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Not attracted to happy people

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I've had three long relationships (2+ years) Myself I've been in therapy for several years and doing really well now, and I never had anything too bad either.
I tried dating people who are happy, well adjusted men, but I'm just not attracted to them. If someone isn't harboring some wound due to / compensated for by being highly intelligent, I feel like I can't connect. On the other hand relationships with people like that end up in a clusterfuck most of the time, and I'd like to have a steady, happy thing where we could have a house, dog and kids.

How do I program myself to find normies attractive?
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>>18060556
I am the same way. But I think it's less about wanting someone fucked up and more about wanting someone who is pessimistic, emotional, clever, and likes morbid humor.

Because I am really pessimistic, sarcastic, and witty and won't be able to stand someone I'm dating telling me "Awww, don't say thaaattt." when I make self defeating and morbid jokes.


Don't find normies attractive, find someone fucked up, but also hardworking and loyal.
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I have the same problem. I can't connect to normal women, and the relationship with traumatized ones end up in a clusterfuck. I think that something in our personalities are just broken because of our wounds and we have a hard time forgiving the world. That's why we can only connect to people who are traumatized too.
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>>18060611
>pessimistic, emotional, clever, and likes morbid humor.
That's it, more or less. And I like drowning in pessimism and then going forward and still doing everything because as much as I'm a pessimist I'm not a nihilist.

> find someone fucked up, but also hardworking and loyal
Any clue about where?

>>18060614
>traumatized
not so much, I think previous poster has it right. I want to laugh at how much I hate being alive with someone who does too, fuck like rabbits, then go back to the unending cycle of food and changing diapers
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>>18060556
I'm ALSO like that, but different than you guys I'm bubbly and way too happy. I'm so fucking happy I get annoyed at myself, and I tend to enjoy people who have a morbid sense of humor more (probably because my life have been all kinds of fucked up).
I think it's kind of an underdog version of a bad boy or something.
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Anon, you /are/ the basic bitch. Why would the wounded geniuses want to date you? What the fuck is so dope about you that they'd want to stick around? Bet you're just annoying and they're nice to you because it's probably effortless to them to offer what you think is love. Gitgud or gitrekt son!
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>>18060630
>Any clue about where?
I just stumbled upon mine at an underground show. Knew him in high school through mutual friends and he was known as being really offbeat, we clicked at that show a few years after high school. We've been together for about 6 years now. Be picky, but put yourself out there and once you find that person, pursue. Personally, after that night, I had to put more effort into dating him in the beginning because he was really jaded about relationships when I met him.

IDK, I've always met really damaged weirdos at underground music shows.
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>>18060630
This is a coping mechanism for some trauma. Being sarcastic, and pessimistic, but because of their trauma, these people have a hard time sustaining a relationship.
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>>18060663
lol no. It's literally just humor. Just because you're fucking retarded and think only in terms of emotions doesn't mean anyone who makes jokes based on what's funny and not past emotional trauma is just some wounded person with a trouble past. You can think outside of your emotions you know? It's a thing people who aren't stupid do.
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OP sounds like just another normie

"Therapy" lol

Fucking 1st world problems
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>>18060630
>I'm not nihilistic
>I want to laugh at how much I hate being alive

You will bring your partner to suicide. Just saying.
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>>18060674
Better laugh than cry about shit that's difficult to deal with, I think.

I mean, good for you if life is easy, it's never been that self-evident for me.
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>>18060672
>"Therapy" lol
ikr? What the fuck is it with basic bitches and therapy. Like they spend an eternity talking with other basic bitches about their basic bitch understanding of the world and coming up with solutions with problems that aren't really there. Like they need an entire fucking council coming up with a gameplan for just one move in their life. God damn stupid people

>therapy
fucking retards

literally fucking retards
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>>18060630
>>traumatized
>not so much, I think previous poster has it right. I want to laugh at how much I hate being alive with someone who does too, fuck like rabbits, then go back to the unending cycle of food and changing diapers

You won't find this from someone who is harboring some wound. You will only find this from normies who are intelligent, have a certain style but who are emotionally balanced.
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>>18060677
Indeed, it's just a small progression from the times when people would consult the village oracle or shaman to tell them what to do.
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>>18060677
Not op, but I had to be put in therapy because of the sudden onset of hearing voices when I was 14. Both my parents have bipolar disorder but only my mom hears voices, so they kinda put me "on watch" for the disorder. A few years later, the voices stopped, and I was officially diagnosed with depression and short term psychosis (possibly from stress and unhealthy coping mechanisms).

