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I'm turning 21 in a week, and I'll be graduating with

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I'm turning 21 in a week, and I'll be graduating with a bachelor's degree (liberal art and soft science double major) in May 2017. I want to go to grad school in Fall 2017, and it's possible (fingers crossed!) I'll be accepted into a cushy program in a very good school.

I just found out I'm pregnant. I'm single, but I don't feel ok with an abortion. Do you think I can still go to grad school if I'm pregnant/a single mother?
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There was a woman in my law classes who had a baby part way through her degree. Of course you can study and have a child, it's just going to be a lot harder if you're a single mother.

Assuming this isn't bait, of course
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>>18081101
Hey, thanks anon. Was she married, you know?

I just haven't told anyone yet. I have a few girl friends, supportive parents, but no boyfriend and I really don't want one. I also really want to leave the town I'm in now, but that would mean leaving my support structures away.

The grad school I visited actually have quite a lot of grad students starting families, buying houses, and having kids while their degrees were in progress. But I'm worried about whether I'll be rejected because I'm suddenly a single mother, so I wonder if there are any other stories of single moms completing their degrees.
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>>18081119
>>18081119
I guess I'm trying to determine whether it would be better to stay in my small, drinking college town and do minimum wage job here (no good jobs for my degrees), or go to grad school on $25,000 fellowship and no support network (yet.)
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>>18081119
Whoops, didn't see your reply. I assume she was married because she was a little older, but I don't know for sure.

>>18081212
Neither situation seems desirable, what about putting off grad school for now, but still moving away?
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>>18081098
>but I don't feel ok with an abortion

Why do you want to increase the suffering in this world? Please think of others than yourself.
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>>18081222
Well, I haven't got any money saved up, and I am not sure whether I could find adequate work to support myself through childbirth. I'm very worried about pregnancy complications (I'm small-boned and size 1, so I have no idea how this bad boy's gonna come out). And I'm in America so it's not exactly a given to get free healthcare/childcare, especially at a minimum wage job.

The grad school has wonderful atmosphere, not scary-intense like Harvard or Stanford. My degrees are Botany and a foreign language and I can't really do landscaping/nursery work because I am not strong enough. But if you do have an idea for a job, I'd be interested to hear it! :)
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There are so many couples desperate to adopt a baby, especially if it's white. Many of them are well-off and can give your child a great life.
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>>18081239
>>18081245
Listen. I'm amazed that I am pregnant. I doubt that my body will be able to support a second pregnancy, and I absolutely beyond a doubt want to keep this child. I am not asking whether or not to keep the baby. I am asking advice on what decision for my academic and career future will be best decision for the both of us.
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OP, are you really a us citizen? You sound foreign.
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>>18081255
>I am asking advice on what decision for my academic and career future will be best decision for the both of us.
The answer is abortion.

But you don't want to make the "best" decision so it doesn't really matter in the end. You're going to struggle and most likely not finish school anyway.
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>>18081255
>I doubt that my body will be able to support a second pregnancy

The fuck are you talking about? Abortion doesn't make you infertile.

You need to abort or adopt out, because doing grad school will be damn impossible with a baby. It's not community college, it's an intense time commitment.

If you decide to keep the baby and raise it, know that you'll probably never graduate. Definitely never if you are poor.
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>>18081098
being a single mother is the worst thing you could do to your child

seriously look up the stats, children of single mothers are far more likely to be fucked up in some way
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please just put the baby into adoption OP
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>>18081255
You sound delusional about your chances for a second child. If you can give birth to one, you can almost certainly give birth to another. What is right for your child is not being raised by a poor single mother.

But if you are going to go through with this, accept the grad school offer. The stipend you will get is as much as you would make working a shitty retail job. With a new baby, you probably will do a shitty job and get kicked out of your program eventually, but your chances of getting accepted again after doing nothing for a few years are low anyway.
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>>18081098

>Do you think I can still go to grad school if I'm pregnant/a single mother?

