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She yells, swears, and insults me when she's upset. When

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She yells, swears, and insults me when she's upset. When I tell her those words hurt me, she replies I made her say it by upsetting her. Why does she think it's justified for her to say those things, when if I said the same words to her, she'd go ballistic? How can I deal with this?
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>>18082802
Tell her to stoo being a bitch. She's walking all over you because you let her.
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>>18082802
You're in an abusive relationship.
Get out of it.
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>>18082802
You're on the receiving end of an abusive relationship, you gotta get out anon

>inb4 men can't suffer domestic abuse
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>>18082846
This.

To put it another way: "I only smack you around because you upset me and make me smack you around"

Ya dig?
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>>18082802
The relationship has gone to shit. Get ready for the worst.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Lpw3yMCWro
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Dump her bitch ass. She does it because she thinks/knows you won't do anything about it. Prove her wrong. Respect yourself.
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>>18082844
My personality is pretty soft-spoken, so you're right on that count. She always apologizes for her behavior after she's calmed down though - it's just when she's in the heat of the moment that this happens. Only thing is it makes it hard to resolve anything at the time of an argument - I usually have to weather it out and talk about things after she's calmed down

>>18082846

We're married. I can't make such a decision very lightly.
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>>18082802
>she replies I made her say it by upsetting her.

That is EXACTLY the excuse that wife-beaters give for physical violence. She has anger-control problems she is disguising by denial. It will only get worse, and cannot get better without her getting anger-control help.
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>>18082874
>We're married. I can't make such a decision very lightly.
Couple counselling? Psychotherapy for her?

I'd suggest leaving, but if you don't want to leave...
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>>18082874
This isn't a light decision to make, but it sounds like she's taking advantage of you
Find counseling, and if you can't afford it, go to a church to seek help. You don't need to be religious to get advice from someone who spends their life trying to help others achieve happiness
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When she's not upset, she is one of the most giving people I've ever met; she does things like keep me company for hours when I have to work late (at my workplace even!). It's just when she gets upset - and she's VERY sensitive - that she seems blind to everything except venting her emotions.

>>18082883
>>18082887
We tried counselling briefly; I had a therapist for years for personal issues related to shyness, so I'm fine with it - but she breaks down in tears whenever I talk to the therapist about her, and now she's not keen on going.
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>>18082802
I am in the same situation, but I'm a bit stronger about it. I tend to snark and dismiss her if she manages to make me angry
Unlike what /adv/ advises, and unless it happens every week or day, stay with her. Women are emotional creatures who often go ballistic and cannot justify their anger. It is often born of stress and worry we don't fully grasp, especially if she was to take of a kid 24/7.

I had a fight like this several days ago. Once the anger was over, she cried, asked me to forgive her and is now even kinder and at my service than usual.

This is not an abusive relationship unless it happens frequently and you give her the leniency to behave that way, without any drawback. Deal with it by giving her some breathing room, then don't be afraid to reach out for her.
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>>18082915
Thanks, anon. That resonated with me.

Thank you all for weighing in.
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>>18082915
>Women are emotional creatures who often go ballistic and cannot justify their anger
This is the same as justifying a wife beater because men tend to be more aggressive than women.

Most grown ups don't act like this. I don't know any person who acts like this and isn't a complete fuck up of a person.
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>>18082802
Women are hysterical creature, man.

If she's being that abusive almost every day then you're the abuse victim, and you should seek professional accordingly to help dealing with her.

If that's just something she did occasionally, it's just woman being woman. Ignore, be the reasonable stable one, and fuck her good till she can't stand next day.
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>>18082802
You've pretty much already decided that your response is going to be to suck it up and accept her abusive shit.

She's already demonstrated that the way things are going, she's not willing to try to change. Crying is just her way of shutting down any conversation about change.

If it were me, when she starts getting abusive and insulting, I would tell her "I'm not going to sit here and listen to you talk to me like this anymore. We can talk about this when you're able to treat me with respect" and then walk out. But I'm also willing to leave a relationship where the other person routinely treats me like shit.
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>>18082944
Despite what I wanted to say, the comparison works. Abuse is abuse. But the intensity of the abuse is definitely not the same, unless you are emotionally fragile or it happens every day.
It's all about weighing the pros and cons, and studying the daily behavior.

>>18082958
>fuck her good till she can't stand next day
Yup. Sex, the great resolver.
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>>18082802
>Why does she think it's justified for her to say those things?

because you keep letting it happen
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>>18082846
This. She's an abuser.

Oh, and just to emphasize that your treatment is abnormal I've showed this post to a table of women. Pretty much everyone agrees you're being abused.

Do what you will with this info, anon.
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Yeah my ex was abusive in a bunch of different ways and my life improved immeasurably as soon as I ended the relationship because turns out I wasn't a massive fuck up failure piece of shit who wouldn't find anybody else or be able to save my sorry ass without her in my life because only she understood and accepted me despite all my massive flaws and issues and glaring problems and so on and so.

Like turns out I don't even like arguing or fighting.
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>>18083061
>"I'm not going to sit here and listen to you talk to me like this anymore. We can talk about this when you're able to treat me with respect"

This. OP, you need to let her know that you don't tolerate this type of bullshit. When she does this, treat her like a child. This includes comforting her at the end. Usually sex works.
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>>18082802
She sounds like a toxic person. Probably better to let that one go.
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