looking for advice from people in committed relationships, preferably

>>18055572

anytime you get into an argument or discussion in general you need to stop and tell both of you to approach this sympathetically.

we usually discuss things intending to win, but if we entered them wanting to lose?

>>18055577
na we never fight, like have literally never raised our voices at each other in like 8years together. don't really argue either, I just feel like the work load in our relationship is kind off unbalanced. i work a lot and take care of the kids and house, and I'm wondering how to make things a bit more even.

>>18055588

well what does your partner do?

>>18055600
he's in school right now. I know that is a lot of work by itself, and I don't expect him to get a job on top of that, but just helping more with the kids and house would make a big difference. I'm pregnant and work really early morning hours and have just been so tired lately.

>>18055619

talk to him. dont antagonize, and see if he can make a commitment to something specific. not a 'ill try to help more' but set up some sort of schedule to be adjusted as you go along

>>18055572
We bartered our kid to her sister. We gave her sister a car, 5 grand and the kid in exchange for peace of mind and no obligation.

We haven't seen the kid in 1 year and life is so much easier an we go on vacations, have time for romance, movies, you name it.

Kids put a ton of stress on relationships.

>>18055630
im not his mom lol, I don't want to give him a chore chart. I told him I need more help, I don't feel like I should have to ask him to do every little thing that needs don't. like I want him to just change the diaper without being asked or pack lunch for school without me telling him to. if I'm constantly having to nag at him to have him do stuff I'd just as soon do it myself. I don't like telling him what to do, it's weird needing help with domestic stuff to begin with.

>>18055649
my kids are little and I don't feel like they are a stress, they are a joy. they might keep us busy but we both love being parents.

>>18055716
>like I want him to just change the diaper without being asked or pack lunch for school without me telling him to. if I'm constantly having to nag at him to have him do stuff I'd just as soon do it myself. I don't like telling him what to do, it's
weird needing help with domestic stuff to begin with.

Tell him exactly this.

I just broke up with my gf. But just be more curious. I always tried to get her to admit to my percieved wrong doings. IE, i felt that she was too defensive, and I tried telling her I felt that say. But she was so defensive even using "I feel" statements were triggering for her. I found it was more effective to say
>"Do you think you do anything wrong in this relationship?"
>what are those things
>how do you think i feel when you do that?
>how would you feel if i did that to you

Ultimately it still took a lot of coaxing, and she repeating the same behaviors. But asking her what she feels was more effective in opening communication than telling her what I felt. Sadly, the fact that she never cared what I felt was the reason i broke up with her.

So in your situation maybe ask him if he feels that you guys are contributing equally. Then ask him what he thinks would be a fair way to divide the labor.

>>18055716

So you had a kid, while he's still in school, you're the only breadwinner, and you're pregnant again?

This is why I say people shouldn't fucking have kids when these threads pop up. I bet neither of you two are even old enough to drink.

My absolute disgust at you and your family aside, if you want help, you need to communicate help. He's not just going to magically start packing lunch or going on diaper duty without being asked, especially because it sounds like he's an irresponsible shitbag to start.

Start using condoms, fuck.

>>18055572
Honestly she's ugly as shit I don't make it work because I don't want to. Have always been 'busy' fucking other women who are young and beautiful

>>18056079
Holy shit you're triggered. OP says she and her husband love each other and love being parents. No relationship is perfect, and her life sounds way better and happier than the vast majority of people here.

You make me want to get knocked up right now and pop out another little one just to make you more mad lol

>>18056079
no he's going back to school to get his masters, we own a home, I'm 27 and he's 30 we have an 8yo and an 18 month old and I'm pregnant with our 3rd now. we love being parents and provide well for our children. my kids have nice clothes, go to private school and are in lots of sports and activities. I'm not some teen Mom with a bunch of baby daddies. I'm a working mother and wife who has a family with her husband.

>>18056040
ill try this

>>18056196
Good luck OP. I'm honestly jelly of your situation. I hope I have a big, loving, and happy family like that one day.

From what I've seen, one of the hardest things for people to accept in relationships is that people aren't mind readers. No matter how much we want it and would LOVE for our partners to know exactly what we want and do it by their own volition, that's not possible.

Communication is sssential.

>>18056210
thank you. I get what you mean, I don't think he should have to be a mind reader. i just don't want to be like on his ass if you know what I mean. I guess I need to find a way to let him know with out having to remind him a the time. I know he doesn't mind when I ask him to do stuff, I just don't want him feeling like I'm imposing on him.

>>18055588
Just know that it's a psychological phenomena that everyone overinflates their own contribution. Ask any two partners, and their total contribution will be over 100%.
Just a good thing to keep in mind when you wanna talk about things like this

>>18056223
There will be times where maybe you'll nag, or maybe he will forget or be lazy, but you'll find that balance with some practice.

>>18056231
I'm not over inflating what I do, I work 5 days a week go in at 4am, drive home on my brake make lunch for school and then run our older daughter to school, go back into work. get off at either 1 or 3 in the afternoon and then go home, take care of little one once I'm home, she always needs feed and changed or a bath when I get there. then I go pick up the older one from school and run her to whatever activity she has the evening, get home make dinner, clean the house, get the kids baths and in bed. I do 100% of the cleaning and cooking and all of the running around for the kids. my husband only watches our youngest for a few hours before I get home from work.

some men just need some direction. it's not about being a nag, it's about communication and helping each other out.

what's really sad is that you're putting your and your husband's feelings before your fetus. you'd rather do more harm to your fetus and your body by doing more work than to communicate with your lazy husband.

everyones advice including my own; fucking talk to him. if he forgets to do something, tell him. if you know he'll forget something later: write it down. jesus christ. 27 and 30 yrs old and youre both retarded.