Kek. Absolutely not, unless you're okay with spitting out this baby just to soothe your conscience and being a terrible, absent mother while you pursue your career and let your child suffer the consequences for your terrible decision making.

By all means, pursue your career. In the slim likelihood you'll even be able to afford one, I'm sure your child will get very attached to the baby sitter it will be with for 12 hours a day while you work and go to school.

On the other hand, letting paid strangers raise your children and subsequently having terrible relationship with said children because you were never around growing up is a time honored tradition. You wouldn't exactly be breaking ranks.
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>>18081407

OP doesn't have the money for a babysitter and she won't after she graduates either.

look at this shit
>>18081240

>My degrees are Botany and a foreign language and I can't really do landscaping/nursery work because I am not strong enough. But if you do have an idea for a job, I'd be interested to hear it! :)
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>>18081411

>OP doesn't have the money for a babysitter and she won't after she graduates either.

So in other words she's a brain dead neanderthal who has completely deluded herself into thinking that adequately taking care of a child and going to school full-time with no money completely on her own even remotely resembles a realistic possibility.
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>>18081417
yep

the thread was over before it even started
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>>18081422
OP abandoned thread because reality was hurting her feelings

I feel bad for her future kid

who wants to bet he'll also be mixed race, therefore fucking him up even more?
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>ITT: /pol/ and /r9k/ give """"""""""""""""""""advice"""""""""""""""""""""""
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Thanks for all the constructive criticism, /adv/. Here's my plan so far.

The university offers a daycare that is specifically for students and faculty, so that's nice. I have decided to accept their offer. As soon as the risk of miscarriage goes down a lot, like two months from now, I'll reach out and let my research professor know my situation, so there are no surprises. I will try and do some work online to save up finances, especially after I graduate. Who knew TEFL certification can come in so handy? :)

Yeah, best case scenario I meet another grad student, it's a good match, and the baby will get a family full proper. Even if not, I will likely make some friends who will be good presences in the baby's life. I'm not saying it's going to be easy and all roses. But it does seem like the university atmosphere at that grad school will be best environment.
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>>18081457
>Yeah, best case scenario I meet another grad student, it's a good match, and the baby will get a family full proper

You are so delusional it's laughable. No one wants a single mother. You are the last resort for some washed-up 30 year old that has no other options.

I guarantee your student daycare won't take infants as well.
And congratulations - you have strangers raising your baby, letting it cry for hours because they don't make enough money to care about it. And when the kid gets older, it won't be attached to you at all.

You have no idea just how awful your life is about to become. Abort or adopt, if not for your own sake, for the poor kid's.
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>>18081457

Good luck with your delusions.
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>>18081457
what the fuck? your private life is going to be a chaotic mess. you wont have the time to juggle between school, the child, work. and a private life.
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>>18081511
But anon, her handsome prince will save her! Everyone knows grad students (with their whole lives ahead of them) want to settle down with single mothers. And single mothers are great friends! I love how available they are to go out, they always have time to hang out and provide support when I need it!
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>>18081098
Hey op. I went to cornell for my grad degree. It was incredibly child-friendly: extra money for new parents, childcare from infancy, and parent networks.

One of my friends was a single mother there before she met her fiance.

You can look up your grad school's friendliness towards new parents on their website and apply for all of the aid that they offer.

And don't forget about scholarships. They exist for grad students too, and you will really need the extra cash, so do apply to several.
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>>18081525
>go to school all day while strangers do the bare minimum for your baby
>pick up baby (which has just spent the day bonding to other people)
>take care of baby until it falls asleep
>wake up several times in the night to take care of baby

great plan, i see a lot of room for doing school work
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>>18081255
I will try to be honest, you have three buckets, yourself, grad school, and this child.

If you fail out of grad school then you will only have put yourself in debt without any new marketable skills.

If you don't support your child then either the child will be taken away by child protection services or you will not be able to give the child proper support and then your child will struggle.

If you fail then you will fail both other options, a domino effect.

Also consider even if you somehow managed to balance all of them, you would not have any time for yourself or other activities, and would swiftly approach work burn

Finally, even if you balance everything, even one disaster, a broken leg, relative death, any of that would break the system because you have no time to waste.

