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What do I tell a friend who was quite literally cucked?

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A friend of mine met a girl through a dating website back in October. I'm well aware this is a red flag, but the story is full of them. Continuing on, he's an inexperienced person when it comes to relationships. He really hit it off with this chick and up til December things were going swimmingly for the two of them.
He recently told me she had been emotionally distant since December. Which leads to today. Turns out, she cheated on him with her "ex", a guy who abused her physically and emotionally that she had been trying to get away from, when she was home for Christmas. She told him she felt guilty about what she did because she loves him, and felt that she didn't deserve all the affection and attention he was lavishing on her (which is the damned truth of it).
My friend busted his ass for 3 months working odd jobs and a regular job to save up the money to cross the country and visit her all the way out on the East Coast. She let him make the trip. Then she unloaded all this on him. She wants to work things out though.

He called me from his hotel room, crying, and explained everything I just outlined. He's extremely distraught, and I did what I could, but what the hell do I tell the guy? He has no clue how to proceed. He still loves her, so he can't and won't get angry, and he wants to also work things out, but he knows for a fact that if he does that it's just going to lead to even worse things to come. I did what I could, but ultimately, I'm at a loss. I don't know what to tell someone on the receiving end of an emotionally abusive relationship that stems from the abuser being on the receiving end of an emotionally abusive relationship. Clearly she doesn't have the capacity for a healthy relationship and he's stuck in that vicious "first love" spiral of "It's never going to be like this ever again with anyone else if I leave". This isn't going to end prettily.
He's stuck 4500km from home and his plane doesn't leave til Sunday. How can I help him cope 'til then?
>>
>Buy a plane ticket
>Talk to your friend
>Tell him the girl isn't worth it and you're going to experience more pain if you end up forgiving her
>Tell him he doesn't have to get angry, but he has to logically reason to himself that the relationship was lopsided from the get-go and she truly is not worth it
>Go to bars
>Fly back on sunday
>>
mediate bro. (to him)

think about what you want in life. get a solid understanding. Then go fucking talk to the girl about it.
>>
>>18056986
Most of the times listening to a friend and being there for him is the best you can do, but depends on the person. If he can't say anything, figure out if he wants just sit in silence or needs someone to help shoo negative thoughts away.

I feel sorry for the guy, but both the girl. I'd rather find the abusive guy and kick the shit out of him. He is the real splinter in the anus here.

The girl needs help. You're friend is a good guy. You're a nice guy either OP, wish all of you the best.
>>
>>18056992
I'm not taking a 2 day trip to New York. I don't have the money right now, or any time to take off work, even though it's only a short trip north for me.

>>18056993
I tried asking him those questions. All he really wants is someone that loves him. Otherwise he's pretty happy with his life.

And he tried to talk to the girl. She just got defensive and started claiming he was being judgemental of her and that she "already felt bad enough" about it. She's fundamentally broken. He's aware of that now, but he's stuck on her.

>>18056999
Thanks for the kind words. I've been talking to him all night every hour or so. He's slowly calming down, but heartbroken. Poor dude's had a rough few months for a few reasons.
>>
>>18057009
Just ask him to come and meet you at your place then. Trip is ruined and getting wasted with a bro while ranting over women is the best medicine.
>>
>>18057009
What if you ask him if he can switch his flight to an earlier one so he doesn't have to beat himself up mentally in a hotel room?
>>
I think the best thing to do is just be his friend like you are now, and let him ventilate. Remind him he's not alone. Maybe try to lighten the mood and distract him with a different topic once he calms down. Stuff like "so how does New York compare to home? See anything weird or funny yet?", etc.

It doesn't sound like there's much hope in a stable relationship with her unless she gets help or tries to improve herself, so I hope your friend realizes it's better in the long run to let go and move on.
>>
>>18057016
It may seem like I'm shooting down everything with these responses, but he's basically out of money at this point and I don't know anything about early return on a round-trip ticket. I'll have to ask him when he wakes up. Maybe he can call them and ask.

>>18057034
Yeah...I really hope he makes the right decision and walks away. Like, I get it. I know what first love feels like. I know how soul crushing it is when it ends. I just hope he realizes that the first time isn't the last.
I really don't think this girl is capable of confronting her issues and improving. Which really sucks, because aside from this, she was the perfect match for him.

For that matter, I'd like to thank the few of you who posted here so far for giving me a chance to re-ventilate all this. Sometimes even helpers need to seek help.
>>
That's hard, man. Been in a similar boat. Hearing people cheat is so sad and depressing.

My cheating ex made me feel like I was just "being a crazy bitch" when I calmly said something was "off" and my stupid "in love" mind thought the red flags were just me overthinking.

I was so shocked I left on the spot. I wanted an answer or something a few days later (don't fucking know, man...) but thankfully things didn't continue.

He knows he shouldn't continue it, but he'll have to make that decision for himself.

In the meantime, just keep talking to him and maybe talk on skype so it can feel more personal. How much was the ticket? Maybe tell him to demand his girlfriend to pitch in for the ticket, you can help a bit too, and send him back sooner? But just keep talking to him. Don't yell or be mean. Tell him this won't be the end.

By the way you're a good friend to come here looking for advice. How sweet. Wish there were more people like you.
>>
>>18056986
Don't talk. Listen. What he needs more than anything is an unjudgmental ear letting him pour out all his unhappiness and venom - and then forgetting it all.
>>
He seems to have passed out from exhaustion. Thank you everyone for your time and your advice. I will continue to listen and talk him through this to the best of my ability, but for now, I also need to sleep.

>>18057064
Thank you, I'm sorry to hear you've been in a similar situation. I hope you're in a much better place now. I will be sure to have him call the airport to see about getting home sooner as you and the other anon suggested.
Thread posts: 12
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