The last semester i studied in a new city away from my parents to become more independent and get some fire under the ass to develop myself. But that didnt work at all because i still had my safe space in my room and my computer. Also i barely attended university. So there went 6 months of my life wasted. I numbed myself with binge watching stuff and playing, and its only now i realize how bad i feel, how depressed, how helpless and angry with myself.
I realized im not interested in the subject i study at all. Each time i try to study, there is that immense barrier consisting of dumb, uninteresting matter combined with a huge mass of it, because i would have to relearn one semester of matter. So theres no motiviation apart from being ashamed of myself. Also, i dont want to study anymore at all, so id never finish the degree anyways.
The question is, whether i move back to my parents place now or stay for another semester, after which i would study something according to my interest at my parents place. It sounds unreasonable, but im ashamed, and i dont know what to do at my parents house, id just wait and suffer. If i stay here its kind of like escaping the shame. The shame about failing and also clearly not developing any character or independence.
So if i would stay for another semester, maybe i would, very maybe, find some interest in the matter and some momentum to find friends and do things normal people do, and would come back to my parents place a semester later with positive energy and a will to crush it in the new class...
I dont know... my apartements rent is over in 2 weeks and i need to decide whether i stay here and find a new place, or move back to my parents. What do you suggest?
Im kind of depressed and for one year after school finished, i was at my parents house and did nothing. One year of doing nothing... now im here in the new city doing nothing.
bhumph
Hey dude, I had the literally exact experience like you and I could share it with you if you want. I'll type it all out but it'll be long, so this is kind of a bump so the thread doesn't dissapear as I type it all out, OK?
Doing nothing is doing something. Unhappiness is your minds way of telling you that you made the wrong choice. Do something, and if you are still unhappy, then do something different. Since you cannot change the past, don't dwell on it. Do learn from it and use that lesson to guide your future choices.