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Why to get into a relationship?

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I'm running out of reasons to desire being in a relationship. Keep in mind, this isn't a woman hate thread, I think there's plenty of wonderful women, but that maybe I'm just jaded with the idea of relationships. I've been single for a little over two years now.

But all of my friends are in either horrible relationships or have had shit go sideways on them - like my friend just watched his girlfriend's dog for two weeks while she was in New Zealand, came to pick her up, she brought him gifts, and then dumped him. Another friend is getting used by his girlfriend so he raises her kid. My roommate's "girl" refuses to commit to him, and says she can fuck anyone she wants. Those are just three examples. Other friends are just afraid of being alone.

Somewhere inside me, I still think I'd like a relationship - and maybe it's coming to 4chan too much, but they all just seem destined for disaster.

Does anyone have any good stories, any semblance of hope? Any reason a relationship is a good thing? Or should I just go solo? I'm 30 years old, if that matters.
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>>18087436
Relationships are good. I am not gonna sit here and list off the pros and cons. But i will say you live longer and happier than if you are alone statistically.

30 is a good age. Younger women are blown away by your ability to do normal adult shit like pay a bill. And women your age are freaking out about only having 10 years left to breed. So the field is at its ripest right now.

All that said. just be smart and use your friends as examples of exactly what to dodge in a relationship.
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>>18087436
You do hate women.
creep
>>/r9k/
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>>18087445

Interesting. Where do I go out and demonstrate my value on this kind of shit, and get someone attractive and interesting? I work from home, so work is out, but I'm also pretty picky. I have 236 likes on OkCupid, but I don't know if I should just be out on a bunch of dates or trying to do something meaningful.

Seems like a struggle, but it could just be my city.
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>>18087436
>>18087445
Relationships are neither inherently 'bad' nor 'good'. They just are. It's dangerous that they are seen as something inherently good for anyone, because they obviously aren't. They can, however, be good for some, maybe even most. I don't really see the point why your friends having relationships that are bad for them has any impact on you whatsoever. You obviously would never have such relationships with girls like that, otherwise you wouldn't post this.

>Or should I just go solo?
You shouldn't. But you can. If that's the right thing for you. Not because a relationship is the wrong thing for others in certain constellations.

I don't exactly see what you're trying to get out of this? Confirmation that relationships are awesome? Nobody can really give you that. But if that's what you're looking for - why not watch some random Hollywood romcom?
Think about it yourself. What do YOU think is good and bad for yourself in a classic relationship? Do you want it this way? Do you want it any other way? Or would you be happier without bothering about this model at all?
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>>18087480

My friends having these issues are more indicative of what relationships might be like at my age. My last relationship didn't work for me, and I know you can't generalize everything, but I look back at my last one and want to figure out if I'm suited for them.

I guess what I'm trying to get out of it is a little hope. I want to maintain my independence, but being with someone and understanding someone seems like a great thing. Like any red blooded male, I like sex.

What's going to serve me best in the future? What's going to serve a relationship in the future?

It's hard to decide.
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>>18087453
>Where do I go out and demonstrate my value on this kind of shit, and get someone attractive and interesting?

Anywhere. You are putting relationships on a pastille. Like its something to be acquired. But a relationship is more of an evolution from friendship. And to make friends you need to expand your real life social network. Jumping into a relationship via online or hookup is always high risk since you have to dump unfounded trust on a stranger rather than them earning it through regular social events.
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>>18087541

I've never gotten into a relationship from a friendship, and have been told (and have experienced) more often than not, that a friendship doesn't develop into a relationship. All of my past relationships have stemmed from pretty immediate chemistry and romantic interest.

My social network is very robust, but shrinking over the years, as more people get married, have kids, and stop doing things as much. No one really gets together for larger group things anymore, it's all one-off stops for drinks or lunch or what have you whenever we can squeeze each other in.
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>>18087526
>I look back at my last one and want to figure out if I'm suited for them
Well, you obviously were not suited for the last one. That barely tells you anything about future relationships though, as you'll be a different person at that time and the women you meet will be completely different. Why not decide then and there if that's something that could work? Why decide this now?

