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My brain won't stop with her

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So, I fucked up and ruined a relationship of 10 years with my gf (I guess ex now).

A few months ago I freaked out over an abortion she had, after we had both talked and figured we weren't ready for a child. The thing is she ended up having it in such a short time and it consequently landed on my birthday.
Some things were exchanged and after months of trying to fix things she continues to stonewall me. Sadly, I can't keep doing this forever. I'm losing sleep, my hair has started to fall out from the stress and my health is deteriorating. To be honest, I would nothing more than to be with her and fix things, but if we won't let me close again, there's no point. I have asked if we could try talking about things, but she just deflects the question or mentions she's too busy to talk about it. Pretty much feel like she's dragging me around out of spite now.

Part of me, I feel, just wants closure, one way or the other. But, I know her well, I have doubts that she would ever be able to say it out right that she's done with me. Although I really am feeling like she is. I have tried talking, but I get more conversation from a brick wall.

I guess it's best that I just start walking away and focusing on other things.

Here's the problem, I can't. I can't get her out of my head. At work, no matter how intensive, I have her floating around. At home when I am trying to relax, or hang out with friends, I can't stop thinking about her. How do I start to forget?

tl;dr How do I get over a 10 year relationship gone south?
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What part about the abortion did you freak out about? You both agreed it was the best option, so why did you get all frazzled that it occurred? If it was because it happened on your birthday, it's OK to be upset about because she an schedule it for nearly any day of the week. But again, not a freak out.

How did you let a 10 year relationship go over a abortion, anyway?

Also, it could be the fact that she just wanted to to fuck around with other people after being in a 10 year relationship.

2 things to think about.
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For your tl;dr question: time, booze, new pussy, and drugs.
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>>18058196
It pretty much started when we found out she was pregnant. I was suspicious that she was like a month before we even tested for it. She kept denying it as just hormones. I really couldn't fight for my side as it was her body. I started to mentally prepare myself for the possibility that I was going to be a dad.

When we took the test, and both came back as pregnant. I tried to reassure her that things were going to be alright, and that with some work we would be okay.

She freaked out, and started off with "I don't want to get fat, I don't want to quit school, etc." I guess that broke my composure and I suggested abortion then.
A week went on we argued about her getting one and I told her to just get it if she wanted it, and she got her ultrasound on Thursday, and on Friday (my birthday) after her being quiet for a bit, told me she had gotten it done.
I fucked up by not asking when she had scheduled it, and by not telling her that I was thinking we could have talked about it.

She got it and filled up with guilt, and started to blame me for being pushy with her getting an abortion.

Shit spiraled put from there and we broke up a day after her abortion.
>>
>wanting a whore that murdered your child
>>
>>18058196
as for how I freaked out. After she had gotten the abortion I was the one that initiated the talks to break up. And I'm guessing that after having gone through with the surgery it was way too much for her to handle that. In my state at the time I was completely blown away at the type of person that she was, I guess. I had never expected her to react in such a way to such news, so I didn't know what to do anymore. I know I handled it poorly and I apologized for my mistakes and terrible behavior in all that. I admitted my mistakes and have been doing what I can to work on them.

Sometimes I think that she thinks herself blameless in all this.
>>
>>18058276
Of course she's blameless, she's done nothing wrong. You should never have a child because someone else wants one. Creating a life is just as serious as taking one. Would you commit murder if she really, really, really wanted you to?
>>
Be direct: tell her you want closure, one way or another.
While I cannot know it sounds like she is purging guilt by scapegoating you. In less technical terms she is blaming you to feel better.
"I didn't want this but he forced me into it." It is likely that she did not want to have a child but also did not want an abortion. By thinking this way she can get an abortion but avoid feeling guilt, or atleast reduce it.

Again this is conjecture. I would guess she will avoid talking about it because if she does it will force her to face the irrationality of this thought process, which she, consciously or otherwise, wants to avoid.

By confronting her directly you may be able to determine how truthful this is.


As for getting over it, first off I'm really sorry man. I ended a three year relationship last month and it hurts like a bitch I can't imagine the pain you're going through. Two things brought me some comfort:

1) this is a loss of identity which is the worst kind of psychological pain. At some level you associate who you are with who you are with: "I'm X's boyfriend/husband/partner/etc."
When that stops being true it's rough to say the least. Focus on building identity. What are other things that make you, you? Throw yourself into them.

2) Complete separation. Unfriend and block on social media, delete the contact on your phone, get rid of anything that reminds you strongly of her. Completely remove what's left of her from your life. It will be painful but if you don't it will only foster holding on. Eventually, you will think of her less and less.


Good luck in everything man.
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>>18058297
The life was already created
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>>18058315
Guys let's not argue the morality of abortion here. It's not about that it's about moving on. Don't make this about your political/moral ideology.
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>>18058315
And there was still time to reverse that horrible, life-changing mistake. The only difference between conception and murder is that one of those terrible choices can be remedied.
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>>18058297
The thing is that she later went on to tell me that she wanted the kid. When she told me her reason why she did it, she told me "I didn't want the baby to get in the way of your life". When I was the one that supported having a child. Sadly, I only suggested the abortion because her reaction was one of complete despair and her remarks that "her life was over" put the thought that not having the kid would be for the best. What she told me, as her reason, was also mine. I thought that she didn't want to stop her life for a kid, so I suggested abortion, she agreed.

The lack of good communication, from both ends. Perhaps, inability of either one of us to understand the other.
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>>18058322
Get the fuck out, I'll say whatever I want to. Neck yourself if you don't like it.
>>18058325
So you be the one who puts the pin back in the grenade.
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>>18058322
If you want to abort, do it. Just don't try and convince me you didn't end the life of your child
I'd call her out on it and point step by step how she's not blameless but you want her back so do what's best for you

>>18058325
Yeah, typical woman way of paying the blame. It's a standard maneuver of theirs, they never want to be responsible for their own decisions
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