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Why the fuck am I so gay? I've acknowledged that the gay

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Why the fuck am I so gay?

I've acknowledged that the gay lifestyle is extremely unhealthy, and that gay sex is unhealthy for both parties involved--even between two consenting adults who fully trust eachother. I know that on a biological and spiritual level, taking dick up the butt fucks you up badly.

But in spite of that, I have no desire to be with a woman and I have every desire to mimick the behavior of one. I enjoy looking up to men and serving them, I like how it feels to be held and protected by someone so much stronger than me, and I value health, honesty, and respect in a relationship. In addition to that, I feel no sexual satisfaction from stimulating my cock, while I feel great sexual satisfaction from taking it up the butt at the cost of losing all of my energy and wanting to cuddle/sleep afterword, and a pretty good amount of satisfaction simply from performing fellatio on a man without the cost of losing energy. How the fuck did I get to this point in life? I was born a male, wasn't the point of me being born a male so that I would be a man? I don't know why would I deny what nature and whatever higher power exists provided for me, but for some reason, I do.
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Include me in screenshot
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>>18106494
Just stick to oral then.
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>>18106505
While it is true that oral isn't all that unhealthy if the cock is clean and I don't attempt to deepthroat, I often get so heated during the act that I let my mouth get brutalized, which usually leads to negative health effects afterwards. Swelling of the tonsils, throat, etc all usually occur after I perform oral. Do I just have to learn to discipline myself? It doesn't help that I am masochistic in bed.
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>>18106494
I'm in the same boat. Maybe we're not meant to have kids, maybe my son would be the next Hitler or something. For whatever reason, this is the path that "nature and whatever higher power exists" has chosen for you, so don't hate yourself too much over it.

And you don't actually have to take part in the "gay lifestyle" if you don't like it, if you're talking about clubs and hookup apps and Lady Gaga concerts and shit like that. I don't like that shit either, most of us don't
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>>18106515
I feel like I'm supposed to take accountability for why I'm gay, though. Sure, it wasn't really my choice to be attracted to men, but I feel like there was something that I did to cause this and maybe if I find it I'll be able to stop this curse. Deep down I know it's my own doing, but it's like my Ego has too major of an influence to let me accept the truth. I shouldn't victimize myself and paint my "ego" as something I can't control, either, but it just feels that way.

I've always wanted to be healthy and happy, but when I look at my experience with making "gay" choices, I've only subjected myself to abuse.
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Did you know that homosexual behavior is actually very common in the animal kingdom? If it occurs in nature, then it must be natural. There are even cases where it is BETTER for there to be homosexual behavior than not.
And if you believe in a higher power, and/or the Bible, think of it like this. If humans were the only ones given a choice between sinning and not, then god must have created all animals to behave exactly as he willed it. And if there is homosexual behavior in those animals that were made that way, then surely it was deliberate.

If you want to look at the numbers instead of the religion, there is proof there, too. People talk about how having babies is the only way to spread your genes, but they are only considering what is called "direct fitness". But there are other ways to ensure the survival of your genes. If you ensure the survival of your siblings and their kids, then you spread your genes through indirect fitness. This is why bees do that they do. It is better for them to ensure the survival of their siblings than to breed themselves. And studies show that it is beneficial to a child to have a non-breeding relative, because that's another adult who is providing for them. Homosexual people show more altruistic behavior to their nieces and nephews because they do not breed themselves.

Swans also show extensive homosexual behavior, and it's great for everybody involved. A male mates with a female, the female lays an egg. The female is then driven off and the male raises the chick with a male partner. The female gets a break from raising kids and is healthier for it, the chick gets two dad's who are bigger and stronger and hold a larger territory and thus get more food. Everybody wins.

You're natural and your behavior is natural. It's demonized by some people, and that really sucks. But if you're a good person who does good things, then it shouldn't matter. Who the fuck cares who you bang? A good person is a good person.
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>>18106533
>when I look at my experience with making "gay" choices, I've only subjected myself to abuse
Are you "out" with your family/close friends, though? Because when you're carrying on all your relationships in secret, you don't really have many options other than casual, meaningless sex.

And if you believe that you're "wrong" or "bad" in your very nature, it's easy to tell yourself that it doesn't really matter if your actions are also "wrong" or "bad." Or maybe even that you deserve to be punished by bad experiences.

Just accept that you can't change the gay thing, and start holding your actions/choices to a higher standard. Don't just wallow in filth because you believe you're filth, you don't have to be. There are a lot of problems in the gay community, but I can tell you from observation and experience that it's also possible to have a loving, healthy gay relationship.
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>>18106494
Were you abused/bullied/traumatized in some way when you were a child?
In all honesty, I think homosexuality is a reaction and not a root you're born with.
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>>18106566
Yes, when I was 12, there was "something" that happened to me that I can't exactly explain, I don't have a clear memory on what happened at all, and nobody witnessed it, but ever since that event occurred I started finding myself more attracted to men. When I told my parents this, they got extremely mad, my father stating that "If I ever catch you in bed with another man, I'll take you to a field, shoot you, then shoot myself, and beat the shit out of you in hell." That particularly spooked me, but also feel like me telling my parents that I was into men made me create this "rape" scenario in my head to justify me being gay.

