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How do I stop being jealous of my girlfriends past

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How do I stop being jealous of my girlfriends past
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>>18108199
1. Her past made her who she is today. She might be a lot less interesting/mature/fun without it.

2. She's with you, which makes you the winner and those other guys the losers.
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Shes not yours
Its just your turn
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>>18108205
>2. She's with you, which makes you the winner and those other guys the losers.


The truth is she's with me because none of those other guys wanted anything more with her.
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>>18108213
Do you see why?

If so, that's a bigger problem than her not being a blank page.

If not, then it's pretty shitty to think less of your girlfriend because random other guys didn't want to date her anymore.

If your issue is that you're afraid she's settling for you, you should find that confirmation within the relationship. Is the sex good, is she affectionate? Does she make you feel valued and loved? If not, again, that's a bigger issue than her having a past.
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>>18108233
Not really man. Here's my situation. She claims before she met me she was a completely different person. She was into smoking dope, partying and hooking up (it's not even that many guys but for her age it bothers) and in general just being that bitch girl who you pass around in school. Hell, when I first met her I didn't even see her as GF material and planned on just being FWB at best with her.

Now she's a completely different person and I see that. I never knew the 'old' her but she's a good person and a good girlfriend to me. She doesn't do any drugs, she tells me everything, she buys me shit all the time, she fucks me on command whenever I want however many times a day, she shows me affection and very clearly has serious feelings for me. So I don't see why anyone wouldn't want her because she's basically the perfect girlfriend to me and she has an incredible body and a pretty face. She definitely makes me feel loved and valued and the sex is good. I can do whatever I want with her and all of my weird perversions.

I never believed her that she truly changed because just a mere 2 weeks before me she hooked up with two different guys and was doing dope. One of those guys she tried to BF her up but he didn't want anything more with her. I genuinely wonder why. Another one was a past hookup. How can you possibly believe someones changed their life style so quickly? I feel like she's merely adapted to me rather than change and she would go back to whatever it is she was doing before me if I we split.


My issue is I just feel jealous. I feel jealous that she's been with other dudes and I feel like I'm dating used goods. Like the retard who settles down with the town bike. And again, it's not even that many dudes. 5 dudes at 18... I wonder why no one else wanted her or anything. And we've been dating for a little over a year btw and it's been bothering me ever since I caught feelings for her.
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>>18108258
I know it's hard, this is the reason why I never really ask about previous relationships when I'm dating. The fact is that the majority of girls have taken a ride on the cock carousel.

That being said, it could be worse than 5 guys at 18. I have known girls at that age with double or triple the number. It's not uncommon.

She probably really likes you because you're older. You're more mature than the guys she is used to. A woman will follow and change themselves for a strong man. It's likely a genuine change. How many times when you were a teenager did you do shit you regret when you looked back on it? The peak of maturity doesn't happen until the mid 20's.
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>>18108258
Okay let me address a couple of things.

>I wonder why no one else wanted her or anything
You realize some of those guys were probably trying to live a cleaner life themselves? Two drug loving people getting together is a fucking trainwreck most of the time. It's hard enough to have friends who use when you're trying to quit or even just regulate your own dependency. And yeah, no doubt some of them saw her as just a partyslut who they would never trust or value enough to get together with, as well. But does that opinion of some dude who fucked her while out of his mind on drugs say more about her than what you know about who she is?

>I feel like she's merely adapted to me rather than change and she would go back to whatever it is she was doing before me if I we split.
Well, it sounds like she did a 180 and that doesn't really seem like the kind of thing you do the way you might get into a hobby because your new fling enjoys it. On top of that she's eighteen and most people are fully figuring out who they are at that age and switching from one phase to another more dramatically than they do when older. But it is quite weird to me that you don't know any context to this. It's obviously a very dramatic episode in her life that wasn't all that long ago. What does she have to say about this? I would primarily care about whether or not she can explain to you what caused her to change. If something that important switched and she can't offer what changed, that's a red flag to me.

>and I feel like I'm dating used goods.
Then you have to break up with her, period. She cannot clean up her past and will never be able to. If you resent her for something she cannot change you ideally never should have dated her and the next best thing is to break up with her now.

>Like the retard who settles down with the town bike.
I don't blame you for feeling this way. Everyone is entitled to their preferences and it's not like you have full control over that.
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>>18108275
Also in response to >>18108274, for the record, girls who are more conservative and consciously keep their number down do exist. And (potentially more important) girls who have fucked around a bit but have never been that partygirl who sleeps with whoever gives her a fix are the overwhelming majority.

BUT for the record I do want to add that what you have with her - a woman who is strikingly attractive, devoted, affectionate, highly sexual and emotionally invested in them - is something a lot of men are after their entire life and don't ever actually manage to have. Not to mention if she's also smart and sweet.

But very likely you just can't see it now because you are too insecure, too young, whatever, and breaking up is the only thing left to do. It's not really fair on her (whether she realizes this or not) to continue dating her while she loves you and has no idea that you look down on her behind her back.
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>>18108210
RE
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>>18108274
She did like me because I was older, more mature and more independent than all the other guys she was with before.

