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Physical attraction to partner

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I am in a relationship with a wonderful person who I consider to be the most interesting and kind person I've ever met. We share a connection that I haven't experienced with anyone else, and we know a lot about each other's ways of thinking and experiencing the world that nobody else knows. I love this girl.

However, she isn't really my match when it comes to physical preference. She is very thin (think runway model, pic related ) and doesn't have what you'd call curves. I am really attracted to breasts and especially mid to bigger size, while the girl I'm seeing is almost completely flat. I sometimes feel guilty for not feeling as attracted to her as I did to my ex (who matched my preference completely looks-wise), and I can feel that sex with the girl that I'm seeing now doesn't come from the same place of raw passion that it did with my ex. This makes me feel anxious from time to time, and I feel guilty for masturbating to the thought of my gf with bigger breasts.

What's your take on all this?

I'm the opposite of you. I like thin as fuck girls, and could care less about boobs as long as they have a nice pair of long legs.

My last girlfriend was a little thicker (but not thicc or chubby or whatever, just average), especially in her boobs. As we dated, she started eating more and more and skipping yoga, and I just couldn't get hard for her no matter what. It got to the point where I was thinking of my coworker and my buddy's girlfriend during sex just maintain a semi.

Anyways, I dumped her. Not gonna stay with someone I have to force the sex with.
Married a girl in a very similar situation to you OP. Makes me depressed a lot. That said our relationship is very stable. I'm thinking maybe of picking up tinder whores or prostitutes once every couple of months to compensate. You don't really ever get over it. In my opinion it's genetic predisposition.
All of these require your GF's consent, but they are ways to resolve your problem through changing her body to suit you.

If you want your girl to get a matronly figure, knock her up. Her breasts will grow and probably remain somewhat larger even after you've had the baby with her and the breastfeeding begins.

Fatten her up. See how your gf right now puts on weight, and if it works out encourage her to get somewhat pudgier.

Increase the amount of progesterone and estrogen in her body. There are a variety ways to do this.

You may have to accept, however, that she will never quite have the ideal body for you. That should not stop you from loving her; try to discover other sexual preferences you both have and have and satisfy them. Eventually you'll probably find yourself able to fully accept your GF's body.
OP, I understand that you want to find a way to ignore this because it is rare to find someone you otherwise love so much.

But can you imagine being madly, madly in love with someone, finding them perfect, being aroused just by catching a glimpse of them, and then finding out that they were so disappointed by your dick size (you can replace it with something else you are particularly insecure about) that the sex just didn't have that feral horny quality?

Would you think, it's okay, I'll be her husband and try to spice it up somehow... Or would you want to leave and look for a woman who does feel that strongly about you sexually, especially if it wouldn't be hard for you to find one?

I think you should want this woman to find someone who doesn't have to compromise his attraction to be with her.
Disagree strongly with this. Looks and sexual desire are pretty fleeting - someone who cares for and genuinely loves you is a rare as fuck commodity, and it shouldn't be thrown away just so you may get your rocks off easier.

Don't throw it away. We can't find perfection in this life; don't throw the best that you can get. Emotional and intellectual satisfaction are so more important than sex.
>Looks and sexual desire are pretty fleeting
No, they aren't. If you grow old besides someone, the changes are so gradual that they aren't jarring the way they are when you haven't seen someone in ten years.

Besides, if you love someone and are attracted not just to their body but to their personality, the way their mind works, their hopes, dreams and memories and their sexuality, then there is a lot left even assuming there wouldn't be sexual appeal anymore based on the physical part.
If you are 100% attracted to a loved one, you get horny from smelling their scent, from seeing their "let's get dirty" grin, from the way they move in their seat, from how their body feels against yours.

You realize that people still fuck in old people's homes? Even people who didn't know each other before relocating there.

>so you may get your rocks off easier
>don't throw the best you can get
I don't think that he deserves better, I think she does.
I can see your situation turning sour, with her eating more and so on. I understand your decision
how do you mean genetic predisposition?
She is a recovered anorectic so I really don't want to fuck her up by telling her that she should change the way she looks. I could never forgive myself if she got sick again.
That said, I think her breasts grew a little from being on the pill for a period of time, however she felt that they affected her mood too much and switched to a copper spiral
Yeah, I've thought about this argument too. The problem with this is that it assumes that there is someone else that has the exact same qualities AND the body that I feel the most attracted to, and that I just have to leave the girl that I'm with in order to go on my journey to find her. I don't think you should (not you in particular) be so quick to assume that this is the case, instead I feel like you should value a strong connection with someone highly. The combination of my appreciation of her intellect and the way she makes me feel about myself, think about my surroundings and change myself for the better with a feeling of lacking when it comes to sexuality - maybe that combination amounts to a higher score than I would with someone like my ex who could only satisfy my intellectual needs up to a point even though I was attracted to her like nothing else.
ok I get your point now, misunderstood it before. However, doesn't that have to be up to her? I mean, if she's satisfied with the way we interact with each other so much that she wants to be in a relationship with me, what gives me the right to take that away from her, acting on some idea of that she deserves better? That just makes the both of us unhappy
OP, listen to this. You may have the same problem. My ex-girlfriend was a 6 at max, but in the first months she was the only woman I would ever fuck. Later on, her shitty personality became more clear, and I became less and less attracted to her.