I have to go for a couple hours, so I can't respond to >>18106557 until then, I'll come back if the thread isn't dead by then.
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hey, sounds like you're probably a girl? i'd recommend maybe reading some transgirl lit like nevada, going to a sexual therapist, there's probably a cheap affordable one connected to lgbtq clubs or orgs in your area. treat yrself good x
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>>18106543
I thought that our ability to resist instinct is a large part of what makes us human. Exercise your humanity and refrain from pleasures that give you shame.
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>>18106566
do u think kids who get molested by women who grow up straight might've been gay otherwise lol
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Nevermind, the thing I needed to do got taken care of for me.

>>18106590
No.

>>18106557
Yes, I am out to my close friends and family and my family, but it's kinda weird. In terms of my family, I confined in them that something happened to me but as a result, they hate the fact I'm gay. They don't like that I'm gay because of what happened to me, they can't accept me ever being in a relationship with a man because of the fact it comes from a place of me holding onto what happened to me. My close friends, on the other hand, have a hard time believing that I'm gay because I never "act" gay, or exhibit homosexual behavior.

My family cares about me dearly, so they tried to help me overcome being gay by teaching me discipline, abandonment of the ego, meditation, enjoying life for what it is, etc. Because of that, I'm a much happier person and I love being alive, but I'm still attracted to strong men.

>>18106603
This guy makes a compelling argument too.
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>>18106543
>then it must be natural
Everything is basically natural. But homosexuality isn't meant to prevail because, obviously, you cannot procreate. You can even damage/manipulate the instincts of an animal, and I therefore assume that a sum of interfering factors evoke homosexuality even in the animal kingdom.

Additionally, OP already stated that his homosexuality is a cause of trauma. So, we have that.
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>>18106626
The problem with my trauma is that I don't even know if it really happened.

The only "trauma" I remember happening was when I told my parents I liked boys, and even though they were normally loving and caring and nurturing, they responded in such a demonic way. A few years later, I only ever put together that I was raped due to my sibling trying to figure out why I was gay (which he responded bitterly when he found out I was gay too.) I think that I fabricated a memory of me being rape in order to justify that I was gay, so I could run away and place the blame on someone else. "It's not my fault that I'm gay, it wasn't me, I didn't do it, I was raped, it was my abusers fault." etc.

At the same time, though, it doesn't explain why I'm gay in the first place, especially when I was so friendly with girls as a child.
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>>18106584
Jesus Christ, that's horrible. Honestly, I'd break the contact to your parents if I were in your shoes. They didn't give a fuck that you got assaulted, but they even shamed you for that because it was a man who did it? And THEY despise a significant factor of YOUR identity. Man, they're fucking toxic and crippled your psyche by a lot, I can imagine that.

>>18106621
>My family cares about me dearly
Of course they do. Who doesn't wish a father who threatens you to fucking kill you?
>abandonment of the ego
The ego is the most precious thing you have. It's a basic principle that you come first and others second. They taught you how to be a grade A masochist, and that shit's incredibly damaging to man, because it is so emasculating.

You should seek therapy since there's a lot to solve here.
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>>18106661
I didn't tell them that I was assaulted--in fact, as stated previously, I think it's more likely that me being assaulted was a fabrication in order to justify me being gay, and my father has been deceased since I was 14. It would be such a clever lie, too, because initially I blamed him for my rape--claiming it was him, and he had no way to defend myself because he was dead.

While my mother is still alive, she's a victim of abuse and she tries her best to cope with it as well.

Also, therapy doesn't help. They put you on medication that keeps you sedated and never try to actually make you take accountability for your actions.

Also, your ego isn't precious, it's a disgusting alien-like creature that keeps you incontent with your own mortality and forces you to deny the truth at your own convenience. It's where hypocrisy and lies are born. In fact, assuming that it is 100% true that I was never raped, it's the only reason why I thought I was raped and it brought great grief to those who I confined that knowledge in.
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>>18106653
>I think that I fabricated a memory of me being rape in order to justify that I was gay, so I could run away and place the blame on someone else
I see, but there was still tremendous guilt on your shoulders for feeling/being gay. Your homosexuality can be due to a high amount of traumata, adding up as you grew up, and wiith time all got interwoven to the person you are today. Okay, that's pretty general, but layers upon layers of unprocessed memories and experiences determine a primary subconcious driven existence.

>>18106683
>Also, therapy doesn't help. They put you on medication that keeps you sedated and never try to actually make you take accountability for your actions
If your tried around different therapists and it still didn't help, why don't you try psycho-analysis then? You might get more out of this method.