>>18108275
>>18108286
All she did was dope and shrooms once. Nothing crazy like heroin or coke. I always told myself I would never date anyone who did even so much as weed. You are right man, that opinion doesn't matter but it makes me so jealous. It makes me jealous that she hooked up with some of those guys so quickly and did stuff with them basically the same day but waited a little longer to do things with me. I feel like she was more attracted or valued them more ( one of them was a rich guy who she says she was really into him ). She told me the reason for this was because she wanted to see if I wanted to have something real with her or not. I don't get it because in the beginning she told me she didn't want a relationship either... Am I just overthinking things or what man? She's not smart at all so I don't think she knew what she wanted or how to say it. Also, thanks for the advice in advance guys. You're really making me see things from a whole other angle.


She really did seem to do a 180. She did tell me it was a depressing phase in her life that she doesn't want to remember. She told me I caused her to change and herself because I guess she just took on my ideas of what is wrong or right.
She's a very religious girl. That's the weird thing. Her parents sent her to a Christian private school High School freshman year. Probably because they found out she lost her virginity in the 8th grade and thought a Christian school would be full of saints. She's everything you just listed there except smart and sweet. Not smart at all and she CAN be sweet but she's sassy and feisty ( almost bitch like). I don't like it too much and I've told her to calm it down which she has been doing.
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>>18108286
>ontinue dating her while she loves you and has no idea that you look down on her behind her back.
And she does know I look down on her past. She knows I hate it. I've talked to her about it a couple times.
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>>18108334
Jesus, this is embarrassing, actually not a native in English and I thought right up until now that dope was another name for crack. Shit. Forget about that, then, that's just regular high school stuff.

>It makes me jealous that she hooked up with some of those guys so quickly and did stuff with them basically the same day but waited a little longer to do things with me.
The thing is... would you have liked it if she jumped on you right away? Or would you have thought of her as a cheap whore? Guys tend to not like it when girls don't put out quickly enough for them, but they also don't like to date girls who put out quickly, so that's a difficult situation.
I see that it's not nice to compare it like that but realize that a drunken hook up is completely different from being intimate with someone you have actual feelings for. It's a possibility that she was afraid to sleep with you and feed her budding feelings, only to realize it didn't go anywhere. She probably didn't feel so desirable either right after being turned down.

>She's a very religious girl. That's the weird thing.
That's not weird but quite typical. She had a strict upbringing and when she first tasted freedom she went overboard as a result.

I'm telling you this just to give my perspective but I'm not trying to sound like I think you should stay with her. You are (assuming you're not ten years older than her or something) so young that most likely this relationship won't last anyway and I think this is a lot to overcome. If you do want to continue dating her you have to shut the thoughts about her past down. You can't have your cake and eat it, too, if you want to date her then indulging your insecurities about this is detrimental to your own relationship and well-being. So either decide that you cannot live with it or decide that you want to learn to live with it, and in case of the second distract yourself and shut yourself down when you start fretting over these things.
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>>18108355
Does she know you think of her as the town bike and yourself as an idiot for "settling" for her?
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>>18108368
No, I wouldn't have. I'm aware that every guy wants a girl to fuck on the first date but than he doesn't because it's slutty but it just made me jealous that she did for others and not for me. She wasn't drunk but more like high. And yeah, I think it's was what you said too. She always told me she wanted to wait to have sex but she would always talk to me about sex.. I didn't get that at all when we first met.


I do want to continue dating her but how do I shut down these jealous feelings? It's eating me away and I'm assuming that it's just my insecurity.


>>18108370
Yes, I was a bit of an asshole and told her that once but not in that way.
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>>18108415
There is no magical way to just not think about it anymore, but what typically happens is something like mental "picking". Basically you feel anxious/irritated over this and then you start indulging yourself. Picturing stuff, verbalizing it to yourself, thinking of more and more stuff she probably did or reasons to feel embarrassed that your girlfriend did this, you picture her ex-hook ups laughing about you dating her, etc etc.

The first step is to try to treat that like an addiction and not give in to the urge to feed those voices. It doesn't matter whether you tell yourself good stuff about her to drown it out, or that you have to get over this before she leaves you for someone who will accept her, or that you are shooting yourself in the foot by investing in negativity when it damages a relationship you want to be in... or just all around try to think of something else entirely. But you have to stop yourself. All the time. Actively make yourself acknowledge all the sweet things she does for you and everything you like about her. When she undresses, tell yourself "that's my girl, no one else gets to touch her". Things like that.

That's really all you can do, the rest will have to come from the passing of time, if you do get over it some day. Good luck.
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>>18108431
Thanks man, you've been a big help in making me see things from a different angle and perspectives. I appreciate that.
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>>18108434
No problem, I hope you find a way for things to work out!
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>>18108210
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>>18108199
1. Develop a past of your own
2. Date someone without a past
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>>18108431
>But you have to stop yourself. All the time. Actively make yourself acknowledge all the sweet things she does for you and everything you like about her. When she undresses, tell yourself "that's my girl, no one else gets to touch her". Things like that.

So denial? Not trying to be an ass, but it seems like that's basically what this boils down to; sweeping it under a mental rug because if you look it in the face it's going to bother you.
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>>18108471
I have no past

I've only been with her and no one else
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>>18108258
my gf had fucked 30 guys at 18. she was pretty depressed and slept around for confirmation and stuff. I stopped thinking about it after about a week, we've been together for a couple months now and it's going gr8
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