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How to change someone who is arromantic and asexual

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I know this girl and she's told me she's asexual and she has never been in love with someone. Normally I'd be skeptical of such claims, but I believe her because she's so incredibly fucked in the head and has a past that makes me really believe that it's true. She doesn't love me and I don't love her either. I know you may doubt me and ask "why the fuck do you want, her then?" Because I feel we'd both be better off with each other.
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You can't change them, and trying to will only push them away even further. Don't.

Just let them be. If they decide that they love someone, they will do it on their own time.
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I have a feeling she`s only asexual and arromantic for you, OP.

If not, there`s nothing you can do, it`s like trying to convert a butch lesbian.
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>>18052738
She brought it up completely from out of nowhere right after she said "I want to love you but I can't and I hate myself for it"

Like, I literally never displayed any kind of romantic interest for this girl (because I don't have any) and she just said that one day whilst we were texting.
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>>18052749
I would suggest that you just spend time with her, and be a good friend. If she wants to talk about love, talk rationally, letting them do most of the talking, but again, don't try to push or influence them. Remind them that a person can love their friends, too.
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>>18052712
Hi OP! I'd be happy to chat with you a bit. I used to identify as asexual. I don't anymore and am in a happy sexual relationship. I've never been aromantic though, so I can't really relate on that end.
I tried forcing myself to be loving and sexual in my previous relationships. It crashed and burned. My current boyfriend, I became romantically and sexually attracted to him after knowing him for three days. It was a shock.

I did have to make some major personal leaps in order to get to that point, but these were improvements I made myself. He helps me a lot, without being a savior. (It's part of why I love him.) BUT- he is not what made me who I am today. I had to do all that work. It took me years. It's not something you can do for any body else. If she gets there, she gets there, and good for her! The most you can do is recommend that she see a professional and be there for her as much as is reasonable.
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>>18052931
It's not the asexual part that "bothers" me, so to say, because I'd gladly spend the rest of my life with her with the promise of no sex. I know it probably seems like I'm obsessed with this girl, but I truly do not love her, probably nothing will happen between the two of us, and I'll continue not caring; I just feel like we're the best for each other when we take into account that people have to settle down eventually and, if she's truly aromantic ((and this is something I feel both her and I share, because I've never fallen in love with anyone either, despite being attracted to both men and women and having good, friendly relationships with a lot of people), she's never going to find anyone else, so being with me, someone incredibly like her in every aspect, and someone she loves a whole lot as a friend and someone she admires (and me likewise with her), would be the best for both parties.
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>>18052981

you are mentally sick and need to move on. no amount of mental gymnastics on your part will changes this fundamental truth. listen to my advice. move on. this is not healthy
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>>18053004
I am severely mentally ill, not arguing against that.

But I don't care at all about what will happen, I don't need to "move on", because I'm not clinging on to anything. I'd like for something to happen, but I'm not expecting it nor will I go too out of my way to force something to happen.
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don't go around trying to change other people
change your own ass first
gee, I hate these neurotypicals
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>>18053016
>gee, I hate these neurotypicals
What does this even mean
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I'm aromantic and aseuxal. I learnt to accept how I am even though life would be much easier as a straight person. Sexuality aside why do you think you wanting to settle for your friend should be seen as a positive thing by her?
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>>18053094
If both of us are truly aromantic, then it's pointless not to. She has to settle down eventually and she likes my company the most out of anyone else. It's the most logical decision.
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>>18052712

OP, did you know that for centuries, it's been common for people to get married with no feelings for each other? Feelings were likely to grow later, but that was not necessarily a given. The point of marriage was societal and economical.

I honestly believe this hangup about 'love' etc is a silly thing by modern culture. People ending relationships; marriages, etc because they 'fell out of love'. Ridiculous. I feel that a far better basis for relationships are logic and choice. Which is what you have with this girl to a strong degree.

I say go for it. It sounds like a very strong proposition for a successful relationship to me. What you will have is a great friendship with the functional utility of a relationship/marriage.

If you wanted to see about activating romantic responses between you too, i would suggest the both of you seeing a psychologist/counsellor.

In general though i think if you spend a lot of time living together etc, other non romantic feelings of attachment will grow, which is just as functionally good as romantic love imo.
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>>18053135
Thanks anon, but I can't exactly go for it if she's not into the idea of us being together without the pretense of having romantic investment in each-other. She feels the need to have it even though she WANTS us to have a relationship.
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>>18053201

Well, given that she's aware that she's asexual and aromantic, what exactly is her plan for the future? Be single? Try to overcome asexuality? Wait for "it" to magically happen?
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>>18054300
She would just live single forever in a big city. Not your problem.
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>>18052981
>I just feel like we're the best for each other when we take into account that people have to settle down eventually
No, you don't. If someone is truly aromantic and asexual, they never have to settle down. Ever. Many people in that situation surround themselves with friends and enjoy life that way. You don't sound anything like her.
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>>18052712
you need a certain degree of subtlety when planting seeds of desire

don't fool yourself into thinking you don't care when part of you clearly does

what do you bring to the table that makes you better off together? does she feel the same way? focus on the strengths of your relationship and build on them while nullifying any weaknesses
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>>18054365
>they never have to settle down.
Yes they do. Regardless of sexual or romantic interest, having a person you trust to help with money and companionship is always a reason to settle down. Solitude brings misery.

>>18054300
> Wait for "it" to magically happen?
This seems to be her thought process right now.
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>>18055008
>Yes they do. Regardless of sexual or romantic interest, having a person you trust to help with money and companionship is always a reason to settle down. Solitude brings misery.
And, further, she said she would settle down with me when we're both over 40 if we're still both single and aromantic by that point. So she does have plans to settle down, she's just being an idiot about it.
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>>18053057
Normies. They think everybody is and should be the same as them, and they go around trying to change people, tell them what to do, how to live their life. They try to "fix" people because they can't fathom people being different, surely, people who do things somewhat different are wrong, and fucking normies instead of fixing their own problems and defects go around trying to change others.
I hate that shit
Thread posts: 22
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