I made relationship SMART goals for myself of how to not make

Sounds like you're just incomparable. Have you ever stopped to think that maybe he is the problem, and not you?
Everyone gets mad, and just because he's mad at you doesn't necessarily mean that it's your fault he's mad. Perhaps, as Doc Cochran said, perhaps he generates his moods himself and then later seeks an excuse for them.

Are they attainable? Not for a typical person, not for the person you want to be. But for who you are now? If we're assuming you're the one at fault here, you need to start smaller. And let him know that you're actually working on this.

But since we don't know anything about your relationship reassess if you are the one at fault, or if you are the only one at fault. Could he react better? Be more patient? You should both work towards improving.

>>18031111
I have no control over what he does, so I can only set my own goals.
I realized that the two things I cannot accomplish that he wants me to/that I need to in order to be happy: "do not expect unnecessary message responses" and "only message when you have something important to say". Both of these are quite impossible for me at this point. I break every time.

>>18031122
Ugh, texting? Do you speak regularly on the phone? Face to face? Girls seek emotional support through textingm and often guys cannot give it because so much of deciding how to support someone comes from tone of voice, body language, general emotional communication which cannot be achieved through text.
You need some kind of support he isn't giving you. Figure out a way he CAN give it to you, or the relationship is trash.
You can't really change what you need emotionally.

Sounds like you're a tad obsessive OP. Have you considered looking at the causes behind this harassment, rather than the behaviour itself?

>>18031122
>I have no control over what he does
You can talk to him. Communicate. If you cannot do that and he is not willing to put effort into fixing problems that you are also trying to fix, why are you with him?

>Both of these are quite impossible for me at this point. I break every time.
Neither of those should be your goals. They're not SMART. Let's say you want to stop drinking because you're an alcoholic. A SMART goal would be something like not drinking a beer before work or before you go out to drive. A SMART goal is not "do not drink for a week." You're asking for your ultimate goal, if it is even a reasonable or meaningful goal to be working towards to manifest overnight. It is not attainable in the least. Start small, start with something that IS attainable.

While you should not be texting him excessively, and should definitely cut back if it's bothering him, there's nothing wrong with occasionally shooting him a text saying good night or good morning, or I love you, even just a 'hey call me when you get home from work' so that that way you can chat a bit. Scale it back until you reach a point you are both okay with. Right now you're setting yourself up for failure.

>>18031139
We see each other in person several times a week

>>18031148
Ok. So when you feel that need to text him about some bullshit you're trying not to text him about, is it possible for you to talk to him on the phone?

>>18031154
No, he doesn't like talking on the phone and doesn't respond to impromptu unplanned calls
>>18031146
He's not the kind of person who cares about my needs, though. He ignores me and tells method he can't put up with my words and that he wants me to stop (sending him messages about my feelings regarding him ignoring me or something like that). And when I tell him that I can't simply stop NEEDING him to respond to him in the time span of a week, he says, "keep trying". So presumably he won't break up with me, he'll just completely ignore how painful it is for me when he ignores me. He probably thinks it's a motivational tactic to get me to avoid bothering him when he doesn't want to talk.
He is a very self-centered person and I knew I was getting into that, so I won't break up with him. I just want to learn how to stop needing his responses or words to be able to function on my own

>>18031178
*and tells me that

>>18031142
Either a) listen to this anon, who has given you sound advice for what to actually change
Or, b) you're baiting, as >>18031178
implies.

>>18031178
This is not a healthy relationship and you cannot fix it without both you and him working together. You're making a hell of a lot of false equivalencies and from the sounds of it so is he.
>I just want to learn how to stop needing his responses or words to be able to function on my own
Relationships with people who are mentally stable and willing to be reassuring, patient, and there for you are great for people with insecurity. It drastically lowers their insecurity. Both in that relationship and moving forward. For people who have attachment problems and feel hesitant to connect relationships with people who are mentally stable, willing to give people space, and allow them to come to them are great for people who have problems attaching.

>>18031189
Holy shit never have I been accused of baiting before. This is for real. I post on 4chan often because I need to deal with my emotional issues somewhere, and I only go to therapy once a week and usually I feel good on those days and also feel embarrassed to talk about the extent of my emotional failings.
>>18031142
Yes but knowing that it's something to do with my middle school relationships, undesirability, or problems with my mother hasn't help me change. I don't know the first step to resolving these things. Maybe talking with a therapist..

>>18031200
Is it impossible for me to unresolved insecurity outside of the relationship?

>>18031207
No. But it's impossible to resolve that if you're actively feeding things that fuel it. Your boyfriend is directly fueling your insecurities and you are as well. You have three options here:
>Explain your feelings, listen to his, do not read into his words deeper than face value and do not make assumptions then reach an agreement and follow it both
>Continue to be with him and allow the problems you two have to feed into your insecurities, while looking for ways to stop having your partner be there for you when that's an entirely inappropriate goal in a relationship
>Break up and either make the same mistakes in your next relationship or find someone who is willing to work on problems with you as they arise

>>18031203
Therapist is a good place to start.

Anyway, your boyfriend sounds like a self absorbed douche. It's your choice whether to drop him or not, but I would.

Nope. Dump him. You two are incomparable. You need more than he is CAPABLE of giving. Just move on.

this is what u get for dating chad u dumb bitch

go choke on chads dick since u love it so much

ps u sound awesome otherwise

>>18031318
Please, please don't use 'u'. It pains me.