So here's my advice, you need to focus on you right now. Decide if you wish to go to grad school, or if your current degree would be enough. If you wish to continue college I would suggest giving the child to a stable relative so you can finish grad school and the child will not get neglected. If that doesn't work, you have two real options to finish grad school, abortion or adoption.

I wish I could tell you the world will be fine, but your all in and your hand is shit.

I hope you find a pleasant solution.
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this is like a failsafe built into this world's coding matrix

you slept around like a slut and now you're going to pay very dearly by having your life be a literal hell

abortion gets you a ticket to real hell, for murdering an infant

your child will probably grow to hate you or to be fucked in the head since he has no father and he will realize eventually that you were a slut

you're cornered
my advice to you is move back to your parents if they're conservative and religious, BEG for forgiveness and try to live a fair and honest life. ask your dad to help raise the child so he has a fucking male figure in his life and not end up a fucking beta cucklord.
now, you may think all I'm saying is a meme, or nonsense. but there's a reason why christian conservative countries are better than liberal communist secular hellholes.
If you chose the godless path you will remember this post one day, and have a sad epiphany which I would advice against.
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>>18081569
Hm. Of course I don't want to give the baby to a stable relative while I get my Masters, but it's logistically possible, and I will look into it further. Thank you. Looking more into my university's grad school infant care, it seems it would be much easier if I went there with a 6-month old, or a 1-year old child, than giving birth while on campus. I'll speak on Monday with admissions about deferring admission for a year or so-- and ask for the contact info of some other parent grad students, to hear what their experience there has been like. For the right now, my focus will be to find ways to make money with my current degrees (probably, lots of online tutoring for pay and maybe part time at a florist's or something.)

I really appreciate your response, anon. Thank you!
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>>18081457
Where is the father? Do you even know who he is?
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>>18081607
>deferring admission for a year

lmao you will never go back
enjoy trying to get a job with a bachelor's in botany when you can't even do manual labor

why are you saddling yourself with this child? right now is your last opportunity to make it disappear, or at least give it a better life through adoption. why do you want to be a mother now?
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fuk u nd ur bastart hitler baby. you did sandyhook
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>when ya about to have a fatherless child who will been born into a tumultuous world with its only lifeline being an irresponsible cum dumptster but all you care about is how this unwanted and unloved child will affect grad school
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>>18081620
Yes. It's your typical sob story. I went to a party a month ago, and didn't realize how much of a lightweight I am with alcohol. He was a classmate. I thought he was taking me to bed just to sleep, but he had other intentions and I was too inebriated to push him off. I wasn't a virgin after that, and obviously didn't want to do anything romantic since. But I tested positive two days ago, so.
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>>18081639
>virgin until she got raped
>doesn't press charges
>wants to keep a first-semester fetus so it can fuck up her future

You're so naive and emotional it's sad
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>>18081098
Hey maybe in 20 years the buttmad virgin with mommy issues you'll be making fun of on /adv/ will be your son!

Isn't that just quacking crazy?
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>>18081639
Here's your plan of action.
1. Press charges against your rapist. You're pregnant, you have the ultimate evidence.
2. Abort the fetus.

If you have this rape baby, it will pull down your grades immensely. Even with daycare, that kid is going to be your responsibility every hour you're not in school, and you don't have a husband to help take care of it. Your grades will tank.

There is literally 0 reason for you to have this baby. You seem like you're just rolling over and accepting everything that happens to you, while also remaining completely ignorant about the future.
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>>18081680
But they couldn't even prove that the child is his, until it is born, yes? And it's not like it's the baby's fault his dad is a shithead. My doctors have told me that it's unlikely I will be able to conceive due to childhood malnutrition, low bone density, and too-low weight that affects fertility, so you must understand how much I care for the little one regardless.

