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My girlfriend wants to have group sex. and I don't. I understand

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My girlfriend wants to have group sex. and I don't.

I understand it as a fetish, and I can appreciate the idea in my head or how hot it is in porn. Everyone I talk to says its a bad Idea, and you'll ruin friendships or ruin relationships.

I guess I put alot of emotional meaning into sex(had two casual sexual encounters and just felt gross afterwards). and She says its not a big deal, its just something nice you could do with friends.

We're going to relationship counseling, because we take our relationship seriously, but she told me she can't imagine having sex with just one person the rest of her life. Which, you know, feels bad...

inb4 shes gonna cheat on me just dump her xddd.

I'm aware thats a possibility, and if it happens its over. but I'd like to do something about this. And I have no idea what to do. She just doesn't get why I find sex emotionally connecting or important.
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>>18108699
If you've already had a long discussion about it, thats pretty much all you can do. If you dont want to break up with her but dont want to do the group sex thing, just tell her no and hope she's not a scumbag and doesn't get railed by 30 dif dudes behind your back anyways I suppose. Unless you can legitimately change the way she sees sex, though, she might end up resenting you and cheat on you or at least break up with you.
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>>18108699
Been there. You can't let other people impose their sexual values on you.

End of the day, it sounds like this isn't something you're comfortable with and something that she is pretty adamant about. You sound like a one-woman type of guy. Nothing wrong with that. You need to be honest with yourself and with her and let her know that that's not really your thing and that, if she really feel strongly about it, that it's just not a need of her you'll be able to accommodate and see what she says.

tl;dr Fuck that. Let her explore her open relationship/poly bullshit with someone else.
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>>18108699
>She just doesn't get why I find sex emotionally connecting or important.

That's because she's an entitled, hedonistic, narcissistic slut.

I don't have anything against people that want to sleep around, do whatever you like. The line gets drawn, however, when there's a social contract between you and your partner.

It's not that she CAN'T understand, she DOESN'T WANT TO. Even if something isn't important to me, the fact that it's very important to my fiance means that it becomes something that I take seriously because my fiance is important to me and I try to walk through her shoes and understand where she's coming from.
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>>18108711
>>18108716
>>18108733
Thanks guys..

We do have therapy together soon, hopefully something will come of it. My self esteem has just taken a hit I guess and Thats why I'm here. blah.

She doesn't seem to have any feeling of shame or anything. I mean thats nice between us in the bedroom, but i feel its spreading elsewhere and it feels bad
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>>18108699

its okay for her to feel the way she does. its okay to feel the way you do. you are young sounding so this relationship probably isnt going to lsat.

so enjoy whatever you can from it. if you dont like the idea of group sex then dont do it, but its okay if you guys break up beuase of that.
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>>18108699
MFF only, she picks the other woman and during sex you focus on your gf and slightly neglect the third wheel.

That is literally the only way it won't end your relationship.
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>>18109168
You can't even guarantee that, it could end up she finds out she likes women more, that's happened to a few of my friends
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Quite a few of my friends are absolutely rabid SJW types. Amongst at least three couples I know they have declared 'open' relationships. From what I can see though, they are all actually one person guys/girls, but because the idea of dismantling the patriarchy through the dissolution of traditional monogamous relationships based on ownership and control is something they strongly believe in they believe all relationships should be 'open'.

So nobody is fucking anybody else. But they are free to do so if they choose to do so. Because portraying themselves as having exceptionally liberal values is what is important to them. If you asked them questions like "I believe in until death do us part" or "You can only love one person at a time with honesty" they would strongly disagree out of principle. But putting that into action seems more of a nice idea to have just in case rather than something to actually get on with.

I mean, in principle group sex would be a nice thing to do amongst friends. If you've a fetish for group sex and you love the idea of all of you just losing your inhibitions and stripping off and climbing around on top of each other then yeah it sounds great.

You might find that this whole thing was a simple 'what if' conversation and she likes the idea of group sex and people being inhibited and sexually adventurous and capable of having sex in an environment without judgement or shame, but the whole thing might simply be an intellectual exercise which she has no ambition to bring into reality.

Oh and as far as I've seen ANY of my friends in 'open' relationships go is discuss people they find attractive when drunk together in a way which seems more like dirty talk to try and turn each other on that results in them having sex. Like "imagine what we could do to her, oh wow we need to go home and have sex right now".
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>>18108699
Perhaps it would be beneficial for her if you have her one pass. Tell her "go, have this sexual escapade", go crash at a buddies house for a couple days, cut off all contact with her during this time. When you come back to her, ask her how she feels about it. If her answer is still that she doesn't care and that she'll do it again and again, then I'd break it off right there. I'm sure this would be very hard to do, I don't imagine you'll do this. Mind you I've never been in a relationship so I can't say how hard it feels to knowingly let the person you love and are loyal to, go have sex with other people, but I can imagine. However I think this can be a very eye opening solution for both of you. Perhaps she'll see the emptiness in it and apologize learn by it, and maybe if you have enough heart can forgive the one time. Or you'll discover she's heartless to how you feel and you'll know at that point she's worth leaving. The only other alternative I see fit is just sticking to your guns, say no till the cows come home and leave her if she continues to be stuck in her ways. Good luck with the counseling, I hope all turns out in your favour. Clearly this girl is worth fighting for.
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Never do group sex while in a relationship. It's a guaranteed way to ruin it.
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>>18109995
>Perhaps it would be beneficial for her if you have her one pass. Tell her "go, have this sexual escapade", go crash at a buddies house for a couple days, cut off all contact with her during this time. When you come back to her, ask her how she feels about it.

Don't do this. This is cuck shit.

Relationships are about boundaries. You set yours by saying you aren't comfortable about group sex. She is still pushing the topic. If you agree she'll know your boundaries are meaningless.

Tbh if I was asked about group sex and open relationship, I would immediately end things. Cut my loses.
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You know how people bring up "irreconcilable differences" when it comes to divorces? This is an irreconcilable difference. Spare both of you the resentment and fighting and just break up now.
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>>18109995
>go crash at a buddies house for a couple days, cut off all contact with her during this time.
Lmao. May seems smart from the outside and when you don't know what being in a relationship feels like. When your gf steps over your boundaries with other men a little part of your soul dies. The bigger the step the bigger the part that dies
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>>18108699
I'm not sure how you can say you're serious about a relationship if she just straight up said you're not enough for her.
Then she makes YOU feel like shit for not respecting your relationship?
I'm not going to tell you what to do, but you should be able to see whats up here.
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>>18108750
Why should your self-esteem take a hit? People are allowed to like what they like. That isn't a reflection of you. It would be very unusual if you and *any* partner had the exact same tastes.
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