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Feel like a bitch

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Why does it seem like every time I get into a heated confrontation online or in person I feel like tearing up and getting jittery. It's like I get an immediate adrenaline rush in confrontational situations that makes me anxious and then I feel teary. I know in my mind I'm not in a really bad situation but I feel like I have to hold back tears anytime someone talks down to me, even if I am in the right. It feel stupid that I crack so easily, I hate it.

How do I toughen up?
I dont want to turn away like a coward from problems out of fear I may shed a tear!
I want to face problems head on and stand up for myself!
It's like I steer to sadness instead of strength when things go bad.
I do I quit being such a weak faggot?
I dont want to be some agro faggot that makes things worse, I just want to keep my cool when people get in my face.
option 1: experience (start small and repeat)
option 2: therapy

do not use alcohol/benzodiazepines
How do I start?
small, with a friend, roleplay, small stakes

how to make it easier:
-talk in third person
-no eye contact
-skip hard parts
-talk in past tense
Damn thats gonna be a weird request
"hey man, talk shit to me because I need to get over my sissyness"
But its a fair piece of advice, better than going around picking real fights

In my opinion you did the first steps by accepting and realizing your problem and thinking about it.

Have you ever been bullied or something like that? A close friend of mine has the same problems and everybody (teachers, classmates both) bullied him from the age of 6 till' 20. Now he is 31 and has massive anxiety when there is a need to talk to people (even if he has to ask ticket from the bus driver), playing online is a total disaster if some kid starts to rage on him.

A few months ago he admitted his problem, still doing these breakdowns but less than before. You're not the only one with this problem and there is always a way to change. Remember you're the only one who can change yourself and it's a hard way to do it, but it worth.

some poemfagiarism fo' encouragement

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate,
I am the captain of my soul.
Yeah I dont talk in online games for those reasons. The moment people go off on me its like I get all choked up and say stupid shit in my defence and later on I think of all the better things I could have said to back my side and I get pissed off.

I did have some bullying when I was younger. I tried making friends, I took their banter too seriously and started arguements that just devolved into them all berating me. I was an outcast in elementary school and I wasnt really able to shed that stage until highschool when I joined a club and made a circle of friends. I dont think that experience crippled me to the point like your friend but I fucking suck at disputes and I tend to usually think the worst of strangers.
Most of the time Im happy to find that everyone isnt out to get me but that inkling never goes away. I like to think Im a well adjusted young man but I cant stand up to adversity or opposition worth a damn. Its embarrasing because what am I gonna do, hide from conflict my whole life? Not with my asperations.
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