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Self Isolation

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I feel an obsessive, compulsive need to burn bridges. Then, once reduced to ash, I mourn for the structural integrity I had.

I do this, over and over again. Never learning my lesson. Knowing full well the devastating emotions I'll feel once all is said and done. I cannot help it. Something comes over me. Something that I have no control over. It can happen at any moment, for any reason.

Why can't I make this stop?
>>
I do this, too. Frankly, I think it's the same reason I'm so adamant about not having a Facebook. The difference is that I don't burn bridges so much as just ghost people with the excuse that if they wanted to get into contact with me, they would. I even made a new steam account and stopped playing certain games to avoid people for no real reason.

I remember a conversation I had with a friend about it being weird and awkward seeing people you haven't seen in years, and what he said still haunts me. He said that he would be excited seeing them again, and I just couldn't comprehend it. Like, that thought literally hadn't occurred to me at all, and it still bothers me now.
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>>18059242
I think I'm like this too.

What I've been doing is calling up old friends and saying I still like them/want to be friends again. It's amazing how many people will just pick up a friendship again after years apart.
>>
No facebook, no friends, no problem. All the people I know are old neighbors, and only one, an old lady who feeds cats do I talk to often.

My only problem is, I've always been an only child, and mostly alone. I don't wanna get old alone. But I realize I dislike the idea of establishing transient, otherwise insignificant relationships. I prefer meaningful relationships.
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>>18059257

I'm a 27 year old dude, and that shit just blow me away. I don't even know how to react to that.
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Wow a thread for anti social fucks like me.
Only child here. I was a social outcast and bullied a lot in early years of schooling. Burning bridges comes naturally to me. I wish I could live with the idea of dying alone. But something keeps pulling me back vainly trying to connect with others.
I don't even feel like I have a foundational understanding of how to build and maintain normal healthy relationships anymore. Mom died early, Dad's a homeless narcissist, and I want to die just not right now and certainly all alone because why build up a meaningful relationship at this point if I intend to one day kms?
Feels hopeless man, caught between wanting to end myself or finally moving onwards to some kind of connection.
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>>18059242
>The difference is that I don't burn bridges so much as just ghost people with the excuse that if they wanted to get into contact with me, they would.
This is me literally. I don't know why I do this but I've done it multiple times throughout school/highschool (and i'll probably do it in college too). It mostly happens when I realise I'm the only one making an effort so I ghost them to see what would happen and most of my conclusions are that I was wasting my time.
Also I don't have good memories of some of those people, so it's not hard for me to do that.
But i'll admit that part of it is my fault, because 85% of the time I have my phone in plane mode and I only turn it on when I know people will want to talk to me (like "i'll text you later about x" or for my birthday) and I have no social media.

>He said that he would be excited seeing them again, and I just couldn't comprehend it
I can't either. A couple weeks ago my father found an old classmate of mine and he told him that he was wondering how I was doing and that he kept trying to find me on facebook (i don't have one) to talk to me. Which strikes me as weird because on school he ignored me all the time.
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>>18059333
Yeah it's been working great. One girl said she really enjoyed our time together and she'll always happy to chat. A bunch of old guy friends invited me over to board game night for the first time in years.
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>>18059384
I don't even think I'm necessarily that anti social because like you, I eventually feel that urge to try and connect with someone. Surely that urge alone means we aren't 100% antisocial, right?

But then I'll eventually find someone to connect with and sooner or later, out comes the napalm and down goes that bridge.
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>>18059461
So how do you start this conversation exactly?
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>>18059446

Yea, that's kinda how it went down, and I always felt out of the loop anyway, like an after thought. I don't know if my memories of my friends are good or if I wanted them to be good, which probably isn't a healthy state of mind.

My parents did that to me, except he was one of my best friends growing up. He called me and we talked for like an hour I think, but the whole thing felt weird to me in a way that I can't even explain.

>>18059461

I kinda did that once and it felt like a mistake. I ran into some friends I used to work with at a MtG event and was invited over to play later that night. We were all really close even after the store closed, and I actually got them jobs at this small businesses my other friend hooked me up with. Long story short, I was let go because business suddenly dropped, and I stopped being invited over for weekly gatherings. When I ran into them at this event, things were cool, and we all went and hung out again, but it felt uncomfortable and I kinda wish I had never gone. That was 2 years ago now, maybe three, and I haven't heard from them since.
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>>18059512
I've literally just been saying "Hey how've you been" and stuff like that, talk about how long it's been and what we've been up to, mention that we should hang out more
I should say I haven't literally phoned them. It's been texting, social media and some face-to-face conversation
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>>18059588
I've had this a couple times and to me it has always felt like both of us are just being polite. I had a really old friend add me on Facebook again recently. We've known each other for at least 20 years but we hadn't been in contact for nearly 8 or so of those. He added me and we got chatting. It was good to hear from him and I'm happy that he's doing well but we both did the whole 'Yeah we need to catch up over a few drinks for sure man!' thing but it never happened. I'm partly to blame too, I should have tried more than once but to me the whole thing just felt like we were both trying to be polite.
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>>18058953
I feel this way too, although I wouldn't say I establish the bridges in the first place - I just don't feel the connection with others in the first place. I had some friends who I'd known for years, I saw them several times a week but once I got a new job my schedule conflicted with theirs and I literally stopped talking to them just like that. They were my only social life, they were really good to me, I'd go around to their places to do shit and I just went from talking to them often to nothing. I don't even feel a sense of loss over it. I'm sad that I don't have the conenction with them, but I'm not actually sad over losing them if that makes sense.
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>>18059749
I know this feeling pretty well, but sometimes I look back and feel sad about it all
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>>18059446
>This is me literally. I don't know why I do this but I've done it multiple times throughout school/highschool (and i'll probably do it in college too). It mostly happens when I realise I'm the only one making an effort so I ghost them to see what would happen and most of my conclusions are that I was wasting my time.

Ay yo! Anons serving up Friday night feels.

I do this so much. I think:
>Why contact me again? We obviously lost touch for a reason.

I'm all about that intj autism.
>>
>>18059850

Sometimes I think I might legitimately be autistic. The worst part is that it isn't exactly an impossibility considering that my brother is an aspie.
Thread posts: 17
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