I didn't just go to therapy to let someone hear me complain about my girl problems... They did psych evals on me and generally made me map my emotions on some sheet so they could analyze it over a period of months to see if it seemed like I had bipolar disorder.
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>>18060556
Im am just like that! Its nice to hear that there are more people like me. All my friends tell me that I always pick the wrong guys, when it ends in a clusterfuck and thats just because I love the mentally fucked up and depressed. It sounds weird but i cant relate to happy people with a nice family and all that kind of stuff, because i never really had that and always had to take care of myself. Now men that have never had a hard time in life or are very happy are pussys to me.
How old are you? I guess that attraction will fade the older we get
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>>18060698
28.
so no, it doesn't always.

>>18060693
for me it had more to do with some form of autism that I couldn't seem to get under control
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>>18060556
What's your problem with happy people?
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>>18060719
no problem just no attraction.
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>>18060667
Op apparently does not, because she can't get over her problems or she would connect with normal people.
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>>18060724
I have plenty of normal friends. It's just that I never got the hots for them, or fell in love, or had this feeling that I wanted to see them more, get inside of their head, wanted to be at the center of their affection. I like them, just not enough to be my partner?
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Yeah OP. I get you.

And you know what? You're an immature child. You haven't grown up yet. You are still leagues away from being functional. All you are right now is a whiny self defeatist.

This is what's wrong with the world. You're the type of judgmental freak that doesn't appreciate kindness. I say put up or shut up. No one should give a shit of your needs.

You want to find a happy relationship? Nurture some humility. Become humble, even just a little humbleness will go a long way. And for God's sake grow some self respect.
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>>18060731
Do you want to save them?
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>>18060676
Life is anything but easy for me, but I don't hate being alive. I may dislike being born, but I love being alive.
I'm just saying that a relationship like that is unbalanced and most likely toxic,
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>>18060723
Then you're not emotionally healthy either.

>>18060731
What is it that interests you so much about wounded people?
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>>18060709
28 is still young tho
i was thinking about the age where women panik about getting children.. so 35-40-45?
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>>18060630
Are you literally me???

Intelligent, nihilistic and with a wicked sense of humor.
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>>18060736
>doesn't appreciate kindness
funnily enough that's the way it has always been, I'm just not used to kindness at all
>No one should give a shit of your needs
the good news for you is nobody does nor did when i was growing up

>>18060737
that's a very good point
I think that plays a big part.
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>>18060749
>What is it that interests you so much about wounded people
i feel like I can connect to them a lot more than with happy people
I like the feeling when people really baer their soul and their vulnerabilities, maybe because I'm a bit desperate to do that myself.
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>>18060736
This. It sounds like OP has a hero syndrome.
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>>18060755
Then you have a savior complex. Relationships built around that never work. If you want to save someone, help him/her be happy with life first, only then will they be able to be in a happy long term relationship. People who have their own problems need to solve those first before they can take responsibility for other people, and a relationship and a family is a big responsibility.

Trying to save people is a good thing, but building a relationship with them is a different beast.
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>>18060755
You can barely save yourself, you will not be able to form the kind of life you want with the people you want with the outlook on life you have right now.
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>>18060767
>>18060769
Do you think it can also be a case of "if I save you, you save me"? sort of thing.
Because as much as what you say is true I feel like it lacks a part. Why would someone want to find other people to save like this? Unless I get something out of it too it doesn't make sense, does it?
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>>18060775
Because helping people feels nice, especially if they have similar problems like you do. It gives a sense of purpose and achievement. Or you are wounded yourself, and having someone similar who understands you helps the pain.
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>>18060780
>Or you are wounded yourself, and having someone similar who understands you helps the pain.
damn anon you hit the nail on the head
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>>18060780
*
It is especially true for people that they want to do something kind and help someone who haven't experienced too much kindness, because they crave it. Instead of trying to build a relationship around this, try to befriend people, and learn to receive and give kindness.
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>>18060775
Someone who is perfectly happy benefits from that kind of relationship by having someone that shows them what life can be like.
In the end, you just should not look for romantic love to save yourself/someone else. It's a really romantic idea, and it's one that's all over media but in reality you either have to have a partner that makes you achieve an equilibrium or both of you should already be in a good place.
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>>18060780
This is the most immature shit I have ever read.
You don't help each other. You're so unable to function that you cannot even help yourself, how would you help someone just like you? You don't better yourself by hanging out with people just like you, you just allow yourself to cry over yourself and wallow in self pity. That's all you do.
You need someone to compensate you. Someone to understand you, but someone extremely different from you. That's how you grow up.
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>>18060789
To
>>18060786
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>>18060800
This. It's like you are surrounding yourself in an echo chamber.
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>>18060786
But you will never have a functioning relationship this way, for the things I mentioned before. You need to get over your own pain instead.
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you're attracted to people who are like yourself

you'll gravitate towards happy people when you yourself are happy.
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>>18060611
I find that interesting. Me and my girlfriend are like that, highly self-deprecating. But then we both do some form of the "aww don't say that" thing, and comfort each other. It makes us both feel better about ourselves, even if it is slightly autistic.
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