Sexually frustrated and inexperienced

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I’m 32. I live with my parents. My hobbies are boring, and pretty solitary. I’m short, balding, and generally attractive. I haven’t had a date since 2003. Obviously dating and relationships aren’t for me.

But I am still human. I want sex, though I’ve never had it.

Now I’ve got a bad idea.

I’ve been to strip clubs four times. 2 bachelor parties a decade ago, one guys night out with friends last year, and this past New Years Eve. Naturally, being the desperately horny loser I am, I spent too much money.

The girls at the club offered more than just a dance. At the time, I thought I was wise saving my money and virtue. Now I have a decent job and cash to spend. I’m sure you see where this is going.

Yes, I’m aware of the risks of fucking slutty strippers. I know STDs aren’t fun.

Then again, no fucking at all isn’t all that fun either. Believe me, I know.

My social circle is small, I don’t see myself meeting any singles through it. I’ve tried online dating and Tinder, and got less than nowhere.

This isn’t a decision I’m taking lightly. Hell, I’m surprised I’m actually considering it seriously, considering how long I put it off. So talk me out of it. Or into it. Or call me a pathetic selfish asshole.