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I keep finding issues and problems with conventional courses of action towards life itself.
I see there's no true purpose to this existence.
This world is terribly disappointing, and the foundation it's built on is sad in and of it self.
I'm not going to commit suicide, but I'm not going to reproduce either. I simply can't stomach the behavior of my fellow man. There's no way out of this reality I find myself in except escapism. I'm currently a NEET, but until recently I had a job as a carpenter's assistant, and I saw the lives other people lead.
A part of me wishes to have the ability to desire. I can't look at a shiny motor vehicle and want it. I can't look at women and want them. I can't really desire anything unless it pertains to what I'm interested in, and that's primarily drawing.
I wonder if my belief is born from defeatism, but I have a feeling it isn't. I could easily attain what the men beside me can. You can try and patch a gaping hole in a boat with tape (philosophy), but it doesn't work. There's a reason religion says this life is but provisional. It's not worth bringing more human beings into other-wise.
I wonder if this is why atheists never have children. They know about this world, and they see it with a fog-less lens.
I believe I've got Aspergers. My IQ is 130, and my mother is a black-hispanic, but my father is white. That isn't natural at all. I've rocketed past the white median IQ despite my own racial composition. People could say "You're just an out-lier!", but I don't see why I would be. Mexicans are 40-60% white, and they're not generally intelligent. I should have had difficulty in school. My sister's IQ is the average of 100.
I can only hope that my mind will change if I go out and experience the world for myself as a player instead of an observer, but I highly doubt this. Everything in the world outside of nature feels like staring at a brick-wall, and "normal" industrial world social interactions are over-whelming.
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>>18091241
>Mexicans are 40-60% white, and they're not generally intelligent.
found your problem, stop browsing /pol/ and experience some meaningful human interaction, the world will seem like a much better place afterwards
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>>18091241
I feel like I've failed in life on every conceivable front, but I also feel like I'm absolutely correct in not seeing the worth in most things.
I can only wish that there's a way out of the hole I find myself in, but it seems that I've always been down in it; I just now became aware I was in one.
I am liable to be weened out by evolution. I wonder if a relationship with a member of the opposite sex will give a meaning to my life, but I've seen others explicitly state that obtaining a girlfriend doesn't change any of the problems I have in this world.
I don't think I can handle having one on top of this. It would be too intense an experience. I can barely look my father/family in the eyes.
I had a friend in high-school that called me a hopeless man when I was 18.
I have a feeling he was right, but at the time, I rejected such an opinion.
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>>18091248
I've seen it far too much in-spite of /pol/.
I've already stopped browsing that board a while back due to the negative sway it had in my life. Same with /r9k/.
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>>18091241
I "know" all of this, and it has swayed me to have anti-natalist views. Other people are built for this world, I'm not.
I can't shake the terrible feeling of inferiority in all things. I know I'm "smart", but it doesn't make-up for being such a great distance beneath the average man.
I can't ask for anything. I can't tell other people how I feel. I can't feel empathy when people die. I just want to get upset, but I can only think of my own life.
I feel like my mental health is degrading due to isolation, and there's no way to reverse the downward incline I'm hurtling down. I'm completely alone in the world outside of internet friends.
I need something more.
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I've realized I need to go make a real friend out in the real world.
It's the only way for me to not think about committing suicide.
I don't feel lonely, or I can't define my feeling of loneliness, but I know I never had to think about anything that's detrimental to my own mental health back when I had friends to think about instead.
The tragedy is that I could only make 1 or 2 genuine friends out of thousands of people.
I hope that changes.
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you remind me of a guy i knew in high school
does depression, or feelings of general hopelessness run in your family? have you ever talked about it with your parents?
best thing for you is to find things to focus on. have a job, go to school, find a hobby, join a club, whatever the fuck. when you aren't working on stuff you feel stuck and it's easy to fall into melancholy from there.
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