/DP/ - Depression general

>>18152920
Oh you know, standard "Everyone betrayed me". Which is true, but I'm also an asshole, so kinda deserved it.

>>18152920
Cause: I'm old and in many ways inexperienced and dissatisfied with my future prospects.

symptoms: Chest pain, discomfort, lack of joy, emptiness inside.

Don't take meds, just kinda push through.

>>18152920

>legit depression
>what was the cause

legit depression is only caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain that prevents you from experiencing your emotions properly.

>>18153104
used to take celexa, but i only took about 4-5 pills worth. it worked, so i tried going on with my life.

but i guess my problems are a combination. only child, grew up mostly alone, live alone, etc. Shit job I'm greatful for, but ultimately a generally lonely soul crushing experience.

There is a girl I'm into, she doesn't seem all that into me, probably taken.. meh.

>>18152996
Same. I am like r9k kind of scum and that board makes me sick. Too lazy, too apathetic, too careless, shortsighted and insecure and a little manipulative.

>>18152920
I cant get anything done

there is lots of things i should be doing, but i just keep procrastinating.
every minute im thinking of what i should be doing, but ill just tell myself ill do it later.

i dont have any thoughts about my future
i dont really care about my future
i dont feel a lot of emotions

am i depressed? i've been like this for years now. should i go to see a doctor or is this just a bad attitude?

Ever since the time around when I was in fifth grade, I started having this feeling that started off small and got much worse over time. I felt like there was something wrong with me, something that made me a terrible human being and made me unlovable. I felt like I deserved to be miserable for the rest of my life as punishment for whatever was wrong with me. I had trouble saying no to people because, even if I didn't want to do it, who was I to put my own happiness above someone else's who wasn't a worthless sack of shit and actually deserved to feel happy? It got worse after I contemplated suicide and I determined I was not good enough to live for myself, because then I officially started living for other people. But then that didn't help me feel better because there was still that part of me that didn't want to be a sack of shit, that wanted to be someone who deserved to do and say things that made them happy--someone who I thought I'd never be.

I started taking DXM freshman year of college. At first it was just something to take to feel cool and weird for a while, but then it started having more and more spiritual vibes. Eventually those feelings carried over into everyday life. I'm not totally cured, but I think I'm worth living for and that I deserve happiness, even if I still think I'm not a super great person.

>>18152920
I'd say definite symptoms would be not wanting to do anything, not wanting to socialize, being tired, and wanting/not wanting to eat; all that aside don't listen to the memes, being sad doesn't mean you have depression, depression just means you're never happy and generally not motivated
t. diagnosed professionally at 13

>>18153112
If you have that chemical imbalance, can you still feel joy and sadness on a day to day basis? Or simply apathy pretty much every day?

I tend to feel apathetic, but I am often overwhelmed with sadness (out of nowhere, or rather, thinking about suicide etc) and start crying. Earlier that day I might have laughed and been happy. It seems like my feelings just rapidly change, but usually they progressively get worse throughout the day.

So yeah. Idk what to do. Been like this for around 5 years now.

Don't know if this is depression, or what it is but would like to get advice on how to get out of it.

Basically I am exhausted.
I sleep ~ 10 hours / day.
My mind is fogged and I get self destructive.
Some days, I sleep past lunch and then I just give up, don't go to school or leave the apartment.
Time is my most precious resource, so in a way, I am punishing myself by throwing time away.
My life is pretty great on paper, everything is going well for me, all I have to do at this point is to keep doing what people expect of me.
There is no rational way to explain it if I am depressed.

Does anyone have any idea on how to "get back"?

>>18152996

Pretty much this. I’m a an emotionless cunt. I was a neglectful, controlling asshole to the only person other than myself that I've ever cared about, and after 4 years she eventually got fed up and ran off with another man, a mutual friend, which has fucked me up more than anything I could have ever imagined.

