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Is he bullshitting me or not?

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So I'm in my first year at university, 19 years old, and I have this guy in my group with whom I've gotten along pretty well up to this point. I figured there was some attraction between us, but it was weird that he never acted on it, given that he's usually a forward person, so I chose to be the one forward in this.

When I asked him out on a date, he said he was flattered, but declined as he wasn't interested in dating anyone at the time. But it was weird, I could see he was clearly glad to spend time with me and didn't shy away from being hugged or kissed (on the cheek) when we greeted each other and once or twice it was kind of obvious he got a boner from it. I figured I could tell him a FWB kind of thing was fine with me, but he declined that as well. I finally decided to ask him what was his reason for this.

Turns out, his folks are kind of racist. He doesn't really give a damn that I'm race-mixed myself and he does find me attractive, but involving himself with me, while he's still dependent on his parents financial support, would be just asking for trouble. He told me if somewhere down the line when he does eventually have his own place and means of supporting himself, I'm still interested in him, that I could ask him again.

I don't know what to feel about this. At the same time, I can understand his caution if his parents would cause him trouble for dating someone outside of their race, but on the other, it's not like I asked him to take me to his home and introduce me to his parents. We're only 19, it's not like we'd get engaged or anything.

In any case, I don't intend to hang around and wait for him, but if he does indeed somewhere down the line do all that and move out, do you think I should give him another shot or should I just forget about it?
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>>18146708

What's your mixed race?
>>
>>18146711

Dad's French, mom's Korean.
>>
take not chaps
female mind at work

what do we have here
>a simple no for an ask out

then the rest if her trying to paint the guy good

sunshine
if he really wants to spend time with you
he would have asked you out
he would meet you more often
he wouldnt give a damn about parents, even if he does hed find a way to get closer to you

we do stuff for women we want
i suggest going for guys who show such interest in you
>>
>>18146724

Why would he say he found me attractive then? Why would he say he'd date me if not for the circumstances with his parents? I don't understand why he'd bullshit me with something like this, and then give me a glimmer of hope at the end of it. It's not like I'm some big drama queen who'd stir up shit for being rejected.
>>
>>18146729
The same reason women say shit like this to dudes, to let you down softly. He's hoping you'll take a hint and move on, because he's smart enough to realize a year from now you'll have found another guy (maybe, but that's not his problem). That also doesn't mean he can't be telling the truth when he says he finds you attractive, but that's not what all dudes date on.
>>
>>18146834

>to let you down softly

Again, it's not like I would have been offended if he rejected me outright.
>>
>>18147028
He can't read your mind and know that. He feels better letting you down easy, so he does.
>>
>>18146708
Some parents can be violent and/or hold financials over someone's head

Why second-guess his explanation?
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>>18147037

I guess it's just weird that his parents are that racist, but he doesn't even give a fuck.
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>>18147043
I'm honestly surprised this is your first exposure to outright racism

I'm half-jewish so I grew up in an accepting family but when I got to college I was exposed to a lot of racism from a lot of different groups. My roommate was attacked by his girlfriend's brother for being the wrong race.

It's sad but it happens, sounds like he's aware that it's bullshit and is doing his best to become independent so he doesn't have to deal with his parents controlling him anymore.
>>
>>18146724
Speak for yourself. There are men whose top priority is not getting into woman's panties. If he feels fine being just friends with her and is heavily dependent on his racist parents he might think with his brain instead of dick and decide to not engage in any relationship. It's a perfectly reasonable response if you're not a fucking horny ape.
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>>18147047

It's not really my first time coming across racism, but I've never had something like this pop up in my life, so it's new to me in that way. If you don't mind me asking, what was the issue the girlfriend's brother had with your roommate? I mean, specifically. Was he mixed as well?
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>>18146708

if somehow after 4 years you guys are still in each others lives, both single, and hes independent, and you happen to get feelings for each other, sure.

but do you REALLY need to be thinking this far ahead on a guy you just have ab it of a crush on?
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>>18147476
IIRC his girlfriend was Indian and he was Pakistani

He wasn't Indian and he wasn't an arranged relationship so her father and brother got pissed.
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>>18147545

Oh wow, I heard about some fucked up situation where something like that happened. I hope nothing of the sort went on with your roommate and his girlfriend.
>>
>>18147549
My roommate was a certified badass so the "attack" didn't really hurt him much. They were spooked for a bit, I think he ended up getting a concealed carry license, but it didn't end their relationship and I don't think there were any other incidents.

Just a very strange situation to someone coming from a more "progressive" household.
>>
>pressure someone into admitting that they actually like you but they dont want trouble with their parents
>still doubt him
I believe he's being honest. Seems to me that is the only explanation since the situation is pretty humiliating and there's no reason to make this up if he was lying.

Also
>we're just 19
You never know where relationships go, so I think he's a good fella for not letting you in and then having even bigger problems.
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>>18146708

Honestly I think its very fair of him

Being a student with your finances being held over your head is a horrible experience, he's just being sensible and stopping anyone from getting hurt

It does suck, for both of you, but at least hes being sensible about it
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>>18146708
He's a nice person who cares and worries about his future, doesn't wants you to get in trouble, and he respects himself enough to not get himself into trouble, also, are you a male or a female? you should move on, enjoy your life and reach him or someone like him once you feel like settling down
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>>18146708
Honestly I think he's gay
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>>18147057
>There are men whose top priority is not getting into woman's panties

That's why the guy you're replying to said:

>we do stuff for women we want
You dummy.
>>
>>18146712
are you a qt trap?
>>
>>18146708
Heyyyy so

You should just pass for now.
Somehow, you have a trust issue before there is even a relationship...

What has he done to deserve distrust?
If nothing then why is he under suspicion?

Further on down this questioning will result in your personal issues being the roadblock to dating the person. All i'm saying is you should explore this and your situation with an open mind.
>>
>>18146708
I personally never get romantically involved with anyone that I wouldn't feel comfortable bringing home to mom and dad.
I don't really do casual things, and from what you described it sounds like he is not interested in that either.

I avoid getting romantically involved wth people who have tattoos, piercings, come off as rude or disrespectful to authority, are too old/young, etc.
Basically anything that I think they might dislike for whatever reason.

And to be totally honest, I'm sure there are some races that my parents would atleast comment on if I brought home. A black dude asked me to prom one time and my parents were making jokes about it for weeks. That was definelty racist of them but they didn't like limit me or threaten to cut me off financially or anything, they just poked fun at me about it when they really shouldn't have even mentioned it.

If I were you I'd just forget about him because eventually down the line if he becomes financially independent, you hook up, and end up catching real feelings and getting engaged, then you have to deal with his racist family which is a huge burden for you and your future children.
>>
>>18146712
>bit of a nasty shock when he found out.
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>>18146708
He got a boner from kissing you on the cheek?
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>>18147557

At least it didn't escalate.

>>18148819
>>18148843
>>18149439

Yeah, I think I'll just back away to how we were before. If something does happen in the near future to change his situation, we can give it a shot then if I still feel the same.

>>18149374

No. Why would you even think that?

>>18149619

What?

>>18149717

No, I think he got it from me pressing my breasts against him when I hugged him for prolonged time. Hey, all's fair in love and war.
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>>18149520

What kind jokes did your parents make when a black guy asked you to prom?
Thread posts: 29
Thread images: 1


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