even told my aunt (late mom's sister, their other daughter) Hey, not to be an ass, but they complain that they never see the kids, but at the same time they know it's an open invite to the house if we are home, yet never come, but are always driving to the casino.

My grandmother called me crying saying oh, we never see anon and you never call us or come by and I've said, well I've sent you my schedule and you know it's an open invite, it's kind of hard to load both of them up and go anywhere (especially when there's nothing for a toddler to play with over there and she clings to me).

At what point do I stop trying? Me and the gf were pretty pissed they said they were going to the party on the fb invite, then didn't show.
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>>18362674
Dude, be done with them. The guilt is only natural because you are human and you feel empathy.

That being said, they have absolutely no right to guilt you or you partner. This is especially true if every caveat has been made to include them in your life and they choose the casino instead.

Cut them out. It will hurt for a bit but you'll be better for it. They'll either take it as a wake up call and change or they won't. You can't do it for them.
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>>18362257
You're in the right and they're in the wrong.

But they're old, and even if you think they don't deserve to see your kids, your kids deserve to see them. Even if the kids are bored there, they will pick up some good memories that will enrich their lives.

Just for the sake of being a good person, make the effort to visit them every two months or so. Put whatever limits you want to ("We can only stay a couple of hours") on the visits. But make them.
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>>18362999
My oldest is only two so she wouldn't remember it anyway. I want them to have some part of that side of the family, but they make it hard for me to want to get my kids involved whenever they show zero effort. My kids could be spending time with my dad and stepmom (who actually give a shit about them) and always come to see them when they aren't working.

When I've gone there, we've only stayed for an hour, because it's awkward whenever my oldest won't go anywhere near them so we're just sitting there making small talk about nothing important.

I just feel like I've exhausted all avenues. Hell, I told my gf not to even invite that side of the family next year because they won't even show up, is that a dick thing to do or justified?
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>>18362848
I don't think there will be a wakeup call until my grandma's husband (step grandpa dies) and she realizes that she is all alone except for me who lives near her (her sister lives 80 miles away and her daughter lives 200 miles away).

I was told at my party that my step grandpa was dying (had bypass 7 years ago, was given life expectancy of 7-10 years and has been feeling like shit lately).
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>>18362309
>At what point do I just give up?

Right now? If they care that much they'd come to you.
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>>18363335
They emailed me today and asked for a new work schedule. Didn't even say sorry for not making the party or anything.

I didn't respond to their email, my gf says I'm making a big deal out of this, but I'm just sick of it.
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No more adv?
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bump for more adv
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>>18362257

Question OP: How much do you like these grandparents? How much have they been a part of your life?
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>>18367239
When I was a little kid (elementary age) we always went camping, they always picked me up from school etc., however when I got into middle school and high school, they never went to band concerts or football games.
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>>18367268

So as they got older, they stopped trying to meet other people halfway and want everything brought to them, gotcha.

Grandparents are weird, they expect to be treated with this grand respect they never earned - like my grandfather who would call me a loser and make fun of me for not being in college when we visited him for Father's Day, and then he expects me to hug him the next family get together.

And then he wondered why I stopped talking to him.
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>>18367299
Kinda. I mean, they were offered a ride to and from the party, refused, yet are going to a casino 2 hours away at least once a month. They go to this casino so much that everything they own says this casino's name on it.

My other grandparent is always calling or texting saying "Hey, coming down your way, if you are gonna be home, I'm gonna stop by" and I'm like "great, let me know what time, I'll be here!"
Thread posts: 23
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