[Boards: 3 / a / aco / adv / an / asp / b / bant / biz / c / can / cgl / ck / cm / co / cock / d / diy / e / fa / fap / fit / fitlit / g / gd / gif / h / hc / his / hm / hr / i / ic / int / jp / k / lgbt / lit / m / mlp / mlpol / mo / mtv / mu / n / news / o / out / outsoc / p / po / pol / qa / qst / r / r9k / s / s4s / sci / soc / sp / spa / t / tg / toy / trash / trv / tv / u / v / vg / vint / vip / vp / vr / w / wg / wsg / wsr / x / y ] [Search | | Home]

Being ghosted by a friend I haven't heard from a female

This is a blue board which means that it's for everybody (Safe For Work content only). If you see any adult content, please report it.

Thread replies: 18
Thread images: 1

Being ghosted by a friend

I haven't heard from a female friend (FRIEND okay? Not crush) in 5 months. We would talk all the time, but then she ignored my texts and hasn't said anything to me since September.

How many strikes would you give a friend (she's done it several times before, but only for 2 months tops), and how long would you go before writing them off forever? People say you have to consider others' lives and what they might have going on, but i say that's bullshit. I have stuff going on too but i can make time for my friends. It only takes a second to text 'hi'. One second out of 5 months. If someone did that to you and came back after a long time, would you be happy that they're back and be nice to them? Would you call them out on it, or simply just not even bother replying?

There's a chance she might come back, but she's done this several times now, will probably do it again, and if she comes back i kinda just wanna say fuck off and be done with her. Would that be irrational?
>>
keeping score of who has been in touch with you when is pointless. i'd rather not hear from people than getting a meaningless ping once in a while. your contacts are assets. if you want a friend, get a dog.
>>
What are you even talking about? Friends don't ignore you for 5 months. Move on already.
>>
>>18056426

You're right. But how do i handle it if she ever texts me again out of the blue? She may never, but i'll go out on a limb and say that she probably will think of me one day and hit me up. She has done that where she hasn't talked to me in forever then i'll get a text from her saying she misses me and she's sorry she hasn't been around. I've always been nice about it, but i've given her enough strikes.
>>
What excuses would she give before for ignoring for you for so long with no warning? Friends don't treat friends that way, friends treat pushovers that way.
>>
>>18056663

None. She once said she was sorry for being a bad friend and wanted to hang out again soon. One time she said if she doesn't get back to me then to text and call her a million times until she does, or go knock on her door. I'm not gonna do that shit. I texted her 5 times over the course of 2 or 3 weeks the last time i tried contacting. That's more than enough.

The last time i saw her we met up at a music festival. I don't know if i maybe offended her somehow because she was excited as fuck when i arrived, but i told her i'd meet back up with her later after we split to see some bands we wanted to see and she said okay. Called her a few times when i was done with my bands, she never answered. She said the next day her phone was on airplane mode, and that's really the last i heard from her.

I didn't ditch her either, she was with some friends and i didn't take all day to get back to her. I spent 2 maybe 3 hours watching my bands while she was at hers.
>>
>>18056663

She also once told me she has a bad habit of ghosting guys. So there's a warning. But i was under the impression that she meant guys she would date, not her friends.
>>
>>18056407
>your contacts are assets. if you want a friend, get a dog.

This is what practicality looks like. I wish more people thought this way.
>>
>>18056714
>>18056720
For my sanity, for the love of god, please have some respect for yourself. Don't try to make someone a main part of your life when you're some side piece for whenever.
>>
>>18056239
I used to go through this with friends, initially I had no problems pushing for hang outs and stuff but then I got jaded when I felt like the only one initiating. I would hang back and wait for them and heard nothing so I assumed the worst.

Thing is they might just be waiting for you to make the call, just like your friend might be. I've been guilty of the same and I feel bad because I know that if the other person didn't reach out we wouldn't have been friends to this day.