I thought I had my life all l planned out. When we met I was a lonely virgin with few friends, a serious internet/gaming addiction and not much purpose. I was doing a degree, but I generally didn’t give a shit about it all because I was miserable, but then again, I didn’t know any better as that was my life as it had always been up until that point. Then all of a sudden I had this great motivation. This is what I’d been waiting for my whole life and that I’d never thought would happen. I saw my whole future in front of me, a wife, a family, and as such I gave up everything in the beginning. I pretty much flip turned my life upside down (I left everything and everyone I knew behind and moved overseas for a few years), but then of course when the judgement day came, when everything I’d planned for the past 3 or so years had come to fruition I let myself fall into various old addictions and habits and I stagnated, dragging her down with me and making her resent and even despise me. It seems the biggest mistake I ever made was coming home, back to the remnants of my old life, I just wasn’t ready for it. I know I probably deserve what I got, maybe not the betrayal and abandonment by others close to me as that’s what has fucked me up the most, but I definitely deserved to be left, and looking back, I'm surprised she stayed as long as she did.

St. John's Wort

>>18153482

cont.

It’ll be a year since the day she said goodbye tomorrow, I still almost can’t believe it. It hurts now even more than it did then. The few people that I didn’t push away and that are still in my life have said all the clichés; time heals all wounds, things will get better, there’s a million other fish in the sea, but the reality of the situation is that life is only what we make of it, things only get better if we make them better ourselves and to make them better we first have to want to make them better. As much as I try, the depression and the sheer feeling of hopelessness caused by the regrets of throwing away the best thing that has ever happened to me and wasting the last 4 years of my life are just too much to bear. I’ve done this to myself and I got what I deserved. When I look at my life now I just see myself as a lonely, miserable loser who's 24 and now because of my doing, I have absolutely nothing to show for it other than heartbreak and regret. I could have long finished my degree by now which now won’t be finished until I’m almost 27, I could have saved tens of thousands of dollars that I elsewise spent on the relationship. I could be happy… I could, pretty much sums it up.

Symptoms pretty much similar to this guy >>18153104

Also anxiety, mild anger, a sinking feeling in my stomach whenever something triggers a thought (which is not helped by the fact I have an incredible memory). I just generally feel hopeless, but that’s depression for you.

Anyway rambled on way too long. I guess the morale of it is if you throw away what little of a life you have for something or someone, make sure you commit to it 100% or you’ll end up a depressed, miserable cunt like me when it doesn’t work out and you’re left with nothing.

tl;dr. a girl

>>18153484
Is it good against depression?

Chemical. I think from what the therapist and psych. Told me.

If I remember correctly it started around age 12. I'm 18 now, been dealing with it since then. I was somewhat normal growing up until I joined the military expecting to get killed. Came back alive but with ptsd. So Yay!

As for what has helped? Therapy got me to feel again, I was apathetic for about 3 years, a shut in for about 2. Took me 6 months to walk outside to my mailbox again.

I lost my gf of 10 years recently, not sure what to make of it aside from the massive amounts of pain and stress losing her has cost me. Pretty much figured out why I acted that way, and I take solace in the experience it has gotten me. I rather do without the pain mind you.

Family time with my brother has helped. Doing my best to savor my victories, regardless of how small and rare they may be.

Life is tough, I must rather be dead, but a good number of people would be hurt if I were to get the courage to off myself. Or the cowardice to quit life. Fuck knows.

These days, I'm not sure what keeps me going. I just keep waking up in my bed with a sigh, dreaming of the day I don't.

>>18153517
>18
28* fucking phones. I wish I was 18, God ten years to fix shit would be amazing.

>>18153517
>I'm 18 now
>gf of 10 years

oh shit nigger what are you doing

Cause: I was abused as a kid and had a shitty GF who subtly destroyed my self-esteem while my parents were getting divorced
What has helped: Working towards something and achieving.

I don't really care about either of those things anymore but if I don't work towards something I feel like shit.

>>18153518

I think most people with depression wish they could go back and fix the cause, or stop whatever caused it ever happening. Would be amazing indeed, I often lie in bed at night just wishing it...alas, pipedream.

>>18153229
I'm 99.9% certain I'm the chemical imbalance type, and it's like all emotions are greatly reduced in intensity. Instead of joy, you feel brief contentment, and sadness is usually replaced by discomfort, anxiety, or frustration. Depending on how well you take care of your body, you can avoid the negative ones consistently, but happiness is fleeting and rarely leaves a lasting impact on your mood.