>I guess what I'm trying to get out of it is a little hope.
That means you want a relationship, just not a not-working one. If that's what you want, then have that. Next time you get close with a girl, ask yourself (and her) if a relationship with her would be able to provide this independence you want. If yes, go for it. If not, don't.

>What's going to serve me best in the future? What's going to serve a relationship in the future?
Again, not really a question of any relevance now. That's a question only your future self can answer and you should let him decide that. Absolutely no reason to decide this now.

I can't really give you 'hope' in a positive sense, just an anecdote that'll maybe help you changing your way of thinking. Until 3 months ago I had a pretty nice 2year long relationship and even though I hurt her quite a bit the last 4-5 months by not being there for her in some situations we broke up on perfectly fine terms. If we had not moved to different citys we'd probably still be together. A good experience overall. Yet, I wouldn't want a relationship like this again, as far as I can tell now. My ex however, most definitely wants something like this again. You see, a good relationship means about as much for future relationship plans, as a bad one does. It depends entirely on you. If you want it and you see chances of it working, why not go for it? Good relationships are definitely possible - even if they don't end up working in the end. No reason giving up on them.
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>>18087578

Seems like pretty good advice, all in all. The thing is, I feel like if I'm going to get into a relationship, I need to go out there and put in the work. It's not going to come to me. Gotta be in shape, gotta talk to women, gotta go on dates, all that kind of thing. Men have to pursue, which I'm pretty much fine with, but I'll admit I've been having a problem wondering if the juice is worth the squeeze.

Do I want to go out and wine and dine someone, starting from ground zero, trying to impress them? Especially when they're a complete stranger? It seems like too much work most of the time, especially when I watch relationships fall apart.
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Hey I'm same age. been single for 5 years. but hooked up with about 100 girls. In a relationship at the moment. It's great. I miss the random sex, but getting to know someone else's hopes and fears and make them smile, etc might be better.
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>>18087591

I'd skip the wining and dining. Just grab coffee or something simple without strings attached.. makes it easier to get to know the other person.
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>>18087605

Don't get me wrong, my idea of a first date is a couple of happy hour drinks with some food you can pick at if you so desire. It's not like I'm not dating, having sex, or completely inept, but moving from a casual date or hookup to a relationship is a completely different ballgame. It requires a little extra work.
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>>18087591
Bit of a different question, but I can completely understand you on this one. I'm quite a bit younger than you - approaching mid-twenties - so dating is quite a lot easier for me, I imagine. Yet, I completely dislike it (or the effort towards a relationship), even though in my age it's still a valid option to just watch a movie at my place for a first date and escalate really fast. I guess for you, in your age it's way more strict and official 'dating protocol' and since relationships in your age are generally on more serious terms right from the go, I imagine it being even more 'work' than it already is for me.
If this work bothers you that much - which I can completely understand - really ask yourself if it's worth it or if you wouldn't be better off taking this whole issue less serious. Probably makes your chances of getting into a 'good' relationship worse, but maybe that's worth it considering the work and stress you spare yourself from. For me, it's not worth the work and stress, since I don't want really want or look for a relationship. Should it happen anyways, fine. If not, that's fine aswell. Not so sure if this helps you though, as you seem like someone that really wants a good working relationship.
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>>18087436
its probably because your room mates are dickheads. maybe if they werent such dick heads and they kept their "guy talk" between guys and not with their girlfriends then they wouldnt leave. and believe me, tomboy girls will do the same.
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>>18087436
All women are like that.
But it's your choice whether you'll use it to your advantage or become bitter about it.
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>>18087632

You're a little right. It's not "hard," per se, but each interaction does kind of come with the mindset of "if I'm doing this, I should be relatively serious about where this is gonna go."

I've been doing my best to not take it seriously, since I haven't been yearning for a relationship, but I wonder how long I can let that happen before I just end up doing nothing for good (which may not be a bad thing).
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>>18087436

IS THAT LEAH???
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>>18087445

>But i will say you live longer

So, because I'll never experience love ill die early?
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>>18087592

>had sex with about 100 girls

CHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAADDD
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>>18088046

Lia, but yeah.
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>>18088093

Holy Fuck she's grown

For the love of Allah and jesus post moar
Thread posts: 22
Thread images: 1


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