>It's where hypocrisy and lies are born
It's sad that you see it that way since that's completely up to the person how he deals with himself. You crafted your own web of lies, but the environment someone grows up is also contributor of such. You don't wanna read it, but everyone lives for oneself in the end. not for another one. Even if the outcome is altruistic in nature, desire, even if it is to help others, is egoistic nonetheless. Altruism cannot exist without personal desire. The ego of man is always the origin of his deeds (actually the Id but the ego serves as a filter for the actual outcome).
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I am going to joint the convo here with my opinions

If the dude ip there is saying that homosexuality is natural in the animal kingdom, then I say go for it. The thing about the rape story and whether or not it was a figment of your imagination, I don't know. If it was, sorry to hear mate. If it wasn't, then it was probably made to cover up another traumatic experience. As for your family, if I were in your shoes, I would tell them to fuck off and go to hell. As for why you're ashamed with gay sex, it's probably because religion has been shoved down your fucking throat for years and people have preached that it is a sin. Now, I would go with the guy up there saying that if there was a god, this is how he would wanted it bro.
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If you don't like it why don't you try having sex with a woman?
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>>18106621
>they tried to help me overcome being gay by teaching me discipline, abandonment of the ego, meditation, enjoying life for what it is, etc
To me, it seems like all of those concepts are completely at odds with the goal of trying to subvert/deny your natural tendencies. What could be more egotistical than trying to mold your child into your own image of "perfection?"

Look man - it's not like straight people are perfect either. It's not like we all carry on perfect, monogamous, nuclear-family relationships. It's not like none of us are sexual deviants or degenerates in our own way. ALL of this shit that your family has put you through boils down to "b-but the grass is greener on the other side!"

But it really isn't. Nobody's perfect. At a certain point you've got to realize that everyone will throw suggestions at you, but 95% of adults really have no fucking idea what they're talking about, and it's all on you to find your own way to have a "good life." For you, that's probably going to involve a relationship with another man. I hope you can get yourself to the point of believing that you deserve a good relationship. Don't keep punishing yourself for the way you were born.
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>>18106603
The shame aspect of kinky butt sex comes from the society we live in which is nothing more than beleifs and dead people's baggage handed down from generation to generation.

OP if you want to have a thick dick neslted in your butt oozing cum while your being spooned to sleep by your masculine man then go for it because that's inherently YOUR nature.

Nothing is permanent and the experience may foster new growth for you or you may go in another direction. Afterall what are we but a bunch of mammals floating on a rock through time and space simultaniously discovering ourselves and trying to reach our full potential
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>>18106777
...are you trying to give me a boner? [spoiler]It worked.[/spoiler]
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>>18106777
I think you make a good point as well, but it's still confusing how many different "truths" there for so many people, and while many of those "truths" are obviously hypocritical and deceitful for the sake of convenience, many of them are equally valid despite being different. I think I'm just gonna try to live life and do what I can to be what I consider a good person.

That being said, I think your use of articulating one of my biggest temptations and lustful desires makes you come off as a manipulative seductress.
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>>18106543

>"It's natural! Lots of animals do it too!"

Animals also fuck their immediate family and eat their children. Dolphins swim around in gangs and violently rape other dolphins to death. Chimpanzee tribes massacre rival tribes and combatants tear off enemy males' balls as part of killing them.

Yes, lets do what animals do, because "we're animals too". /s

Anuses are too delicate and are engineered for the sole purpose of expelling waste. They were never meant to be fucked in any extensive capacity.

That said, alcohol, drugs, lack of social integration and junk food are not exactly good either, but you will not find me asserting that other self aware adults not be able to do these things.

Basically, homosexual anal sex? Yeah whatever - do what you want. But don't for a second think it is correct or biologically normal or healthy
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>>18106807
Don't worry about other people's truths find YOUR truth because it's the only truth matters. Enjoying your prostate glad that you were born with doesn't make you a good or bad they have nothing to do with each other

Following what you are attracted to brings you closer to yourself, these feelings and desires you have are not anyone elses but yours, your body is communicating to you but your denying yourself, I merely showed you YOUR deepest desire and YOUR body responded in the truest way it can.

Let me pose a question, in another world if your family was supportive of your nature would you be this conflicted? I believe this is the real reason you are so hopelessly torn
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>>18106494
>I know that on a biological and spiritual level, taking dick up the butt fucks you up badly.
Nah, brah.

My girl pegs me on the regular and I put it up her butt too. We're fine.
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>>18106494
taking dick in your rectum does not biologically fuck you up. lol.

fuck spiritual perspectives to homosexuality. it's not about that. it's about you.

the only thing, in my perspective, that sucks about being gay is you'll never be able to have your own children with the person you are with. and you'll be stigmatized by certain groups in society.
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>>18106849

>anuses are too delicate
I can tell you from personal experience that that is extremely untrue.
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>>18106494
uh judging from this post, extreme fucking hormone imbalance holy shit

either fuck guys or don't.
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>>18107121
what do you mean
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