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I'm 1.5 years away from becoming a Wizard. I've never

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I'm 1.5 years away from becoming a Wizard. I've never been in a relationship and I never will.
I have no social life and haven't for over a decade. I know of no avenues where I can go and meet people.
I have a dead-end job that doesn't keep me afloat. I'm their star employee who gets along with everybody - but it's never amounted to literally anything better for myself.
I still live with either of my parents, who are separated and distant. I have no siblings. I have nobody. I go through most days not seeing anybody or even talking.
I can't even make any online friends. I don't know where people make friends online.
I used to have many hobbies to keep myself productive and goal-oriented in my solitude. I find no joy in them anymore, because all I ever feel is constant pressure that they're just a waste of time. Time is always running out. No time for games. No time for anything. All I do during the day is wait for it to end. Sometimes I just stare at the wall or pace around my room for 2 hours.

So on all objective aspects, my life is a failure. So what am I even fucking doing? What do I even fucking do? Why am I here?
so you're just gonna make post about being a fucking loser? Self sabotage, self fulfilled prophecy i guess.

So you would rather make a post on 4chan over doing something with your life? Eventually you're going to die. So either kill yourself or find yourself. The choice is yours. Don't give us the ultimatum

I don't even know what I want to "do with my life" anymore. I feel like the lights been totally broken. I don't have any goals or dreams anymore. It's like I'm just slowly waiting to die. I don't know what happened to me.

Even if I do radically change my life situation, everything will end up the same way. Move out to an apartment? I'll stay in my room forever and go to a dead end job just like before. So why bother?
I would try mushrooms or acid, maybe fucking ketamine or ayahuasca. DESU, they show the beauty in things that you didn't see there and they get you to face your fears that are numbing you.
Are you longing for a family or purpose or some shit? Start dating then.

My loose plan was to try to get a decent ok job, and then get some fulfillment and social opportunities from my hobbies on the side, but my hobbies have recently become so unrewarding and unsatisfying and tiresome and pointless, and I have nothing else to emotionally or psychologically to rely on anymore, so I'm just drowning now.

If I get a relationship, I'd just be dependent, pathetic, and boring - he'll just get bored and tired of me. Or maybe it'll be ok, but it's not like relationships just automatically fix everything.

No point in either of these things, it'll either be a failure or just plain be unfulfilling. What else is there even to do in life? What else is there? How do people live? Is this how most people actually feel all the time, and I'm just finding out late? Have I been the naive one?


How do I date? Where do people congregate? Where do people meet? At parties they're invited to by their friends/acquaintances, of which I have none.

I used to think about wanting a family all the time but now the thought barely enters my head, it'll probably just be unfulfilling if I ever actually experienced it, and just make their lives worse since I'm such an awful worthless failure at everything

What's the point
You better get out of that depressive rut before asking for advice because you're in no position to accept any.

I know, it's annoying isn't it. I was good for a good many years actually, but hit a bad patch recently and it's just been endlessly sinking. Maybe I'm going crazy.

I think I've realized that once you do actually do get to experience things in life, or give things a good honest try - it's never all that great anyways, and doesn't really make you feel any better. Nothing's all it's cracked up to be. Every path always just causes more problems or makes things stay the same.
You've probably heard this echoed before many times, but it's been true for me and many others...

In the fight against depression, you are alone. The only person who can save you is yourself. And it's hard, I know, but that's just the kind of struggle it is. It will take you summoning every bit of your being to climb out of that hole, and sadly, you cannot expect anyone to come and give you a hand. It just will never come. This is your fight and yours alone. You coming here and making this thread is your action in retaliation against it, so remember that and keep upping the anti. Train yourself, because this isn't a fight you can win in any short time. You're in for the long haul, but you can make it.

Do go easy on yourself though, and remember that no one has to know or care that you're a wizard or ever were.
One first step is to look at your lifestyle: are you exercising regularly? Staying hydrated? How's your diet? Sleep schedule?

Getting all these things in order can help you get a handhold in climbing out of the pit you're in. Every little thing you can do to make your fight winnable is worth doing.
>Where do people congregate? Where do people meet?

really realyl? bars?? How can I go into a bar alone lol
I actually tried a nearby one once (BRAVERY! TAKING CHANCES! YEAH THINGS WILL CHANGE NOW!) and it was full of fat hairy bikers in the seediest most dangerous place ever and walked right out no thank you
I tried going to movie theaters or restaurants alone but I can't do it. the few times I've done it was just...depressing and isolating.


I feel completely alone. I used to be okay with it. Now no fun little thing keeps me distracted anymore. Now shows. No games. No music. Nothing works. I can't relax. constantly anxious, constantly neurotic, constantly restless, but also constantly hopeless and sloth. I just wish I had some goal that seemed promising. I sometimes get some aimless motivation but then it's squandered because, well, what do I...do? I am hopeless and a fucking worthless idiot.

Thank you though. All I can do is annoy people online with my whining. If I actually had friends, I'd just keep driving them away with my problems, so why bother getting friends in the first place


I eat okay. Sleep is alright. Again I'm failing to see the point of bothering... why do it? Will it make me feel happier? Why bother feeling happier? What's the point of feeling happy?
Its not going to be easy to climb out of depression on your own.. And you'll feel that too, your soul is crying out at you for you to make the changes it needs, and I guarantee you'll start feeling better once you're on the right track.

And if you do manage to make it, and I hope you do, you won't look back on your depressed years as a scar or something to be ashamed of, it will have tempered you into a better person.

Listen to that anxious feeling. Break your cycle. Stop looking for distractions and stimulation, and take matters into your own hands. Don't rely on parents or friends. There are options out there for you, even if you can't see them. Even if your perspective in life makes them invisible... they are there. There's always a choice. Awaken and see what possibilities lie before you.

You're really getting me, thank you
if only I could see them
I used to be able to now they're just faded away
I've been trying to break out, my soul YEARNING for some CHANGE, to escape from this torturing anxiety, but I just can't find it, sometimes go out driving for hours, aimlessly, finding nothing, I don't know what to do, thinking awful thoughts
I've already felt like I got over my last depression years ago...now I'm back again like I haven't actually changed anything...nothing ever gets better...

I hope I'll be able to...see my options...sometime soon...somehow ...thank you....
Bruh take courses for programming, build a portfolio and get a decent job somewhere. Join hobby/sport clubs and meet people through those and also start using online dating shit. Make sure you have social media, and maybe reach out to old friends?
And please learn how to use punctuation
We're cheering for you.
>online dating shit
This can be a powerful motivator... Getting out there and dating, even if you don't feel like it, even if you're not ready, even if you're not interested in the other person.. It can help you see a different side of yourself, can help boost your ego, and also lights fires inside you that have long laid dormant. It's helped me!

It's not too late to reinvent yourself. Talent and Training are myths compared to your human brain and its ability to adapt.
Where you at, OP? Have you tired therapy?
My father got married and laid at 37 with an 18 year old. You don't need to get laid in your 20s. It's not a big deal.
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