Either that, or she is really the beautiful person you describe. If that's the case then watch this one: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5eZ1gZ3MbaY

It will be worth your time, I promise.

Love, dad
>The problem with this is that it assumes that there is someone else that has the exact same qualities AND the body that I feel the most attracted to
I'm not assuming that. There probably isn't. But I do think that if you were more in love with your partner than you are now, you wouldn't care much that technically they are in some aspects inferior to this woman.

How I know that you aren't over the moon about your current partner? The very fact that it bothers you this much that her body, slender and healthy as it is, isn't your ideal. That might be the thing that surfaces after a few years of honeymoon phase, but assuming you have been dating less than three years, it mostly tells me that you pragmatically like her package deal more than that you're in love with her.

That, and I think that such a wonderful woman doesn't deserve to be cheated out of a partner who is crazy for her body. And mind you, she WILL eventually be able to tell that you don't particularly love her physical shape. It is pretty fucking obvious when a man can't keep his hands off you.
Does she actually know all this? Does she knows that the sex is tame to you compared to your ex because she doesn't get you going in the same way?
I'll watch some of it. What do you mean by your first paragraph?
I hear what you're saying. Side note: she isn't just slim, she is really, really skinny. You can see veins on her stomach due to her being so skinny, I am sort of in constant conflict about whether she has fallen back into anorexia nervosa again.
do you tell every single person you date about their shortcomings to other people you've dated? I feel like you're pushing a bit hard on the romantic aspect of love. Every person you meet is different, and everyone has sides that you appreciate and sides that you don't. There isn't anyone who has the perfect combination of attributes for you, there is always going to be something that irks you.

The relationship I had with my ex was very sexual but not very fulfilling in other aspects of our relationship. The relationship that I have now is much more interesting in every way, but some of the raw passion that I felt from being with someone that I just couldn't get enough of physically is missing. As you said, she will recognize the feeling of passion in me and when it might not be. Her staying with me tells me that she is content with the level of passion in our relationship because I sure as shit can't fake being passionate to the point that it would be cheating her on some realisation. You understand what I mean?

I mean it would be weird for me to factor in the negatives that I present to the relationship, and question them from the perspective of her being in a relationship with me (who has these negatives). An insecure person would never be in a relationship with anyone if that was the case, that you had to account for what the other person was getting in the relationship. She is responsible for her wanting to stay in the relationship as I'm responsible for mine.
>there is always going to be something that irks you.
I'm not trying to negate that, I was just saying that it really doesn't mean much when you argue that she's fine with the situation as is, when she isn't fully aware of the situation to begin with. And for most people this is real vital - again, would YOU happily date someone who felt you were inferior physically to their ex to the point where sex was significantly less passionate?

And no I don't point out imperfections, UNLESS it is obvious to me that it might be a dealbreaker. This might be a dealbreaker to you, or otherwise you wouldn't be making multiple threads about it, and it might be a dealbreaker to her because as I said above many people would feel intimately humiliated to realize their own singular sex partner thought they were subpar compared to an ex physically.

I understand what you mean, but how long have you been dating? How can you know that your attraction won't fade further in time when the newness of the relationship wears off? How can you assure you can make her feel at least somewhat beautiful ten years down the line?

>She is responsible for her wanting to stay in the relationship
Yeah but this is slippery territory to me. Eg, if you were cheating on her it would be obvious that you can't just go "well she wants to stay with me, so obviously she's fine with being with a cheater [even if she doesn't know she is]".
Not saying this is the same but personal responsibility is tricky if you're kept in the dark.
Beggars cant be choosers. You want love and here it is.

If she was your ideal youd still crave others just you wouldn't have this context to put it in.

If shes great shes great so stick widdit.
I mean, maybe you are in the first months of your relationship and see everything through rose-colored glasses when it comes to her character. Maybe that's the reason you feel now unattracted to her, because you discovored some red flags subconsciously.

Just remember, looks fade away, but virtues prevail.
The point about her not knowing is a good one. I have some indications of that she does know, but I'll keep it in mind.

I suppose that as we get to know more about each other, less will be about the physical aspect of sex. I have already felt some of that from when I decided that I wanted to go for this relationship and that I wanted her - as a whole person - when we had sex, and I guess that I'm hoping for that to develop over time.
I think I understand your second sentence but I'm not sure. Could you elaborate?
fair point. I don't think that's what I'm feeling though, I'm really impressed with her as a person. I look up to her
Then I'm glad you had a good catch. I think you'll get over it. I had a similar phase but it faded in the next couple of weeks.

Maybe the video I shared will answer some questions you never thought about why it is actually the case, that you focus so much on her physical appearance.
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