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What would /adv/ do? WWADVD? 2017-03-22 07:12:27 Post No. 18150348
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What would /adv/ do? WWADVD? 2017-03-22 07:12:27 Post No. 18150348
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I'll try to be as concise as possible.
>Get a divorce (finalized 1/13/16)
>few months later started dating a girl via a mutual friend
>things were GREAT (had a good time, laughed a lot, sex was best I've ever had etc)
>She is wicked reserved so a little hard for me to read, but she seemed to have a really good time (just different from what I'm used to after a 7 year relationship)
>middle middle middle
>her sister ended up passing 3 months into us dating (sister is 35, gf is 25)
>she more or less shuts down and decided not to deal with it
>Things were different, but she was either good as putting on a face or legitimately force it to the back of her mind, but something was noticeably different.
>holidays come around
>She fucking looses it.
>We don't see each other for 2 months, still text and talk, but she's always not feeling a date or company at home.
>Calls me up mid Dec and says "she just can't do it" anymore.
>Can't deal with her sister and feel like a shitty gf anymore (bc we don't hang out) (Didn't really bother me, I was understanding and I told her that, she still felt shitty)
>We break up
>Long story short, tell her we can't be friends unless the possibility of us getting back together is in the cards, my feelings don't stop on a dime and I *will* fixate on her even if I'm dating someone else if she's in my life. It's happened before
>Says she is too fucked up to know how she feels but says she comfortable with me seeking romance with her if we can stay in contact.
Fast forward to today
>We go to lunch, first time hanging out since probably Oct or Nov.
>Had a really good time, no lulls in the convo, we both were laughing etc etc.
I'm honestly getting to the point where I'm about to break, but I honestly don't know what that means. I want to move on but I can't without closure with this girl. I fixated on another girl for 10 years, through a marriage, and I wont do something like that again.
pt1
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>>18150348
Part 2
Basically I don't want to tell her that it's now or never because I just know she's not ready yet, but I'm going crazy trying to get out of this limbo.
What would /adv/ do? Do I try to move things along for my own sake knowing I'm probably rushing it and will more than likely chasing her off, or do I suffer through it in hopes she clears her head in the foreseeable future?
FWIW, I'm not making the claim she's the one, I'm too jaded for that shit, but dammit it felt different than anything else I've ever felt and it was going really well.
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>>18150348
>awaiting pt2
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>>18150348
>Part 1
and minimized.
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>>18150357
Tell her how you feel and let her decide
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>>18150357
Ah.
I'm kind of going through the same thing.
I would say stop putting so much weight on intent and the future.
If you had a good lunch - enjoy it for what it was.
If you intend on being with her - make it clear that you want to re-kindle the romance and ask her on a real date.
If she doesn't want to go on a real date or clearly doesn't want the relationship again - move on. You can't handle her as a friend so don't let her keep you as one.
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>>18150348
>>18150357
here's some advice on condensing stories
>dating girl
>her sister dies
>She melts down and says she cant see me anymore
>we break up
>we hang out today (first time since november)
>it was great
I want to get back together but worry that pushing the issue now will ruin my chances of it ever happening, but i'm feeling really frustrated just waiting and hoping.
what do?
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>>18150373
Well done.
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>>18150386
try reposting and you'll probably get better responses desu
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>>18150391
I'm not OP but I'm about to post a long complicated story that I'll need to follow this format with.
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>>18150373
I know I could have made it a hell of a lot shorter, but I felt there was important info to be included, maybe not though.
>>18150365
From what I can gather, and maybe my next step should be just making this clear, she would like to date again, but she just feels she too messed up to be fair to me.
She's one of those people that will totally martyr herself for the greater perceived good. If she feels she will take too long, she'll tell me she's not interested just to make me move on so she wont feel like she making me wait. So I could be chasing off a damn good chance if I push too soon.
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>>18150406
Orrrrrr - you could be keeping yourself in limbo forever waiting.
Even if she's messed up - she will know if she wants to be with you not.
The alternative is what - wait around forever until she's fixed? Not likely.
You'be known each other for a while. That want your first date - so I would suggest asking if she would be interested in being something official with you and gauge her interest.
Can't wait forever man - I know it sucks.
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>>18150425
God dammit, I know you're fucking right man, I need to do something. I can't sit here forever. I'm just honestly scared to death of chasing off something that has a damn good change of being a great thing for myself and her.
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>>18150445
you will be happy or miserable in your future for reasons that have nothing to do with this relationship. there is no 'right' answer really.
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>>18150445
I know man. But you are a person too and deserve to be happy and have a healthy relationship.
I hope for your sake it's with her - but it's best that you find out for sure and then you can make your next move.
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