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How do i recover my humanity?

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So here is the thing, when i was a teenager, i've witnessed pretty fucked up shit that made me be cautious about how much i should trust people, and over time it just got worse to the point that i don't trust anyone or have the need to bond with people anymore, even people from my family or people who are actually nice to me, i'm worried that i might turn into a sociopath pretty soon if i don't do anything about it, but first i have some questions for you guys...

Is my behavior actually unusual? There's people out there who is really reliable? I'm overthinking about this?

I have the feeling that even avoiding being shitted over by someone, i'm also missing out a lot about human connections and what people of value can bring into my life.
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>>18087190
>Is my behavior actually unusual?
nope. despite what the media says most people only really trust family and maybe a close friend. and even then i wouldn't trust giving my parents money.
>There's people out there who is really reliable?
Yeah, but they usually group up with people like them.
>I'm overthinking about this?
Yeah. I mean if we were all magical trust fairies we would not have to make contracts for nearly everything we do. You think a receipt is giving to you for every purchase you make just for fun?
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>>18087190
I generally try to trust people until they show me that they shouldn't be trusted. However, I can afford to deal with untrustworthy people on occasion. I'm myself very dependable, so it's easy for people to reciprocate my trust.

When I was younger I didn't have the resources to afford being fucked over. You should definitely be more guarded if you can't afford to get fucked over.
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>>18087204
>Yeah. I mean if we were all magical trust fairies we would not have to make contracts for nearly everything we do. You think a receipt is giving to you for every purchase you make just for fun?
I'm pretty aware of this, but the problem is... i fail to trust any kind of person, i have people in my life who do more good to me than i deserve, but still, i always have to seed of doubt behind my neck, and its starting to bother me now that i might turn into a sociopath if don't do nothing about it.
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>>18087224
stop wasting your time measuring yourself against others. Its a pointless endeavor that will always make you feel inferior. Especially on obscure concepts like trust.
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>>18087232
How i'm measuring myself against others? and i don't feel inferior, actually the opposite to be honest, i'm a pretty narcissistic person.
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I don't know OP, I'm barely even considering myself human anymore. Yesterday I went to the mall and sat in a row to buy some food, and there I saw how fucking stuttering fools everyone around me was. Wherever I was looking I saw people fucking shit up, messing things, making fools of themselves, bumping into eachother, looking weird. A dude was so nervous when ordered his burger he got all red and sweaty, nobody bat an eye. Another dude had no fucking idea what to order, a chick was yelling at her bf who was like a kilometer away what to order. I just said my order, went to the table, ate and went home.
Then it hit me, they're all NORMAL people, and I was the weird one. I realized there and then I am nobody. I have no personality, no ego, no place in the world, I was basically invisible in that entire mall and even realizing that made me feel nothing. Today I walked back home and some kids were doing magic card tricks. They were so happy going all "sir, can we do a magic trick for you?" and I simply replied "I'm busy" when I had absolutely nothing else to do. Hell I walked back home EXACTLY for the reason that I have nothing to exist for, nor do I actively look for something.
And the last thought that hit me is that I have no saved up money because I strive and wish for nothing.

take care OP
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Damn man, i feel sorry for you, but i'm glad that my thread motivated you to vent, take care as well
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>>18087419
No need to feel sorry. I was never sad in the first place and I'm striving to become nobody through meditation and research into eastern philosophy (taoism)
I'm almost sure I'm going to "hear" god one of these days and I'll go back to him... one way or another. I'm absolutely sure though, that is particular life I'm living right now it not the only "chance" that I have at "living", whatever that means.
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>>18087460
Sorry then, its good to have something to believe in.
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>>18087190
You're not a sociopath just because you don't trust people to the point that you don't need people. Sociopaths are conniving manipulators that only care about themselves and at their worst can't hold down jobs and often end up in trouble with the law. If you care about anyone, but just can't express it, you aren't a sociopath. If you aren't constantly trying to manipulate people, you aren't a sociopath. The mere fact that you are worried you might be a sociopath proves you aren't a sociopath. A sociopath wouldn't care.
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>>18088506
That's a good point, but not being able to trust/bond with people doesn't take away a good part of things that life has to ofer? I have this constant thought on my head that i'm missing out on a lot of stuff because of this.
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>>18087190
>How do i recover my humanity?
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Use your mind to deconstruct your behavior. Look at it analytically and dig down one layer at a time. The reason you dont trust is because there is fear there. OK...what am I afraid of. I am afraid of being hurt like I saw those other people get hurt. How bad would that pain be? Is it worse than the pain I feel now? Etc...

This will sort of remove the mystery of your behavior. Your mind develops a whole lot of self protecting behaviors because it wants to keep you safe. But you have to say I am the one driving this bus.

Get in your mind that you are going to open yourself up with the sole reason of allowing yourself to get crushed just so you will know the experience. This will remove the fear and it is very likely you will not get crushed like you think. This will make it just a little bit easier the next time, etc. But in your mind you have to be prepared to be crushed and take the action anyway. By doing this you will literally reprogram your brain's self protection mechanisms.

Dont worry you are not a sociopath. You saw some shit, your brain when whoa and installed some autopilot behavior programs that it thinks is protecting you. It's time to turn off the autopilot. You can do this with your Will.
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>>18089245
That's a good concept, thanks buddy.
Thread posts: 15
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