If you really want to spend time with someone etc. then make a push for it. Don't worry about anything else until it's perfectly obvious the person just doesn't give a fuck about you anymore. A lot of people treat friendships as low-effort things, and friends as people to hang out with when they're bored. That sounds kinda shitty like they don't care about you and I'm not trying to imply they don't but then again you may have to consider that you're not a priority either. If you're not OK with not feeling a priority you could just stop talking to her too. I gave up on a female friend after she got a BF and told me that she only ever really wants to spend time with him. I was upset for a while because she was a good friend who I could talk about anything with and felt jealous that she'd rather be with him but I just sucked it up and dealt with it. I'm sure if they broke up she'd suddenly want to hang out again but I'm not waiting for that day cause I've already moved on.
>>
>>18056784

I'm not. I miss her sometimes but if she doesn't really want to be my friend, so be it. I was just wondering if i'm being reasonable, since some people apparently go a long time without talking to their friends.
>>
>>18056818

Solid advice, but i tried reaching out to her a bunch. I know she is the type to wait for people to initiate but i'm pretty sure i did enough times.
>>
>>18056833
You're right that texts aren't easy to get back to and if she can't even be bothered to follow up a text from a friend she's probably not somebody you need in your life.

Part of having relationships of any kind usually means putting up with some form of BS, but with my best friends we call each other out on our shit so it's OK. If you two don't really go deep enough to call each other out on shit like this the friendship may not be as deep and meaningful as you thought it was, unfortunately. For me anyways, being a good friend or otherwise means being honest about who you are and really showing that you are paying attention to the other person and showing interest in them and their life enough to say something about it.

To be honest though in my experience when people act like this to me, they act like this to most people. i.e. friends who are flaky with me act flaky with others, or friends who are really late to show up when I invite them out do the same to other people. So don't take it too personally or feel like it's a reflection of you being a shitty person UNLESS you did something terrible and know it.
>>
>>18056841
Meh at that point it's crucial to ask yourself if you want to deal with this shit. Seriously. I've had friends pull this "I don't talk first" line on me and it's often the first step to me cutting contact with them. I can deal with certain things but that's not really one of them. I get if you're going through something and aren't in the mood to chat or if you need a little support and feel too 'weak' to reach up but straight up demanding that from other people is unfair and kinda petty.

Worst is when they say this kinda shit but then you see them hitting up their crush or lover or some other friend to hang out. Apparently it only applies to people they don't give a fuck about, duh. But anyways...
>>
>>18056856
>>18056841

Anyways without projecting too much more of my own experiences I would say a couple things

Friendship is not about scorekeeping like the above anon said. I know it's frustrating when you feel taken for granted or forgotten but the important thing is that if you pull away, you're not doing it because you feel like you're owed something, you're doing it because you don't want to waste time after you clearly opened yourself up and tried to continue the friendship.

Second of all, trust your gut. That's what I do more of these days, with women I want to date or simple friends. Generally speaking when given the run around I just sort of back off and focus on other things. Sometimes they come back (I've had women return texts a week after me sending them for example) but to be honest once I reach out with genuine interest and somebody takes forever to get back to me, I sort of just give up because I know I'm not their priority and don't want to bet on it changing. So think about if that's your situation or if its' an exception. The fact that you made this thread is not a good sign IMO but who knows.
>>
>>18056239
Comrade look. Easiest and most healthy way for you to handle this is to cut them off dont say good bye or anything block/unfriend them on everything and let them live in the past. Because people who do more bad than good to you aint worth it no matter what.
>>
>>18056714
Sounds like maybe she does hard drugs? I have an addict in my family who dissapears for several weeks or even months anytime she meets someone with a pocket full of meth.
>>
How much wood could a wood chuck chuck wood?
Thread posts: 18
Thread images: 1


[Boards: 3 / a / aco / adv / an / asp / b / bant / biz / c / can / cgl / ck / cm / co / cock / d / diy / e / fa / fap / fit / fitlit / g / gd / gif / h / hc / his / hm / hr / i / ic / int / jp / k / lgbt / lit / m / mlp / mlpol / mo / mtv / mu / n / news / o / out / outsoc / p / po / pol / qa / qst / r / r9k / s / s4s / sci / soc / sp / spa / t / tg / toy / trash / trv / tv / u / v / vg / vint / vip / vp / vr / w / wg / wsg / wsr / x / y] [Search | Top | Home]
Please support this website by donating Bitcoins to 16mKtbZiwW52BLkibtCr8jUg2KVUMTxVQ5
If a post contains copyrighted or illegal content, please click on that post's [Report] button and fill out a post removal request
All trademarks and copyrights on this page are owned by their respective parties. Images uploaded are the responsibility of the Poster. Comments are owned by the Poster.
This is a 4chan archive - all of the content originated from that site. This means that 4Archive shows an archive of their content. If you need information for a Poster - contact them.