Plus, our university's justice system is crummy and tedious. I doubt I'll be successful, it will take a ton of time, and may even keep me involved with this institution beyond graduation. Why?
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>>18081713
No, you can get a blood test. I imagine it will be court ordered as evidence once you try to get him for rape.
>This test requires only a simple blood collection from the mother and alleged father and can be performed any time after the 8th week of pregnancy. The test is 99.9% accurate.

If you can conceive after having sex only one time, I bet you can do it again. A planned child with someone you love is far better than a rape baby at the most inconvenient time in your life.

And fuck the university kangaroo court, go directly to the police. You are too concerned with wasting time when this baby will literally take the next 18+ years of your life.
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>>18081713
This is bait if I've ever seen it.

>i was a virgin
>first time i had sex got pregnant
>muh doctors told me

And most of all you don't even type like a girl. You haven't mentioned your feelings or what was going through your head as this has been unfolding ONCE. You're a good baiter, but when larping as a female you have to be the best of the best.
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>>18081713
>pressing charges against my rapist is too much hassle
>but having a kid when i have no money, have grad school ahead of men and no prospects for the future isn't

Honestly I just hope you die and I mean this in the nicest way possible.
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>>18081728
I hope she has a miscarriage

>is underweight and malnourished, but thinks baby will be healthy
>is a single mother
>will put her kid in daycare the second it's born
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>>18081713
>was told her body is too weak to support another life
>still wants a baby

Why are you so fucking selfish? You're not even a healthy weight and you have a shit ton of other issues, your poor baby is going to be fucked up before it's even born.
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>>18081720
I wouldn't have ever thought of a blood test, or to look into this line of questioning. I'm so grateful to you, anon. Thank you! I'll go and talk to some trusted advisors, especially I'll try and arrange a meeting with a professor in a biology field about what the best choice would be. I guess if I'm considering to stay behind a year or so through deferred admissions anyway, you are correct that a court case will not be so bad.

But would that give me money for the health care/adoption/abortion procedure? Or is it just to punish? (Sorry, only if you know the answer, just curious.)

>>18081720
sorry
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>>18081735
You should go to your university's psychologist, not a random professor. They can refer you to what exactly you need to do.

I found this but I'm not a lawyer. https://www.rainn.org/articles/crime-victim-compensation
I'm sure there are other ways, you can also ask reddit.com/r/legaladvice
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>>18081743
Oh, thanks for the link! I guess I should've specified that it's a trusted bio professor who has previously given me advice in situations where life and career are intersecting-- she is wonderful. But I will also look to find a psychologist to speak with.
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>>18081766
That is a good plan. Best of luck.
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>>18081639
How much child support can you collect? If his parents are rich you can try to get money from them too, they probably want to see their grandchild
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>>18081735
If you are actually keeping the baby, you 100% don't want to press charges for rape because it destroys the fathers earning potential, and hence the amount of child support you are entitled too. Can't squeze blood from a stone.

If you do adoption, the adoptive parents will generally pay all of your health costs.

Abortions are not that expensive, but you could probably get the guy to pay for it.
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>>18081098
I don't want to suggest anything drastic, but is asking the baby's father for help an option?
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>>18081899
>>18081899
>>18082055
The guy gives me the creeps and I want nothing to do with him. If I keep this child, then I definitely will want to introduce him to good people, not creepy rapists. First, it will be a good idea to have a big talk with some doctors about what this pregnancy means for my health, and the baby's. I'll see if I can find this one a good family and adopt it out, and still be healthy enough to have my own-- or if it's a keep/abort situation. Lots of big decisions. Oh boy.
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>>18081098
>liberal art and soft science double major
>I just found out I'm pregnant.
>I'm single, but I don't feel ok with an abortion.

You're a fucking idiot. You either take care of the baby until your fucking mistake is ready to be taken care of for half a day at school or just give it up for adoption and "find yourself" with your liberal arts bullshit.
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>>18082078
I genuinely respect you for making the best out of a stressful situation, and being awfully mature about it. I hope you find help with your struggles. God bless.
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>>18082078
>the guy gives me the creeps and I want nothing to do with him
>wants to take care of his child

inb4 kid comes out as an exact replica of his father
Thread posts: 56
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