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I have somewhat idiotic problem /adv/ and I don't know how to deal with it.
I've been with my bf for nearly a year and he's wonderful, it's going very well and I'm happy. The problem is that it is almost like the longer we are together and the more I'm in love with him, the more insecure about it I get. I've never been insecure, but now suddenly I'm hesitating at everything. I see him on a few days a week and those days are wonderful. Then I start to miss him when I don't see him, but texting him would seem like intruding on his time. I've never called him, because I'm not sure that would be welcome. When I have time to dwell on it, I start to question if I'm too tactile and too needy when I do see him. What if one of the reasons he likes me is that I let him have his "off" time too, so texting him or contacting him would be like breaking some silent agreement. We have mutual friends, but they don't really know about us, because we like to keep it private. Until sometimes at night I start to wonder if maybe he doesn't want people know that he's with me, specifically, because it's me.
I've never doubted myself like this and I don't know what to do or how to bring this up. He makes me very happy, but at the same time it's like I'm constant scared of crossing some invisible line that will fuck it all up. Is this normal? Do people in long term relationships feel like this? He's my first love, so I have no context for comparison.
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>>18055537
a path to the dark side, the fear of loss is
on the present, you must focus
discuss these things with him, you should
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>>18055575
I don't even know how to start discussing it, Yoda. Asking my own damn SO if it's okay if I text him on occasion seems just stupid. Theoretically I know he'd be fine with it, but if I have nothing really to say, I'd just send pointless harassing messages, and I talk myself out of it. I'm probably gonna go full sith some time soon like this.
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Well the best solution, as almost always, would be to talk about it. Just explain how you feel and see what his thoughts on it are. It's probably just your insecurity, but if he really is the kind of person who needs a lot of own space then it will be good to know that. It's impossible to try and guess what someone wants and needs, maybe he actually wishes that you would contact him more, and is also anxious about the same thing. Communicate, no accusing or drama, just calmly discuss how you feel and what is bothering you.
But yes, it's normal to feel nervous about losing something or someone you really care about, and becoming so careful that it starts to stress you out. But a good relationship will last through problems and conflicts. There will be disagreeing, fighting, needs not meeting and not understanding each other. But you'll work through it. Try not to be too scared about doing something that he doesn't 100% like, you should be yourself, and be honest about what you want and need.
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>>18055589
It's normal to text your bf,
no contact between days of not seeing each other is highly unusual
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>>18055589
I text my girlfriend constantly throughout the day. Random messages of love or things happening, nothing important really. I thought I was being clingy or something so I talked to her about it and it turns out she enjoys being able to see a random love message when she is having a bad day at work or something.
Point being, talk to him. Communication is key to a happy and long lasting relationship. Don't be worried about how he will take it or what will happen.
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>>18055617
>Random messages of love or things happening, nothing important really.
This is actually really helpful. I've wondered what couples who text alot write about. I always feel I have to have something to say, but I suppose texting about whatever could work.
Maybe I'll just start a careful texting campaign first and then ask him if he minds.
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>>18055537
My first boyfriend was like this, but way worse. This reminds me of the slow transition when it got bad.
You should probably talk to him about your concerns and ask how he feels.
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