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How to stop helping people(sort of)

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So, how do I stop trying really hard to help other people, at the expence of my personal life?
People did fuck me over several times, and I am fully aware that allowing others to sit on your neck is a really, really bad idea, but I simply cannot stop. I just forget that instead of doing someone a solid I can, say, do something important for my life, like studying or staying home while sick, for example.
Pic random
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Ugh, people pleasers. On the surface it appears that you want to make people happy, when in reality, you are only concerned with their reactions towards you.
Get a fucking self help book, there are hundreds. Go to the library, grab 5 or 6 and skim through them until you spot something that resonates with you.
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>>18025003
Not really, I think. I take no pleasure in doing any of this, and generally don't get even a "thank you". That's why this is a problem.
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I use to be like you OP. I got over it and you will to. It'll take some deprogramming.

You don't owe anybody anything. You feel obligated to do things for others and that needs to stop. This will take practice, months, maybe years.

The first few times you choose yourself over another it will feel weird and wrong (maybe because of how you were raised). It's not. It only feels that way because that is currently your "normal." The more often you choose your own happiness the easier it will get.

>But what about altruism, etc...
That's fine and good, but that's NOT what this issue is. (This was difficult for me to get over) This issue is you are a doormat. You allow this to happen because you have low self respect. Once you start standing up for yourself people will begin to call you "selfish" because those people are assholes and they can't take advantage of you any longer. Anyone who treats you this way isn't a friend and you should drop them.

I lost all my "friends" when I started standing up for myself. It was fucking brutal but the next set of friends I made were lifelong ones.

>I take no pleasure in doing any of this
Once you gain self respect you'll feel good about helping others because then it's your choice, not some bullshit obligation.
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>>18025040
Sounds harsh. I'm gonna have to control myself real hard, then.
While I do have a couple of friends that are not on my neck and do understand that I have a life of my own, yeah, I feel like this cycle continued over and over again. I've lost friends several times, but I keep coming back to doing the same thing with different people. I thought that there's, well, some sort of a secret to this, but it's just that, months of trying to say no.
Thanks for replying, though.
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>>18025073
>Sounds harsh.
It seems that way now but it'll get better with time

> I'm gonna have to control myself real hard, then.
Yep. It's gonna be tough. Go easy on yourself.

>some sort of a secret to this
1. Develop self awareness. Self awareness is the best thing you can gain for your life in general. Emotional Intelligence 2.0 is a good guide.
2. Don't explain yourself. You don't have to explain yourself to anyone. Learning to say, "No," without giving them an explanation will cause your self respect to skyrocket and it will become much easier much faster. I still struggle with this one but it feels fucking great to just say, "No, I won't do that."
"Why not anon?"
"I don't want to."
It's that simple. Life Changing Magic of Not Giving a Fuck is a good guide for this one.
3. Maybe you want a shortcut? Ditch EVERYONE in your life who takes advantage of you right now. Good friends don't take advantage of each other. With this set of people gone you'll have significantly less people asking for things which will make focusing on yourself easier.

I loathe people trying to take advantage of me now. However, I still enjoy doing things for people I cherish because they respect me.
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